Where to go from here

LegacyUser

I am so very lost in this world. I came on Boards to get some help/advice as my only friend I can talk to without being ridiculed, is my dog.

I'm 21, unemployed and uneducated.

My whole life I was treated like the "misfit" of the family. My sister and brother were the spoiled ones while I was constantly left out of everything. You may think I'm exaggerating but what I say is all true.

While growing up my siblings were woken up every morning, fed and driven to school. I could literally stand in a corner for a day and they wouldn't acknowledge my existence. Long story short, I was very young at the time and didn't want to study. They left me to my own devices and I was never encouraged, nor forced to go to school. Or to do anything of that effect.
Lo and behold, at the age of 16 I dropped out of school with a miserable junior cert. Sad to say my parent didn't realize until a few months later. I was a fool for leaving but I didn't have much sense back then. I'm quite surprised I would have done such a thing, now that I think about it.
My friends, whom can actually respond to me, have wondered how I have managed to survive for so long in a morose environment.

I spent the majority of the last 5 years doing completely nothing. Playing games on my computer, nothing more.
Until last year when I had an accident and I was in a coma for 3 weeks.

Ever since, I have wanted to go to back to my education and I want to do so many things. I've been reading up on everything that I want to do. Whether it be medicine, physics, biology, cosmology, astronomy, learn a few languages; I want to do them all.
Realistically, I can't. But I have it summed it down to Physics with Astronomy, with Russian as a side course.

Now here is my problem.
I have parents who refuse to pay for anything. Leaving cert, courses, night-courses; It's all out of the question. They laugh at me for even bringing it up, like it's their amusement for the evening. When it comes to my siblings my parents have payed up to 23k a year. In the past year I have been looking for jobs to pay for it but with no success. I would have even settled with walking dogs all day long just to pay for the leaving cert course. Jobs require experience or a reference, both of which I have none.

What do I do.. What would you do?

Gerry.L

Do some voluntary work. Gets you a reference plus it gets you experience and it gets you out of the house and away from video games. But importantly, it gives you a taste of different jobs and interests. Was a **major** help for me a few years back when I was in a similar boat and hadnt a clue what I wanted to do....

SugarHigh

When you turn 23 you will be able to apply to college as a mature student without a LC. You should also get back to education allowance. You will have to do an interview to get into a course so try and do volunteer work and anything related to your course, even study on your own using the Internet.

UpCork

That is so sad OP. Evidently you really want to go and obtain these qualifications and it is sad you are not receiving the necessary support and encouragement.

I agree with the others. Do volunteer work. Now more than ever people will be delighted with others to offer their services for free. I know it might be a bit of a pain in the backside not to earn a bit of money for a days graft, however you need to see it as building up a portfolio of skill, experiences and references.

I don't know how old you are but after the age of 23, as others have said you can apply to colleges as a mature student and you do not need the Leaving Cert.

If you wanted to you could start off doing a PLC course - ease you back into the classroom environment. Very often these courses, once you've built up enough credits can allow you to enter year 2 of a degree course at University level.

There are wonderful supports in place in colleges and universities for mature students.

I wish you good luck

Esoteric_

I understand that your parents paid for your siblings, did nothing for you, etc, but you still shouldn't expect them to pay for your education.

I'm really not trying to be a b!tch here but if when you were younger, you showed no interest in school and dropped out, I'd be wary about paying for you to study now, too. I dropped out of college 4 years ago and my father is VERY wary of paying for me to go back to college in September, in case I do the same thing again.

So you need to get a job, first and foremost. FÁS do CE schemes, where you work for 19.5 hours per week and get a little over the maximum dole payment per week in return for the work. It would get you the work experience that you require to move on and get a better job to pay for your education. If you've been unemployed for a year or more, you can apply for a place on the government scheme where they pay for you to go back to college. You'd have to start off doing a PLC course, maybe a PLC leaving cert? That way you'd get a full dole payment each week, while getting an education, too.

Work on your CV, too. I can't tell you how many CVs we throw away in my place because they don't appear impressive at the first glance.

Aside from all of that, most Leaving Cert PLC courses only cost a few hundred euro. If you were to save your ass off between now and September, you could do 3 subjects next year, 3 the year after and by then you'd be a mature student when going to college.

Fittle

Having 'survived' a pretty dysfunctional family myself OP, I believe everything you say. As a parent myself now, I have no clue why some parents choose to treat their children so differently. I think it's important for you, that you try to move away from the feeling of 'they gave them everything, while I got nothing'. Hard to do, I know, but that feeling will get you nowhere, will continue to fill you with resentment, and won't help you as you try to move away from the dysfunction of your family life.

Unfortunately, at 21, you really just have to accept that you are not going to get to the support from your parents that you deserve. Some of us are blessed with amazing parents, some of us aren't, life sucks sometimes:(. But if you begin to accept your situation, it is defiinitely a step in the right direction for you. Acceptance (that your parents aren't what they should be), will set you free from that feeling that life is just not fair - that they are bad parents, that they have nurtured your siblings more than you etc etc.

So rather than fighting the feeling...accept it and make a plan for your life. As others have said, at 23, you will be eligible for adult ed grants etc. I agree with you, that education is the way out of your situation.

I take it you live at home? I know you're unemployed but is there any way you could move into a house share? You really need to be out of the environment of your home life - that will do nothing to encourage your needs.

You also said you're uneducated. Yes, you may have left school at 16, but your post is intelligent, articulate and a good read (even though it's quite sad:(), so while you may not have received much in the way of education through the school system, you are most certainly clever and smart enough to make your plan, and achieve it.

I wish you all the best in life OP - as a woman many years older than you, I remember my 20s well, when I had a similar family situation to deal with. I drifted for years, constantly bemoaning the fact that nobody really cared about me. I was well into my 30s before I realised that once I cared about me, that's what would get me through! So don't waste your 20s OP...get yourself a plan, focus on it, and before you know it, life will be good for you:)

Ellen33

Hi OP - I hope this doesn't sound too harsh but I feel now you need to pick yourself up don't indulge in any self pity and go out and give life a good go. Forget the past and focus on the future you cannot ever change your past but you can improve on the present.

Think positive and go out and do some volunteer work there is plenty of it around if you look - what are your interests? You will be surprised how many doors will be opened to you ..

wealthyman

I am 21 and I am in a similar situation. Although I completed my Leaving Cert, I wasn't bothered and the results were not anything to broadcast. So why not go back in september 2011 and do your leaving cert? You have to be 23 on the January of the year you apply to be a mature student, so if like me you are not then more time could be wasted waiting around to apply.

LegacyUser

Many thanks for the replies, especially Fittle.

I do live at home, yes. But leaving would be an inconsiderable option without money to keep me going.
The problem is that I have to wait two years to apply for an adult ed grant.
I'm going to try and find somewhere to do the leaving cert for 1/2 years. I don't particularly want to wait around for another 2 years, so the LC just makes more sense. I just have to hide it from my family...


Thanks again, all of you. I am very grateful

Moomoo1

have you tried learning yourself? If you have steady internet access, there are a lot of textbooks and learning aids available online. As well as forums where helpful people will answer your questions.

With maths-based subjects like Physics I'd be wary, because some people just don't have a grasp of numbers and how Maths works. And learning Maths from scratch at 21 is tough. Although, if you are naturally talented in that area then you should be alright.

but with languages there is no reason not to make a start tomorrow. You say you want to learn Russian: have you tried looking for resources online? Learned the alphabet? Read some Russian writers (in English)? Have a look on the Boards Russian forum: we'd be very happy to point you in the right direction :-).

and please, don't hide whatever you do from your parents. Studying is hard enough in the best of circumstances, when are limited to the few hours that the house is empty it becomes impossible.

Freddie59

uncertainofpath wrote: »

I am so very lost in this world. I came on Boards to get some help/advice as my only friend I can talk to without being ridiculed, is my dog.

I'm 21, unemployed and uneducated.

My whole life I was treated like the "misfit" of the family. My sister and brother were the spoiled ones while I was constantly left out of everything. You may think I'm exaggerating but what I say is all true.

While growing up my siblings were woken up every morning, fed and driven to school. I could literally stand in a corner for a day and they wouldn't acknowledge my existence. Long story short, I was very young at the time and didn't want to study. They left me to my own devices and I was never encouraged, nor forced to go to school. Or to do anything of that effect.
Lo and behold, at the age of 16 I dropped out of school with a miserable junior cert. Sad to say my parent didn't realize until a few months later. I was a fool for leaving but I didn't have much sense back then. I'm quite surprised I would have done such a thing, now that I think about it.
My friends, whom can actually respond to me, have wondered how I have managed to survive for so long in a morose environment.

I spent the majority of the last 5 years doing completely nothing. Playing games on my computer, nothing more.
Until last year when I had an accident and I was in a coma for 3 weeks.

Ever since, I have wanted to go to back to my education and I want to do so many things. I've been reading up on everything that I want to do. Whether it be medicine, physics, biology, cosmology, astronomy, learn a few languages; I want to do them all.
Realistically, I can't. But I have it summed it down to Physics with Astronomy, with Russian as a side course.

Now here is my problem.
I have parents who refuse to pay for anything. Leaving cert, courses, night-courses; It's all out of the question. They laugh at me for even bringing it up, like it's their amusement for the evening. When it comes to my siblings my parents have payed up to 23k a year. In the past year I have been looking for jobs to pay for it but with no success. I would have even settled with walking dogs all day long just to pay for the leaving cert course. Jobs require experience or a reference, both of which I have none.

What do I do.. What would you do?

I am really sorry to hear how you have been treated. Yet, from reading your post, you appear to be highly articulate. Your grammar and punctuation are perfect. You have an awful lot going for you.

As another poster has advised, do some voluntary work; then return as a mature student. Don't let anyone mock you or discourage you. Ignore them. They're the ones with the problem. Not you.

The very best of luck to you my friend.

Freddie59

Fittle wrote: »

As a parent myself now, I have no clue why some parents choose to treat their children so differently.

Indeed. This is at the core of a lot of family issues. As parents of three children (now all in their 20s) we went to extremes to make sure NONE of them were treated any differently.

They all took different paths. One has his own business (left school after LC); one training to be an accountant (after completing her business degree); and the last one emigrated in 08:( and now works for a multinational abroad (again immediately after her LC).

Your children are so precious. I thank God every day for them. Nothing else in this world comes before them for both of us. Why, oh why, are some parents so dense that they cannot see this?