The usual dilema

whatado

Ok

Im gay and in 5th year in secondary school.
Im not out and i dont really plan on coming out anytime soon.
I feel so lonely, I have loads of friends and a few very close friends but I just feel like i have nobody in the same boat as myself.

I do this thing in dublin every Saturday and there is this guy the same age as i myself(17) that I met, and I have fallen head over heals for him. He is literally all I think about these days!

I have a strong gut feeling he is gay and I know they say u dont know if someone is gay until you ask them but i really do think he is gay, but tdont want to ask him as I now how much i hate people who ask me!

So really the only question or questions im asking is 2 things

1. How do i stop feeling so loney

and

2. What should i do with this guy! I dont wanna ruin a friendship

Chuchoter

First of all, you aren't on your own in this situation. Fellow pissed off 5th year right here! In fact I think theres a fair few of us in 5th year, we should make some kind of boards club :P :P

In terms of the friends situation, I'm in the same place. I have loads and loads of friends and no close friends. I'm out to a few friends but we've kind of drifted for a variety of reasons. In fact I'd say my closest friends are probably online, because I can be open with them without fear of my whole year knowing what I said the next day :S So obviously you can give BelongTo a go, or just hang around on the variety of gay youth boards/chat sites (thegyc.com, queerattitude.com). It is really lonely though having nobody to kind of call up or talk to at lunch over whatever issue (even if its not a sad thing like, I mean you can't talk about the people you like either)

As for the guy, thats a tough one (same situation again with a girl in my year I am nearly sure is gay!!). I would try spending time with him outside the context of the Saturday thing and you might get a better idea from that

maryd83

It gets better. I absolutely promise.

I know how you feel. 1000 aquaintances, so few friends. That was secondary school for me too. I understand. I only told my closest closest friends in secondary school and only the ones I knew were gay. I couldn't even utter the word "gay" when I tried "bisexual" would come out! Ugh... !!

Anyway, got to college, made extremely close friends who I love unreservedly and anyway, the whole being gay thing had really begun to get to me and on one drunken night out I was just a mess and me and my friend who I hadn't known that long were alone and we had like a "I love you man!" light-hearted chat and I just said, "I wanna tell you something but I don't know how" and I just said it and she was so incredibly cool about it. Now all my friends know and support me entirely. They even talk about what girls they think are hot with me! My point is, it really will all be OK one day. Secondary school seemed so hard. Like I didn't belong there and that I would lose EVERYTHING strictly because of something I had no control over. It seemed so frustratingly unfair. Just hold on.

DS333

You say you have loads of friends and a few close friends. Why are you lonely? What makes you feel lonely? Is it because you yearn for intimacy?

whatado

DS333 wrote: »

You say you have loads of friends and a few close friends. Why are you lonely? What makes you feel lonely? Is it because you yearn for intimacy?

I feel lonely because I feel alone, yes i am surrounded by tons of people but I dont have that one person I can say anything two.

I dont think its intimacy I want, im just 17, yes id like a gay relationship with someone(ive never had a love relationship) but i dont think i want sex!!

DS333

whatado wrote: »

I feel lonely because I feel alone, yes i am surrounded by tons of people but I dont have that one person I can say anything two.

I dont think its intimacy I want, im just 17, yes id like a gay relationship with someone(ive never had a love relationship) but i dont think i want sex!!

You want a friend you can confide in and trust to be yourself with. That's perfectly understandable, but not so easy for us unfortunately. It's difficult to tell whether another guy is gay or not. I've never been any good at it.

Until you can be sure, be friends with him. Get close to him. The urge to confide in someone is very strong but be patient - because you could ruin everything by being precipitate. And in a case like that, even if he were gay, I feel that sex would get in the way.

And congratulations on accepting who you are at your age. I ran a mile. That's heroic of you.

whatado

DS333 wrote: »

And congratulations on accepting who you are at your age. I ran a mile. That's heroic of you.

Thank you that has acctully really cheered me up!

Coeurdepirate

There's a 5th year thread in the LC forum, who wants a 5th year LGBT thread?

Chuchoter

I would actually love a 5th year LGBT thread :P
I remember there being issues with youth threads though, I tried to set one up way back when I first joined but I think they cause problems with weirdos pretending to be the same age.

Coeurdepirate

Same, you should make one

whatado

ye there are a good few people in 5th year and are LGBT

nice too know there is a few of us out there

DS333

whatado wrote: »

Thank you that has acctully really cheered me up!

Gosh!!

Thanks!!!

I'm really chuffed about that.

I can almost say that the hell I experienced was worth it if it enables me to help and support other people in the same boat and help them avoid the pitfalls I had to reckon with.

Am reading a book at the moment by a Jesuit priest who states the following concerning us:

"Perhaps no single group of human beings has been subjected to greater injustice, persecution, and suffering than they."

Are you surprised that you feel lonely at times, considering what we still have to put up with?

You keep doing what you're doing because you're definitely on the right track. But I would say - from experience - for your own peace of mind, try to avoid obsessing about people or your circumstances. Take things calmly as they come and you'll be a lot happier. I know it's easier said than done, but for what it's worth. I'm only thinking of you and people like you...:)

It's YOU GUYS who'll change the world. Me... I'm turning the first sod of turf.:D:D:D:D

And Happy Christmas too. AND may 2011 be the beginning of your liberation from all that is negative and hurtful.

Boston

If I had a life philosophy, it would be that you need to be happy and content in yourself before you able to be happy and content with someone else. You are just beginning to discover who you are as a person and as you progress things will seem less scary and you'll be less lonely.

As to what to do with the other guy. Ask yourself what you hope to achieve, and is it at all likely. Then ask yourself if it's worth the risk. Chances are, it is.

whatado

Thanks everybody.

Do ya know what just kinda clicked today.

I feel like I'm lonely cause i isolated myself because im gay, but do ya know what!!

Im just gonna be myself and if they dont like it effff 'em. Lifes too short too be wasted.

So new year is on the way and im gonna take it all and appricate everything. Sure we all have down time, feel lonely. All i got to think to myself is that I could be so much more worse in life!

And as for the guy I like, well I'll see where nature takes its course and if its ment to be then its ment to be

Hope you all had a fantastic christmas and have a joyous new year!

DS333

whatado wrote: »

Thanks everybody.

Do ya know what just kinda clicked today.

I feel like I'm lonely cause i isolated myself because im gay, but do ya know what!!

Im just gonna be myself and if they dont like it effff 'em. Lifes too short too be wasted.

So new year is on the way and im gonna take it all and appricate everything. Sure we all have down time, feel lonely. All i got to think to myself is that I could be so much more worse in life!

And as for the guy I like, well I'll see where nature takes its course and if its ment to be then its ment to be

Hope you all had a fantastic christmas and have a joyous new year!

Whatado,

You're a regular hero.

Always remember that, despite it being the 21st century, we're still exposed and vulnerable. People will raise their ugly heads now and again and throw you off balance. But don't allow that to force you to question who you are and whether you've made the right choices.

You HAVE made the right choices and they'll fade into the past. Remember the old saying: Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

Good luck and I hope and wish that the rest of your life will overflow with joy and happiness and all that's good.

Coeurdepirate

DS333 wrote: »

Whatado,

You're a regular hero.

Always remember that, despite it being the 21st century, we're still exposed and vulnerable. People will raise their ugly heads now and again and throw you off balance. But don't allow that to force you to question who you are and whether you've made the right choices.

You HAVE made the right choices and they'll fade into the past. Remember the old saying: Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

Good luck and I hope and wish that the rest of your life will overflow with joy and happiness and all that's good.

I'm gonna sound like such a stalker, but you post in this forum a lot, and I think I love you. Your comments are so nice!

DS333

Coeurdepirate wrote: »

I'm gonna sound like such a stalker, but you post in this forum a lot, and I think I love you. Your comments are so nice!

That's a really sweet thing to say. I just hope I can help other people avoid the multitude of mistakes I made.

And, no, you don't sound like a stalker.:)