Very messy situation....

LegacyUser

Hi guys

First time poster here. I am posting this on behalf of a close friend (Note:this is genuinely about someone else, not about me).

Ok, so she started in a new job 2 years ago and worked quite closely with other team members. After a few months she noticed that one of the guys, who had been very friendly initially, had "drawn back" so to speak, and was being kind of rude and short with her. She got a bit upset by it, but continued what she was doing anyway.

Fast forward a few months - and he tells her that he is madly in love with her.Completely, totally adores her. The catch? He's 10 years older, with a wife and kids. Thing is, she liked him too, but until he said something about it, she just figured he was not available and that was it. Now though.....

I've seen them together.He is completely nuts about her.Really, really cares for her.And it is eating the 2 of them up inside.She told nobody for about 10 months....and during those 10 months, things were not right.Weight loss, tired all the time, the whole works. I guessed one day (I won't go into how). Nothing has happened between them, she has told him that she doesn't want to be the other woman and won't allow anything to happen.

So I suppose what I want to ask you all is do you have any opinions on what she could do to get him out of her head? They are both moving jobs, away from each other, it's that bad.It's just that I don't think, having seen them together lately, that's going to make much of a difference. I know there's not much she can do, because it's him that has put her in this position. But she's in bits over it, in every sense of the word, and it's been going on for far too long now. She's not in a good way emotionally or physically, for one thing, and for another thing, I'd be very,very concerned that sooner or later his wife is going to realise what's going on.

I'd really like some of your thoughts on this.

astra2000

You sound like a very good friend to be so worried about your mate. I believe that all you can do is be there for her and support her. I believe it will get easier for both of them in time when they are not seeing each other all the time. They are doing the right and you need to keep reminding your friend of this. I know you say this man has strong feelings for your friend but he obviously loves his family more and thats for the best. I hope your friend finds the happiness she deserves and hopefully when her mind is more clear this will be easier for her.

That_Guy

Kudos for being a good mate first of all. The fact that she's moving jobs away from him is a good thing.

It's extremely unfair of him to say something like that considering he's got a wife and kids. I admire your mate for not doing anything about these feelings.

They'll be apart from each other which will give them both breathing space. He can continue on as normal with his wife and kids and she can start seeing people.

I'd recommend that your mate cuts all contact with this guy. Facebook/phone number etc. Everything should be deleted. It'll help her forget about him.