Booze

LegacyUser

Hi,
Really need to get this off my chest. I'm 35 single male & need to really knock the booze on the head. I thought at this stage of my life I'd be over this but still regularly go out
- get pissed losing memory;
- mouthing off at people or saying ridiculous things;
- staying up all night at parties;
- doing drugs at weekend;
- sometimes miss work on Mondays;
- going into work on Mondays in bits;
- earn €70K a year but still never have money as it all goes on going out the weekend;
- any relatiionships just fizzle because I'm an asshole when drunk or just lose interest
These things don't happen all the time but they do occur and once I start drinking I don't know if they will occur.
Generally I'm a decent bloke with a good responsible job, own house and a good relationship with my family. But I certainly lead a double life. If the people who I work with or deal with via work saw my antics at weekend they would be appalled.
I'm physically fit and a decent looking fella but as long as I keep the weekend drinking up I can't get my sh*t together. Not the best time of year to be considering this but I need to stop and hibernate over the Christmas from a financial and mental health perpsective. My biggest worry is that I will become a loner and delve into a sad depressed individual with no social life.
Any views?

Katgurl

Stop letting your social life revolve around booze.

Sign up for a triathlon or marathon and follow the training plan. Tell everyone you're off booze till it's over. Then if you do decide start driniking again, switch to bottled beer and alternate glasses of water. Try turning up later so you're not drinking for long periods. Avoid all day sessions altogether. Take control on a night out - regularly monitor how drunk you are and if you're getting too far gone, drink water for a half hour.

If you're still suffering you may need think about aa and stopping completely.

Don't give yourself such a hard time. Lots of people including me have gotten themselves into dangerous territory - we are a nation of drunks after all. The important thing is that you are facing up to it.

sollar

This may seem like a simple question but why can't you go out on a sat night and drink 5 or 6 pints.

Walls

Firstly, do go ahead and give yourself a rest, you sound like you need it. Drink lots of water and eat sugar while you're at it; alcohol has a lot of sugar in it and you'll suffer less withdrawals if you keep up with the chocolate.

Secondly, about your concerns; you will not lead a dull life, and you won't turn into Billy no mates, for one very simple reason. Almost no one you know drinks like you do. Many folks have about three drinks over an evening, hit a club and then taxi home. If you're going easy on drink or not drinking, you will actually fit right in for the first time, rather than be seen as a liability.

Finally, just go easy on yourself. Drink takes it out of you mentally *and* physically, so things are going to be a bit weird for a bit. Take things easy and relax. And good for you.

LegacyUser

Time to stop living the life of a 20yr old student!

Taking drugs and behaving like a complete piss-head is not the life of a responsible man in your mid-30's..

But you know all this!

Just take a step back..Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

The oldest swinger in town? Hanging out with people who are about half your age on drink and drugs, going home to an empty house? Possibly still in the same job because you turn up for work and cant give it your best due to the fact that a middle aged body cant recover as quickly?

Or a settled responsible man, married/kids maybe?


You don't mention any interests outside of your weekend sessions? Maybe throw yourself into sports or some serious dating?

Jo King

sollar wrote: »

This may seem like a simple question but why can't you go out on a sat night and drink 5 or 6 pints.

This may seem like a simple answer but people with a drink problem just cannot stop. Once started they go on and on.


O/p you have reached stage 1 which is the most important. You recognise that you have a problem.
Starting from there you need to find a way of managing it. Some people need help such as joining an organisation such as AA or the like. Some people find a change of scene and company does the trick.
Are there people encouraging you? Is it just habit?
It will take perseverence. Do not underestimate the challenge.

HannahBecker

How could you possibly think that knocking the binge drinking and drugs on the head might make you depressed and a loner? Surely being in your mid-thirties and still out taking drugs, causing trouble and missing work is infinitely more depressing? You say you are a decent guy, good job, nice family, fit etc. YOU NEED A GIRLFRIEND! ( or boyfriend, don't want to assume anything here). Going out every weekend and getting trashed is what we all do when we're in our early twenties, single, still living at home and "afraid" that we will miss out on something. As you get older and have your own apartment (which I assume you do on 70k a year) the real pleasure comes from getting home, having a nice dinner, opening a nice bottle of wine and watching a movie with someone you love. That's what I dream about all day at work.
You don't need to stop drinking altogether, but you mention being a twat when you're drunk and missing work. Try staying in at the weekends with a few movies and a couple of beers. What are you missing by not being out on the town? Are you really having fun there? It doesn't sound like it! I am not saying that you need a partner to be happy. But believe me, once you meet someone special, you no longer feel the need to be out all the time going mental.
You say you "lead a double life" and have "memory loss".........And you're worried that stopping drinking might give you depression? By the sounds of it, you must be a nightmare to go out with on a Friday night. Spend a weekend at home with some nice food and some of your favourite movies, have a bath, sleep in late, have a nice bottle of wine if you feel like it, and see if that is more fun than partying all night long, spending all your money and missing work on Monday morning.
You say your relationships "fizzle out" because of your "antics". This is true, but no woman is attacted to a 35 year old man who drinks too much, takes drugs, acts like an "asshole" when drunk and regularly misses work because of all night parties. Unless she is an an unemployed, alcoholic with a penchant for narcotics and low self-esteem.

freakmagnet

You have a drink problem - get that addressed, and work from there. And a relationship doesn't equal maturity. Bottles of wine, cuddling and DVDs doesn't' mean that you have finally arrived in Nirvana - same could be repugnant to you (as it is for lots of people) and is certainly no marker for happiness - but maybe for some people. You certainly don't need a girlfriend or boyfriend to turn your life around - just work on your drinking habits, and IF you wanted one and IF changing your life about increased your prospects of getting one, then that's an added bonus of addressing your drink problem.

mikemac

You need a distraction or to phrase it better a goal

Sign up for a marathon. There are several going on next Spring all over Europe and we have a forum for this

Ok, we have snow but get training and it's great for discipline

And yes I visited a GP over drinking. Getting a passion for running was something that worked for me. Maybe you?

John400

Jo King wrote: »

Some people need help such as joining an organisation such as AA or the like. Some people find a change of scene and company does the trick.

Agreed.

OP, i recognise your problem as i had a male family relation in the same situation as you.

Personally i'd recommend that you go and see a good counsellor in your area. Usually they do six sessions.

Hank_Jones

I'm going to be honest.

To me it sounds like you are possibly looking for sympathy but have no real plans to change your lifestyle.

You're not happy living your life the way you are, so change it.
Nobody is going to do it for you, you have to do it yourself.

I know what I'm talking about, I used to be like you.

miec

You certainly don't need a girlfriend or boyfriend to turn your life around - just work on your drinking habits, and IF you wanted one and IF changing your life about increased your prospects of getting one, then that's an added bonus of addressing your drink problem.

+ 1. Besides you need to stop drinking for yourself otherwise a potential girlfriend will eventually be put in the role of a parent. I remember a guy I went out with as a teenager (it was a sweet romance and he was a nice guy) developed a drinking problem like you have Op, this lad got his brother to ask me out a few years back in the hope that I would help him off the drink, then the guy rang me up drunk asking me out. I didn't want to take on the role as his saviour so politely declined, he is a nice bloke but his life is in a mess. There is so much else you can do Op, espicially due to the fact you have a good wage, is there anything that interests you? Be it keeping fit, learning a language, joining a club of some sort. You could replace the nights out with something like that instead.

dominiquecruz

OP, you're evidently unhappy with your drinking habits and the problems they're causing you, and thus you need to change.

First of all, I notice you say you need to 'knock the booze on the head'. I'd be weary of adopting such an all or nothing attitude. Just because you've identified a problem doesn't necessarily mean you have to start leading some kind of pious, teetotal lifestyle from here on in (although it wouldnt be as bad as you seem to imagine!) Missing work/blackouts/aggressive behaviour and all the other things you mention are symptoms of a problem drinker.. namely, that you're drinking too much.

Take the holidays to reassess whats important to you. I doubt very much that you're even having any kind of fun at the weekends, if you cant remember anything. Do you think you're happy in general? Are you happy in your career? Are you OK being single? I just ask because people often use alcohol as an outlet for their anxieties.

Find focus elsewhere. You need to learn to enjoy yourself, and to be sociable, without alcohol involvement. Try to spend your weekends doing things you actually enjoy (cinema, gigs, theatre, comedy, restaurants etc). Set yourself some goals; like someone else mentioned, a marathon.. or maybe if sports arent your thing, a language, or an instrument. Even something as simple as reading more.

You can still drink, but dont drink to get drunk. If you're hanging out with people that you only get on with when you're locked, then move on. They're not mates. Have a few beers, have some decent conversation and a bit of a laugh, but know when its enough. If you can't do that, then I'd consider giving up the drink altogether.

Sorry if all that sounds kind of preachy, but similar to Hank_Jones, I used to be in a very similar position to you.

Its about making the life you want for yourself. Good luck.

LegacyUser

Hi
OP Here. Some good advice all round.
I think a lot of how I carry on depends on who I'm with.
No probs have 2-3 glasses of wine over dinner at Christmas etc but when Sat night comes round it just turns into a riduclous session.
I spend the week working, in the gym and playing guitar but need some sort of release when Saturday comes.
Need to mature and settle down really.