Friend not telling me anything but everyone else knows.

Chuchoter

I've been friends with this girl since 6th class and I'm now in 5th year. I always thought that she was just kind of a distant person and not really into telling people everything but I would always let her kind of know what was going on in my life, so I still thought we were good friends. This year however, I'm kind of upset because I'm after realizing this isn't the case at all. She tells everything to everyone apart from me.

It all kind of started in this SPHE/Religion class way back at the start of the year and we did that thing where each person writes something nice about every other girl in the class. I wrote this whole thing for her (lets call her Jane) and it was like really nice and long and whatnot and I got back some one line thing like you have nice hair or something. So that was kind of bad and I kind of saw it on her face that she didn't really think much of me but I sort of let it go.

Now I'm after finding out that since August shes had four boyfriends. Yes, four. The first guy, I found out about after they broke up. Second guy I found out about by accident a week before they broke up and he was really upset. She started going out with a new guy like the next day who is now really pissed at her also because she is now going out with someone else. I found out all of this by someone else mentioning it in front of me by accident. The other issue is the guys are way older than her, like college age. Seriously do I confront her or am I being unreasonable expecting her to tell me things? I'm also worried she's going to get herself pregnant.

johnboysligo

dont even give her the time of day. she sounds like a snobby bitch with nothing better to do with her social life than hook up with guys until she gets bored and replaces them.

why she cant think of something nice to say about you is probably because she cant think further than her own nose when it comes to other people.

avoid her if possible if you cant just be friendly and nice but keep your secrets and feelings for the people who care to hear them and care to share their feelings.

maybe a journal of some kind would help you vent a little?

tenchi-fan

Stop being so desperate!

Have you ever heard of economics? The more you give, the greater the supply, the lower the cost. In other words, you try to give this girl a lot, and as a result she doesn't value you.

Next, this girl and her secrets. You value the knowledge she gives you. However, she keeps it from you. So you see it as a scarce commodity. When in reality, this girl is a slut and rather than value her you should keep a 10 mile distance from her. Associating with her will ruin your reputation.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense.. half a bottle of bacardi mixed with personal issues in the past and subsequent realisations has this affect on me!

Anyway, I have two things you should think of:

#1 Judge this girl by her actions, not by what you think are her intentions. Don't ask "why is this girl acting this way". Because with friends, you never like to consider something might be a trick or a manipulation.
Instead ask "how is this girl acting, and how should I react?" In many cases, the answer is, this girl is treating me badly, I'm going to keep a distance between us and get on with my own life and surround myself with better people.

#2 Ask yourself, why do you need to know this girls secrets? Avail of her friendship. If she wants to meet you once a week to go to the pub, that's what she is looking for in a friendship. If it is not enough (i.e. if you also want to read her diary to you) then she is not a suitable friend for you. In which case, it's not her, it's you. Don't be so nosey!

I hope I gave you a few things to think about. Basically, from reading your post I don't think you are friends anymore. Don't obsess over it. Just move on.

Neyite

It's not pleasant when you realise that you view someone as a close friend but they just view you as an aquaintance.

It happened to me with a girl I knew for 5 years and we worked together, but I realised that she didnt view me as a close friend (the way I did with her) until she omitted me from her hen party celebrations. It hurt, but you have to realise that you behaved with kindness and dignity and let her off.

You wont see this girl for dust when you all finish school, or if you do, its because you are useful to her in some way, not because she values your company. Disconnect from her gradually instead. You are not responsible for her sexual health either - to get involved in a conversation like that uninvited by her will only blow up in your face. You come across as very mature for your age, whereas she sounds very self absorbed and shallow.

Are you sure that she has actually told everyone though? Is there the slightest possibility that she told one person and that person told someone else and they told someone else?

You shouldn't get yourself too down about things like this, not everyone has to tell you things in this life.

Chuchoter

She told a lot people, I never even heard she was in a relationship.

I don't even expect to be told everything, his name and age would be a start. I was talking to my friend that she broke up with earlier this year, and what she did to him was really bad so I'm just kind of done with her. She broke up with him and was sleeping with a new guy by the end of the week

Firetrap

Looks like she doesn't view or appreciate your friendship in the way that you do. Her love life is none of your concern really but that she's shut you out is telling. I wouldn't go confront her or anything like that but just tread warily from now on.

Chinafoot

crayolastereo wrote: »

I've been friends with this girl since 6th class and I'm now in 5th year.

You're at that age OP, where people start heading in their own directions and drifting apart. Its not pleasant when you're on the receiving end but its a fact of life.

She doesn't view you as a friend in the way you viewed her. Move on from her and try not to let it get to you too much.

Her love life, the age of those she is seeing, whether or not she gets pregnant all have nothing to do with you so for your own sake, keep your nose out.