This years stupid xmas cracker jokes

mahamageehad

so any one got any fantastic xmas cracker jokes??

My pick this year is:

Why do jockeys bring their saddles to bed..??

In case they get nightmares!!!

:P

closely followed by:

What did the beaver say to the tree??

Nice gnawing you!!!

:P

*cue hilarious laughs.
So fess up AH whats the best(worst!) cracker joke you've seen this year!!!

KeithM89_old

How long do a reindeers legs have to be?
Long enough so they can touch the ground...
:rolleyes:

evercloserunion

What's the fastest fish in the world?
A motor pike.

Why do barbers make good drivers?
Because they know all the best shortcuts.

karlog

What do you call a train full of professors?

A smarty tube

mahamageehad

Whats the most intelligent type of sweets??

Smarties!!


:rolleyes:

TanG411

Did you hear about the hyena who ate an oxo cube?

He made a laughing stock of himself!

jonas7

What wobbles when it flies? A jellycopter:cool:

keano_afc

Got a box of "luxury" crackers this year. Good stocking fillers but all had the same joke:

Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can hoe hoe hoe.

mahamageehad

Why are brides unlucky??

Because they never marry the best man

Deedsie

What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve....

BrokenArrows

i thanked the ones that made me actually laugh.

cant remember the ones i had today. they are in the bin now.

AnneElizabeth

Eleven out of the Tweleve Chritsmas Crackers we got said:

What goes "oh oh oh"?

Santa Claus walking backwards.

DJKendo

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Why did the airplane crash?
Because the pilot was a tomato.

Why did Mary fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.

matrim

what happens if you play table tennis with a bad egg?

First it goes ping, then it goes pong

Lady von Purple

1-Who discovered fireworks? Some bright spark. 2- What do you call people who make clothes for rabbits? Hare-dressers. 3- Why does a milking stool have only two legs? Because the cow has the udder one. There were others, but they were all equally as bad. Hey, Christmas wouldn't be the same without terrible jokes and silly hats. Enjoy!

MiniNukinfuts

What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper.

pebbles21

I've just woke up to find Santa hasn't been.

What a **** year, first my mum and dad die in a car crash and now this

Slunk

How does Jack frost get to work?

B-icicle

ScareGilly

DJKendo wrote: »

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Why did the airplane crash?
Because the pilot was a tomato.

Why did Mary fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.

It's a loaf of bread, get it right..

karlog

ScareGilly wrote: »

It's a loaf of bread, get it right..

I still don't get it.

TanG411

karlog wrote: »

I still don't get it.

Loaves of bread can fly planes.

ejmaztec

Rosicky7 wrote: »

Loaves of bread can fly planes.

Only the loaflying ones.

dolliemix

Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
He's a fun guy to be with.

steo87

All the family were at the table having our dinner. I picked up one of the crappy cracker jokes from earlier and pretended that it said the following:

"what did the prick say to the bollox?"

My sister, quick as a flash, shouted "get a hair cut" :pac: