Saying Sorry To Move On?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Approximately a year ago, I got into a big argument with my recently broken up ex. Basically, I was going through a very tough time with college, work, and my whole family splitting up. This adversely affected my mental and emotional health. She wasn't there for me, and to be honest, at times she was a very narcissistic character. She broke up with me, but elected to 'stay friends'.

Within a week, I realized that 'staying friends' was basically her sugar-coating the break-up and she didn't really want to stay friends. Basically I sent her a very very hurtful text message, and deleted her as a friend of facebook. This is something that I sincerely regret. I do not hide from my hurtful, mean act, and frankly it sickens me.

In the past year I have:
-completed a very helpful course of counselling / come to terms with my family break-up
-completed a course of medication
-succeeded in various college projects
-changed job to one which I love
-re-taken back up sports

Basically I am on a good road, and I am a completely different person since last year, but I want to say sorry to my ex. Nothing else, just sorry. I can't through Facebook as she has blocked me since, and I have heard she has a different phone number. I need to say sorry.

This has been cathartic to write this, and hope you guys can advise me on whether I should say sorry, and how she (and I) can forgive myself

Sorry for long post, and for people feeling down with anxiety, depression or any other problem, keep on fighting it. I did, and I'm on a better road.

Wurly

Hi OP,

The fact that you have genuinely worked to turn your life around is very admirable. It's not all talk - the results are there. And good for you.

However a year is a long time. Be honest here - do you want her back or do you just wanna say sorry? If it's just sorry, then why not. A year is sufficient time for her to have healed from the relationship and she may appreciate it.

But if you want her back and you apologise, what happens if she doesn't reply? Will you feel worse? These are the questions you should be asking yourself before you get in touch. Because you can't take it back once it's done.

If it's just a sincere apology you want to offer, i'd say go for it. If she doesn't reply, at least you tried your best to put it right. Good luck.

Zen65

How To Say Sorry wrote: »

I need to say sorry.

Recognising that you did wrong, and putting your actions behind you, are healthy things to do. Be sure that you don't expect anything more from this act before you send your apology.

I suggest you buy a "Sorry" greeting card (yeah, such things exist) and write a short note. Be clear that you are not looking for her to contact you, just make a sincere apology, post it, and move on.

Be at peace,

Z

TheresaT

Hi OP,

Sounds like you've had a busy year and it sounds like you're doing much better than before.

My personal opinion on the apology: if you can get in touch with your ex easily and in a non-invasive way (i.e. by text or facebook) to apologise, go for it. However these options don't seem to be open to you as she has blocked you and you don't have her phone number. This would suggest that she might not welcome contact from you and I think it's important to be mindful of this.

While saying sorry might be cathartic for you, it could unnessecarily open up old wounds for her. If you genuinely regret what you said to her (and I'm sure you do) the best thing might be to let it lie. Especially if you don't stay in touch and don't see her around.

On the other hand, a simple apology might be just what she wants to hear but you'll really have to calculate the risk of doing so yourself.

Hope you make the right decision for you.

greenprincess

I think the card idea is nice and not intrusive. It will hopefully close a chapter for her to.

Good luck

curlzy

Yeah I'm in agreement, writing an apology letter/card is the way to go but only if it's all you want. Like someone else said if you're harboring a desire to get back with her then you should steer well clear. So yeah write a short apology and send it on to her.

Best of luck.