What's wrong with me?

LegacyUser

I came out of a relationship in January.In hindsight I know it was for the best but nearly a year on i'm just overthinking things & am very down at the moment..this probably comes across as selfindulgent crap so I apologise in advance but any opinions might help me out ...

I just don't know where it all went wrong and what it is that is so wrong with me that I'm on my own.I was always 100% honest & commited to him.I was there for him through some very tough times.He told me I was the perfect gf,his friends all liked me, still do,have all told me I was too good to be with him( both before & after the breakup)he told me he didn't want to be with anyone except me,told me he loved me ... then text me 2 days later he text to break it off.He then continued to contact me,telling me he loved me,needed me,etc.( this included one weekend where he sent me 80 text message begging for another chance)The one time I gave in & agreed to try again he changed his mind a day later..so I cut contact..blocked his number & focused on moving on..

Now in my head I know breaking up was for the best(Friends didn't like him,he took drugs,no ambition,constantly complaining,tight with money,kinda needy...long list) & longterm he would most certainly have let me down & hurt me more, my heart still loves him a little but I know that will pass with time...

My self esteem was fairly shot after we broke up & I stayed away from meeting anyone for a while because of this.I'm just feeling so lonely and low at the moment.I really can't seem to meet anyone else ... I've been asked out a few times since Jan & even went on a date with one of them but just felt nothing at all..met one lad a while back that I did feel a connection with,met up with him a few times but sure all he was after was a casual fling...which he wasn't getting from me ...

..I have a good job,am fairly independant,would certainly not describe myself as needy,i don't throw myself at lads,am quiet but not in a socially awkward sense like i'll chat away,I take care of myself,i'm not stunning but i'm not ugly either.

I just don't understand how it is so hard to find someone decent..I seem to only attract men who let me down & hurt me...am I really expecting too much to find a gentleman who asks a girl out and isn't only looking for sex out of it ... I really just don't know what i'm doing wrong!!

I apologise for the self-pitying rant,just really getting me down at the moment.

LaHaine

These things tend to happen when you're not looking for them. Keep going out and concentrate on enjoying yourself. The right person will come along when you least expect it.

You're doing great, its never easy to walk away from someone you care about...even if you know they werent right for you. As for the amount of time taken to get over people? Theres no rules about these things. Take your time and stop worrying about it.

Concentrate on making yourself happy and feeling good about yourself. The right person will come along

Jenneke87

The "you're too good for me"excuse is just another way of saying:"I don't want to be with you but I don't dare to tell you the real reason so I'll say this to make it look better" And if he really doesn't wanna be with anyone else, his actions do not really make sense...

Realise your own worth. Énjoy your independance and freedom for the moment, don't make it your life's mission to find someone ASAP. There are plenty of decent men, wondering how difficult it is to find a good woman, and he will cross your path sooner or later.

all4nothingxx

Op im sorry your feeling like this. I do know how your feeling, I was in a long term relationship for almost 5 years and broke up in April and i still feel im not over it. I also feel that there is nobody else out there that can make me feel the way i did, but i am going to try and keep hoping.
It is not easy and especially i find Christmas is the hardest and brings back happier memories that once were when you were in a relationship.
Take care and remember you are not on your own.

johnr1

Hey Sadgirl2010,
I post a bit on Boards so Il not go into too much detail about my own story but I was thinking of posting something along the same lines as yours today. Its just a pure bitch, theres no other way to describe it. You can do everything right, be a good partner etc and still lose the person you think/thought was perfect for you and you them.
You can then go on and do all the right things to get over the relationship and start again like joining clubs, dating sites, going where the single people are, only for none of that to work either.
The next relationship will arrive when you least expect it I think, but in the meantime, it is worrying and sometimes very sad.
Like you, Ive been very lonely this Christmas. Some precious time off from work, - no-one special to spend it with, and no good prospect on the horizion.
However, Im not giving up and neither should you. You dont come across as being the type to anyway. Chin up, and it will get better again soon, this is just a wobble.

Ickle Magoo

You say you don't know what you are doing wrong but in your post you describe a really unhealthy relationship that you persisted with and now you are blaming yourself for the break up. You need to stop getting sad and start getting angry - write down everything he ever did that you didn't like, that made you sad, or angry or embarrassed and every time you feel down about splitting up read it and tell yourself you deserve better than that.

As for meeting someone, you need to be happy and healthy in yourself; make sure your own emotional and physical needs are being met. You need to be able to pick up on the red flags so you stay well away from anything that isn't a healthy relationship with one of the good guys and join some clubs, make some friends and enjoy being single for a while and see what happens.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here.
Thanks for the comments, I appreciate everything that has been said. It took a lot for me to get out of that relationship and to break contact with him, and i do realise it is the best move i have ever made. Believe me, I have no interest in going back to him and I'm only ragin I put up with it for so long before I seen sense. It was a toxic relationship, unfortunately by the time i realised that I was too far in to back out. I think i just get annoyed at myself that I let my guard down and trusted him so much and I turned out to be completely wrong about it all .. I do feel stronger for getting away from it and as ye have all said I know it will get easier and I will meet someone else..just gets me down now and again.. don't think i'm always sitting around feeling sorry for myself because I actually am getting out there and doing things to make myself happy and keeping busy, I think sometimes it just gets to me that I don't have someone there for me who isn't going to let me down..