Help me before I ruin a good thing

LegacyUser

Hi all, just looking for some advice from anyone who's been in my situation. Been going out with my boyfriend for a few months now and its going really well, we have a great time together and I really enjoy his company. We only get to see each other on weekends, sometimes maybe midweek every now and then due to distance and work commitments, which is obviously quite hard. He seems to really care about me, has told me so on numerous occasions, and we always have a great time when we're together, and he tells me that he misses me when I'm gone.

The problem is that I am a serious overthinker, and I am insecure in myself. I know what my faults are, and I can see what I'm doing, and so far I've managed to let the crazy out only with my friends or just keep it to myself. What I'm afraid of is that he will eventually pick up on it and I will drive him away.

We talk every day, but it is mostly me who initiates conversation (text mostly), and we've had conversations about this, he has said he prefers me to initiate as he's not great at it, he does initiate conversation often, but not as often as I would like compared to how often I have to. If he doesn't reply I won't text again, but he always replies and the conversations are great. But if he does something like not reply for ages, or go offline on MSN in the evening and not contact me for the night, my brain races a mile a minute thinking about what's going on! Or if he seems quiet in his conversations, or doesnt put a "x" at the end of his good night message, or little things like that, my brain goes into overdrive!

I panic that he will end things because he said to me already that he finds it hard not seeing me more and seeing me only once a week is difficult, and I'm afraid he'll think like that again and end it. We talked about this after it happened and he assured me it was just a once off and he is very happy.

Its just because he's so easygoing in terms of communication and he could go for a day or two without talking and it not bother him, but he'd be just as happy to talk to me all day if I text first! I hate what my overthinking is doing to me because I have always been strong in a relationship and I feel so vulnerable, what can I do to fix this before I get out of control and ruin a really good thing? As I said, the time we have together is always absolutely brilliant and he enjoys it too, and when I leave he texts saying he misses me, and this great communication lasts a day or two before he goes back to easygoing self again!

Sorry for the length!

dsmythy

Just reading yor post there shows the overthinking quite clearly

He's your boyfriend. If you're thinking about him and want to text him then do it. If he always texts you back then happy days. It doesn't seem to bother him.

mrpink6789

wow, this is actually exactly what I'm like with my girlfriend, I overthink and over analyse situations and get a little freaked if she doesnt put an x on the bottom of a message. I know its all good with her so you just have to try and relax a little bit OP. The reason you are overthinking is because you really like this guy and dont want it to end, its all perfectly natural. If you are happy with you doing all the initiating then keep on doing it, otherwise do try and leave it for a day or two so he has to realise he has to do a bit as well. Obviously your mind will be going mad until he texts but it will be better for you in the long run!

miec

Hi Op

It sounds to me that you feel you do most of the initiating and that your feelings may be stronger than his. It also sounds like that he is the centre of your world but it may be possible that whilst he really really likes you, you are not the centre of his world. I know it is extremely difficult to step back but I would urge you to do so for your own peace of mind. I agree with you that your over analysing of things could affect the relationship, and the amount of energy and effort you are putting in could lower your own self esteem. If you can, step back from doing all the intiating, let him do some of the work, when you do all the doing it gives a subliminal message that you don't think you are worth the effort. If you can try to build up your confidence or at least try to understand where your insecurities stem from. Explain to your boyfriend that you won't always be doing all the contacting and that you would like him to make contact but equally if you don't hear from him that you accept this (despite feeling inwardly that you would like to). The thing is if you can manage this you will grow to like yourself better. Believe me I was very like you, I did all the work, all the running and I realised that I let myself down in the process. It is hard to step back, and painful too but its worth it because the other person no longer becomes the centre of your existence. Also trust the fact he wants to be with you and that he likes you for you. Men are not in the habit of being with women they don't like.