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Overthinking

  • 27-12-2010 3:24am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Just thinking out loud (or by text)...think I need to type this out and get it off my chest

    I'm in a situation in which my girlfriend of 2 years does things like goes out and doesn't reply to texts or says she got home when in actual fact she went to a friends, she then retracts and says she stayed over at a friends when I say I called the house phone. She had said before she thought she was attracted to women, she has pictures of herself face to face, front to front hugging a lesbian from a night in which she had only met the girl a couple of nights before.

    My head is wrecked with this...if I'm at home or just having a normal day she won't be in contact much at all maybe a text before bed...I've tried to contact her during the days before but have learned it's pointless because she either won't reply or will get in a strife that she's too busy and can't deal with my messages. if I'm out with a group she doesn't really know she will constantly text me...

    It feels to be right now that all I am to her is a part of her image. It's healthy and normal to have a boyfriend in her mind so she has me. When it comes to actual commitment or serious conversations she's pretty non-commital and will throw the emphasis back on me, like how dare I say such a thing and it's too much pressure on her etc.

    This is the first girl I have loved in a long time. I still love her but her behaviour is completely unpredictable and she seems to hold be to double standards. I'm not sure how I can save this, when we talk she diverts the blame to me. I have tried lots of things and sacrifised loads and now I'm starting to wonder why.


Comments

  • #2
    BKtje
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,081 ✭✭✭BKtje


    Either you trust her or you don't, there is no middle ground.
    If you do then you need to tell her how you feel and that it annoys you that she lies (where she is staying etc) to you even if she feels it isn't a big deal. Let her know how serious an issue this is for you and that it can't continue.

    If you don't trust her then, well, you can still have the same conversation as above but I don't think anything she says will convince you to suddenly trust her though if you are lucky she may take what you say on board.

    Either way you have to talk to her because a relationship won't last if one/both parties don't trust the other or have issues that they won't talk about.

    To be totally honest it sounds to me from the little you've told of this girl that she does indeed see you as an "accessory" of sorts. That doesn't mean that she doesn't care for you but possibly not as much as you do for her. After knowing someone for a couple of years you can usually rely on your gut feelings, what does yours say?

    That said, I have just come out of a two year relationship where the last few months I was "used" which may colour my response negatively towards this girl(thread is on this very forum). You will have to decide yourself how much of my opinion applies to your situation.

    I wish you all the best.


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