Another Girl Kissed Me

LegacyUser

So, I was walking home last night after a night out and had dropped my friend to the taxi rank. So on my way home I ran into these two girls who I would have known from my school days but were a few years ahead of me. Now, I have a loving girlfriend, have always been faithful and we recently celebrated a year and a half together. I got talking to them for a couple of minutes and while one of them rang the taxi, one of them kissed me. A full kiss. She tried to put her hand down my pants and mine down hers, a number of times. I obviously stopped her.

I pulled her to the side again to tell her to cop on that what she was doing wasnt right as her younger sister is good friends with my girlfriend and I, she then tried it on with me again. Now I am totally gutted as I feel like I am a total and utter cheater, however I did not instigate the kiss and put a stop to it straight away. I am still waiting to talk to the girl, she was extremely drunk and if I was not already sober enough, that sobered me right up. Should i tell my gf? I know this will hurt her deeply, but it's hurting me too keeping it in.

Thanks.

Emme

Anon1984 wrote: »

So, I was walking home last night after a night out and had dropped my friend to the taxi rank. So on my way home I ran into these two girls who I would have known from my school days but were a few years ahead of me. Now, I have a loving girlfriend, have always been faithful and we recently celebrated a year and a half together. I got talking to them for a couple of minutes and while one of them rang the taxi, one of them kissed me. A full kiss. She tried to put her hand down my pants and mine down hers, a number of times. I obviously stopped her.

It seems like you took your time stopping her.

Anon1984 wrote: »

I pulled her to the side again to tell her to cop on that what she was doing wasnt right as her younger sister is good friends with my girlfriend and I, she then tried it on with me again. Now I am totally gutted as I feel like I am a total and utter cheater, however I did not instigate the kiss and put a stop to it straight away. I am still waiting to talk to the girl, she was extremely drunk and if I was not already sober enough, that sobered me right up. Should i tell my gf? I know this will hurt her deeply, but it's hurting me too keeping it in.

Thanks.

Don't tell you're gf unless you want her to walk. In future don't get so rat-assed that you can't stop a girl coming onto you before it goes to far!

tinkerbell

Emme wrote: »

It seems like you took your time stopping her.

Yep - OP, you took your time in stopping her and therefore, you are as much to blame.

Tell your girlfriend, she deserves to know that another woman was all over her boyfriend.

LegacyUser

tinkerbell wrote: »

Yep - OP, you took your time in stopping her and therefore, you are as much to blame.

Tell your girlfriend, she deserves to know that another woman was all over her boyfriend.

Excuse me but how does saying "She tried to put her hand down my pants and mine down hers, a number of times. I obviously stopped her" result in the fact of me being slow to stop her, any time she tried it I pulled away straight away. I was not drunk or "rat-assed" if you will, it was completely out of character for her as I have known her years. I'd appreciate you not trying to put words in my mouth or manipulate the thread for your own entertainment value.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I had a guy try to kiss me recently, I walked off immediately. Why did you hang around for her try again and more and discuss it with her? Very bad judgement on your part there, were you enjoying the attention? If that ever happens again just walk away but too late for that now. This is defo going to get back to your girlfriend, believe me girls talk. The only thing you can now is get to your girlfriend first and tell her what happened because if chinese whispers get to her first you'll have rode the other girl and your girlfriend never ever believe that you weren't interested. TBH I can't see how you pulled straight away if it got to the level of her trying to put her hands in your pants. Like I've never heard of someone going south with their hands, even outrageously drunk, unless there'd been some serious snogging first, it makes no sense that she tried to kiss you then went for your pants within nano-seconds.

Best of luck.

tinkerbell

Anon1984 wrote: »

Excuse me but how does saying "She tried to put her hand down my pants and mine down hers, a number of times. I obviously stopped her" result in the fact of me being slow to stop her, any time she tried it I pulled away straight away. I was not drunk or "rat-assed" if you will, it was completely out of character for her as I have known her years. I'd appreciate you not trying to put words in my mouth or manipulate the thread for your own entertainment value.

I have not put words in your mouth nor am I trying to "manipulate the thread" as you so put it. You came on here looking for advice - you got it. Just because you didn't get the advice you wanted, you come back and accuse me of putting words in your mouth and manipulating the thread.

You are in the wrong as much as that girl is. I mean how did it even get to the stage of her putting her hand down your trousers "a number of times"??! The second that girl tried it on with you, you should've walked away. Instead you allowed it to happen "a number of times". And that is why you are partly to blame too. If you had walked away and gotten yourself out of that situation then you would have a leg to stand on.

johnr1

Jesus !!!!
He prob wont be back anyway after those OTT and partisan efforts....

"Four legs good Two legs bad" :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Zen65

Emme wrote: »

It seems like you took your time stopping her.

This is a strange comment, and I suspect if the genders were reversed it would not have been said. A man kisses a girl while drunk ... he's a creep and she's the victim. A drunken woman kisses a guy (and drops the hand), and somehow he's the guilty party for not stopping her and running right from the start?

If he had been very abrupt in stopping her, might he have been accused of being violent?

Op - explain the story to your gf, even if only to stop yourself getting stressed over it.

Be at peace,

Z

Zen65

tinkerbell wrote: »

Yep - OP, you took your time in stopping her and therefore, you are as much to blame.

Tinkerbell, if this story had been about a girl taking a lift from a guy, and he started acting inappropriately, would she have been to blame if he tried to kiss her? If he had raped her, would she still be as much to blame?

This sort of thinking is why so many women are slow to report cases of indecent assault & rape. Perhaps you think this way only because Op is a guy? Does having a penis make him partly guilty?


Z

tinkerbell

Zen65 wrote: »

Tinkerbell, if this story had been about a girl taking a lift from a guy, and he started acting inappropriately, would she have been to blame if he tried to kiss her? If he had raped her, would she still be as much to blame?

This sort of thinking is why so many women are slow to report cases of indecent assault & rape. Perhaps you think this way only because Op is a guy? Does having a penis make him partly guilty?


Z

Errr what? The situation was girl tries it on with guy, drops the hand, she does it a number of times. Clearly the OP could've walked away but didn't. Why didn't he? If it was assault then he should report her. Why are you assuming that just because he's a guy, that's the reason I said he is partly to blame? That is not the case. If it was a girl posting on here about a guy who had tried to kiss her multiple times and she did not walk away then it would be the same thing. Again, assuming that the person was able to walk away and not be restrained by the other party.

Why are you even bringing the idea of assault into this thread? Nowhere did the OP say that he felt threatened by that woman.

Emme

If a guy snogged me and put his hands down my pants or skirt once before I stopped him and walked away then he would be to blame. If the same guy snogged me and put his hands up and down my pants or skirt several times without it being part of a sexual assault then I would be partly if not equally to blame regardless of when I decided to walk away. A sexual assault does not have to be a full rape.

So maybe the girl sexually assaulted the OP in which case it would be a police matter. By what the OP said there were others present to witness what happened.

At best it was a bit of drunken foolishness which should be forgotten, but the OP's crapping himself because some of those present at the time know his girlfriend.

cafecolour

The OP does not sound at all to blame here. There's a difference between someone you barely know trying to come on to you (which you shut down harshly), and someone you are friendly with trying to come on to you, in which case you normally try to extricate yourself in a polite, firm manner, but it can often take several goes.

Wompa1

I found myself in a situation last night being out with a group and then noticing the group disbanded and it was myself and the girl I was talking to most just left alone...I left the club. I have a girlfriend and even if things aren't the best I would never cheat.

LegacyUser

I agree with cafecolour, it's a very different kettle of fish when you know the person who is trying to kiss you. I've been in a similar situation OP, with a guy i know a long time and drink was involved. I tried to remain polite and remove myself from the situation but he was having none of it. I'm the type of person who rarely loses my temper but it ended up that i did that night, and i blew a fuse with him. We were friends and now our relationship is distant at best, probably because he feels embarrased by his behaviour.

If i were in your shoes i would tell my OH, be up front and honest with her, if your relationship is as good at you have said it is then she will believe you. However, speaking as a girl, if you keep it to yourself and it eventually comes out, she will more than likely be very hurt that you didn't tell her in the first place. Also, and this is just me, and not everyone would be the same, i would confront the other person that tried to kiss you and let them know in no uncertain terms what an awkward position they have put you in. She may blame it on the drink but it means that its no longer taboo and secret.


Good luck OP!!

Wurly

How long did the full kiss that she initiated last?

Long enough for her to try and put your hand down her pants and her hand down your pants 'a number of times'??

Sorry, either i'm reading this wrong or I dont get it.

If I was in a relationship, if another guy tried to kiss me, i'd remove myself from the situation immediately. There wouldn't be time for trying to put hands down pants 'a number of times'.

What am I missing here?

Katgurl

Tell your girlfriend before someone else does. But when you do seriously downplay it, don't get all serious like you're confessing, don't tell her about all the dropping the hand attempts just keep stressing that you stopped to talk and this one was outrageously drunk and made a lunge at you and basically made an utter spaz of herself in process that you had to shove her off you.

Don't make it out to be something serious and it won't be.

Chinafoot

If it was a case of some drunken girl trying to kiss you but getting nowhere, I don't see how your girlfriend could be hurt by this. Unless of course, the girl who was doing it is a good friend of hers.

However, if you reciprocated the kiss at all then yes I can understand why your girlfriend would be very upset. If you did kiss her back, the fact that she instigated it means feck all and you absolutely must take some of the blame.

Knowing the girl has feck all to do with this too. They aren't close friends. He knew them in school and not even in the same year. As soon as she made it clear what her intentions were the OP should have removed himself from the situation. Her friend was there, she wasn't going to be left by herself in a vulnerable state. I'm also very confused as to how multiple attempts at hands down pants could have happened.

The comments regarding assault and rape are completely and utterly out of place on this thread and tbh are incredibly offensive. If the OP felt he was assaulted by this woman he should report her to the police, however he has made no such accusation. Instead this thread seems to be borne out of the fear that his missus is going to find out. Turning this into a petty gender argument isn't exactly helpful.

OP, you need to be completely honest with yourself about what happened with this girl. Did you kiss her back? If you did then you need to decide whether or not you should tell your girlfriend (nobody here can decide that for you.) If you genuinely did not reciprocate even for a second, then you should tell your girlfriend what happened and she will have no reason to be angry or upset. Unless she's some irrational loon she'll find the actions of this girl as something to be pitied.

LegacyUser

Trí wrote: »

How long did the full kiss that she initiated last?

Long enough for her to try and put your hand down her pants and her hand down your pants 'a number of times'??

Sorry, either i'm reading this wrong or I dont get it.

If I was in a relationship, if another guy tried to kiss me, i'd remove myself from the situation immediately. There wouldn't be time for trying to put hands down pants 'a number of times'.

What am I missing here?

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I've decided to tell my girlfriend tomorrow evening as to be honest I cant bare the thought of it, if it were to happen to her. As for the above post and a number of others I would genuinely like to clarify the fact that she did not get any where near down my pants or I down hers, any time she tried it would get to about six inches from outside the belt and I would pull away. So please dont go making bold assumptions. I have talked to her and she is extremely embarrassed at what she did, as is her sister (one of my close friends). She dismissed the notion of blaming the drink saying that its never an excuse. I can hold my head up high and honestly say that I did nothing and that is why I intend to tell my gf. I shall let you all know how it turns out, once again thanks for any input you have all had.

kjl

here OP, even if it did go on a bit longer, you were in shock and it is very hard to pull away instantly, nothing serious happened. Anyway he said she kissed him, I assume he pulled away instantly and then she proceeded to start to grope him. He didn't say he was kissing her the entire time.

Go home and explain it to your girlfriend before it gets twisted in conversation.

Wurly

Anon1984 wrote: »

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I've decided to tell my girlfriend tomorrow evening as to be honest I cant bare the thought of it, if it were to happen to her. As for the above post and a number of others I would genuinely like to clarify the fact that she did not get any where near down my pants or I down hers, any time she tried it would get to about six inches from outside the belt and I would pull away. So please dont go making bold assumptions. I have talked to her and she is extremely embarrassed at what she did, as is her sister (one of my close friends). She dismissed the notion of blaming the drink saying that its never an excuse. I can hold my head up high and honestly say that I did nothing and that is why I intend to tell my gf. I shall let you all know how it turns out, once again thanks for any input you have all had.

There were no bold assumptions OP, hence why I asked you to clarify.

Best of luck and hope things turn out well for all concerned.

Chinafoot

Anon1984 wrote: »

As for the above post and a number of others I would genuinely like to clarify the fact that she did not get any where near down my pants or I down hers, any time she tried it would get to about six inches from outside the belt and I would pull away. So please dont go making bold assumptions.

With all due respect OP, you said in your first post

She tried to put her hand down my pants and mine down hers, a number of times.

So I don't see how anyone is making "bold assumptions". You came here looking for advice and you've been given it. People have asked you to clarify how long it went on for, if you kissed her back (you never did answer that one) etc. Clarifying details means you'll get the best advice possible. Don't see why you're getting so defensive.

Good luck with your girlfriend. I do hope you're being genuinely honest with her about what happened.