going through difficult time - post break up

Partizan

Hi guys,

As the heading goes I'm going through a tough time. To cut to the chase my g/f broke up with me last week and I am reeling from the shock still. We met when I was on holidays in September 2009 while I was seeing my sis in laws family. We got on great together and she came to Ireland in Xmas & New Year 2009-10. However we had a row in the New Year due to me acting a dick and not paying attention to her but we reconciled and she went back to Russia. We kept in contact via skype and chats on the phone 2-3 times a week. She had given up her job to come to Ireland so I financially supported her until she was sorted after 2 months.

During the summer she went on a working holiday with her friends to Sochi where she found a job as a receptionist and stayed there until the end of September where we went on holidays to Egypt for 8 nights. We had a great time but it wasnt without her mood swings which I shrugged off. However on the last night she all of a sudden went into a mood swing which soon ended in her being in floods of tears. I stayed with her for the end of the night to comfort her and she cheered up. She was distraught that the holiday swas ending so soon. At the end of the holiday we kissed goodbye and I promised to either see her in ireland or I would travel to see her for the New Year. We stayed in contact by chatting on the phone twice a week. By this time I had already grown attached to her and was contemplating taking the relationship to the next stage. On 3rd December, the last time I spoke to her on the phone she was in work and everything was fine. I told her that I was coming to see her for the New year and she said ok. She stated that she could not come to Ireland for the New Year as she coudl not get time off work since she strated in a new job. Anyway I began making arrangements - tickets, visa, gifts for her and her family etc. and her cousin arranged accomodation for me.

I called her again the following Wednesday and Saturday but she did not answer. I thought it was a little strange as she usually answers her phone at all times no matter where she is but I found out from her cousin that she was busy with work and had a driving test/exam that weekend but everything was fine. The following weekend 18-19 December, I called her again, twice both days but no answer. This set the alarm bells off. I had sent her a couple of emails the previous few days but I got no answer. I called my sis in law to find out what the story was. My sis in law rang me back the following day to explain that she had got through to my g/f and my now ex said that it was over. She said that she just didnt feel anything between us and felt that the cultural difference would be too much and that if she moved to Ireland that she would be too much of a financial burden for me. This knocked me back and right now i'm going through a very difficult time, especially with Xmas. My ex could be described as a very quiet and shy person, prone to mood swings (I think she suffers from depression) but when she is in a good mood she is grand. I still love her to bits and would do anything for her. This has happened so suddenly that I am left in bits. When I told her father and her relations they were shocked and had been looking forward to seeing me and all arrangements made. I was so looking forward to seeing her. Now I feel like **** and I feel that have no one to talk to. I'm in pieces here.

Moomoo1

ouch. That's really bad, you going to all that expense to go there and her pulling the plug at the last moment, without even talking to you.

do none of her relatives really have a clue to what's going on?

miec

Hi Op

I'm really sorry that happened, it really is horrible, espicially this time of year.

Partizan

Thanks for the comments guys. I guess the only thing right now is to pick myself up and move on right now which isn't easy. I only found out from my sis in law that when we briefly split back in January over a row and misunderstanding that we had caused by communication problems (difficulty in making ourselves fully understandable due to language), she considered it a breakup of our relationship. We did get back together but all along she considered me as a friend and no more while I considered her as my girlfriend. I wish she had been more honest with me and allowed me to move on nearly 12 months ago instead of having me on the long finger all this time. Thats what really hurts and especially at this time of the year. The fact of the matter was, she had moved on a long time ago while I'm right now in recovery mode. Ah well

Moomoo1

Partizan wrote: »

Thanks for the comments guys. I guess the only thing right now is to pick myself up and move on right now which isn't easy. I only found out from my sis in law that when we briefly split back in January over a row and misunderstanding that we had caused by communication problems (difficulty in making ourselves fully understandable due to language), she considered it a breakup of our relationship. We did get back together but all along she considered me as a friend and no more while I considered her as my girlfriend. I wish she had been more honest with me and allowed me to move on nearly 12 months ago instead of having me on the long finger all this time. Thats what really hurts and especially at this time of the year. The fact of the matter was, she had moved on a long time ago while I'm right now in recovery mode. Ah well

but that doesn't explain not talking to someone or making someone pay through the nose for a trip to Russia and then telling them not to come via someone else.

ando

I dunno what to say, she sounds like she is very confused about the whole thing and decided it’s too much for her and called it. Maybe it’s the distance or cultural differences, who knows. However, letting you know all this through your sister in law... WTF??? Does she not have the balls to say it to you directly, through phone, txt, email.. anything? Man seriously if she can’t be honest with you about the relationship one on one then she has issues, or its emotional immaturity kicking in. The mood swings for no reason aint a good sign of stability. If it was me, Id email her asking for closure on this by talking to you directly one on one, not through other people, if she cant even be bothered to respond to you then that would be it for me. Thank you and goodbye

I know it’s much harder to do in real life, especially if you're still in love with the girl, believe me I know. I’m just out of a long term relationship myself and it hurts like hell, so I know what you're going through, especially at this time of the year

Hope things start to get better for you soon man, here's some good therapy. I was never really much into bob but it seems to help Listen to the lyrics!

Partizan

ando wrote: »

I dunno what to say, she sounds like she is very confused about the whole thing and decided it’s too much for her and called it. Maybe it’s the distance or cultural differences, who knows. However, letting you know all this through your sister in law... WTF??? Does she not have the balls to say it to you directly, through phone, txt, email.. anything? Man seriously if she can’t be honest with you about the relationship one on one then she has issues, or its emotional immaturity kicking in. The mood swings for no reason aint a good sign of stability. If it was me, Id email her asking for closure on this by talking to you directly one on one, not through other people, if she cant even be bothered to respond to you then that would be it for me. Thank you and goodbye

I know it’s much harder to do in real life, especially if you're still in love with the girl, believe me I know. I’m just out of a long term relationship myself and it hurts like hell, so I know what you're going through, especially at this time of the year

Hope things start to get better for you soon man, here's some good therapy. I was never really much into bob but it seems to help Listen to the lyrics!

Sorry that I have been away the last few days but you I think you hit the nail on the head there. 2 days ago I was talking to one of her friends on facebook and told her what happened and she was shocked and commented that it was very rude of her to break up with me in the manner that she did. Her friend commented that while my ex was in Sochi, eveything was ok and that my ex was talking about me often often commenting that her bf helps her anytime, that he is very good and that she was very much looking forward to the holiday in Egypt with me. The holiday went very well and she enjoyed it immensley. Yes there were some moments but I put that down to her slightly odd personality. She is a lovely looking girl and I miss her lot.

Moomoo1

Partizan wrote: »

Sorry that I have been away the last few days but you I think you hit the nail on the head there. 2 days ago I was talking to one of her friends on facebook and told her what happened and she was shocked and commented that it was very rude of her to break up with me in the manner that she did. Her friend commented that while my ex was in Sochi, eveything was ok and that my ex was talking about me often often commenting that her bf helps her anytime, that he is very good and that she was very much looking forward to the holiday in Egypt with me. The holiday went very well and she enjoyed it immensley. Yes there were some moments but I put that down to her slightly odd personality. She is a lovely looking girl and I miss her lot.

I find it a bit strange that lots of people who know her are surprised and shocked but no one actually knows what's going on.

Bit late now, but I'd have still gone to Russia. You know people there, you could have still had a good time without her. Since everything was already paid for.

Partizan

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I find it a bit strange that lots of people who know her are surprised and shocked but no one actually knows what's going on.

Well yes they were. Her parents were shocked and disgusted at her behaviour. Her extended family were all preparing for my visit for about 3 weeks in advance. The friend who I was talking to on facebook is quite close to her.

Moomoo1 wrote: »

Bit late now, but I'd have still gone to Russia. You know people there, you could have still had a good time without her. Since everything was already paid for.

I disagree. My primary reason for going there was to be with her again. Of course I would have met her family and my friends, but if I was none the wiser, it would have been far worse with me being stuck over there and she making ecuses to either avoiding me or being aloof in my presence. I got my money back on the flights and the gifts so no loss financially.

Partizan

Hi guys, hate to bring up an old thread but I thought I might fill you in with the latest since early January. About a couple of weeks after the last post, I got chatting on the phone to her best friend who when I told her what happened was numb with shock. She told me that while my ex was in Sochi, she was talking about me any time the topic of me came up. My ex told them that I was a really good man, that I helped her any time and that she was looking forward to the holiday to Egypt. Her friend told me to write her an email expressing my feelings for her which I did. I did that on the first week of Februray and since then, well you guess it no reply. Most of her family and friends are disgusted at her behaviour and her father has fallen out with her over it.

Since then I have been dated a couple of girls and although nothing happened my confidence has picked back up. My ex's friends have invited me to Sochi in July for a couple of weeks sun hols and are making the arrangements. They are bloody well fit too. I must say I am looking forward to it and they plan something big for my birthday. In meanwhile, I'm off to Madrid to see a mate of mine working there and in my job, after a tough 2 months, i have got on top of everything and my boss is pleased. Sorry about ressurecting an old thread.

P.S. I'm laying the groundwork for a Limerick lady in work.

IrishEyes19

good for you, OP, glad to see things have gotten better!!!

Partizan

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

good for you, OP, glad to see things have gotten better!!!

Thanks for the encouragement. Although they do say that time heals everything but I do get the pangs. Despite what happened, I still love her.

lightbulbie

From reading the above i think you're better off moving on, sounds like your ex has a few problems which she isnt ready to deal with yet (or let anyone help her)...For your sake (and probably for hers) i think its best to give her space and just concentrate on yourself, unfortunatly there are some things that we cant fix and just have to let go of (i know easier said than done).

Plus,you never know what the future holds, she might eventually sort herself out and then see, but dont put your life on hold waiting. Life is constantly changing so just keep moving with it

Best of luck with your new venture

Ksusha26

lightbulbie wrote: »

From reading the above i think you're better off moving on, sounds like your ex has a few problems which she isnt ready to deal with yet (or let anyone help her)...For your sake (and probably for hers) i think its best to give her space and just concentrate on yourself, unfortunatly there are some things that we cant fix and just have to let go of (i know easier said than done).

Plus,you never know what the future holds, she might eventually sort herself out and then see, but dont put your life on hold waiting. Life is constantly changing so just keep moving with it

Best of luck with your new venture

There's good advice for you to take OP. You deserve better than her and I'm in no doubt that you will meet your match. Your ex sounds like a very immature and insecure person with major issues. I think you should concentrate on yourself. Remember it is her loss not yours. From reading your story and from my own personal experience of her cultural background, I have doubts that she will meet a suitable, kind and caring man like you in her own environment. She has blown it. She is the loser here, not you. Learn from it and you will be a better man.

Besides as lightbulbie said, who knows what can happen, she may sort herself out and you two could have a future. But whatever you do, dont wait around. Move on and improve yourself. If she does come back, well and good, if not... well it wont kill you. But either way, when all is said and done, your ex will one day regret her decision.

Partizan

Thanks for the replies guys, it has been a huge help. It was tough at the start but now i'm getting over it. It was a huge disappointment when it happened because I had invested so much emotionally in her and had my heart set on proposing to her. I only found out recently from one of her relatives that she has been upset the last while blaming herself as well as being very depressed.

Unless she sorts herself out emotionally, she could be in for a lonely life.

I hope one day we meet again. I still love her.