His family happy my family sad

LegacyUser

Hey, I'm writing because I've let myself be thrown in between other people's decisions up until now. I'm in my last year of my degree, my brother died a couple of years ago (going on 3 next year) and my brother in law had a heart attack just this year. My sister and kids living back with our parents while she gets used to living without her husband. It's been a couple of horrid years. But my boyfriend and I have been together all this time. Last christmas we were with his folks, the year before we were at his sisters' the year before we were apart. This year my parents have asked me to stay with them because they've not seen me at christmas for 2 years, and want me home because of everything that has happened, I know my boyfriend would be automatically invited.

He will be half an hour's drive away from me, and since neither of us drive it would be on other people who we depend on to drive us to where we're going. I don't know what to do, his sister has invited me again this year, but I feel an obligation to my parents. I'll be on the couch because of sister and kids but it doesn't bother me. But thinking about it i really want to be with my boyfriend. It will be depressing at home with the doom and gloom, I know I've made my own peace with everything that has happened, and just want to enjoy the time our family has together rather than sit and mourn, and I know that is going to happen.

Any advice gladly sought.

astra2000

Hi op firstly I am sorry that you and your family have had such a tough few years and I hope the future is brighter.
If you do decide to spend the day with your family could you make a suggestion that ye adults put your grief aside for the day in order that the children have a relatively happy day I am sure losing their father has been a huge turmoil for them. Could you spend christmas eve with your bf and get your dad to collect you mid morn or maybe your bf might stay with you it may be a case of the more the merrier.
Speak with your bf he may have a better solution. I do think that your family may need you more than ever this year and you may end up regretting it if you dont spend it at home. Best of luck

curlzy

Hey OP,

First of all sorry for all your family's hardship, what a harsh few years you've had:( Myself and OH go to both sets of parents, first to mine until around 5, then over to his, maybe arrange something like this? It sounds like your family really needs you there so really have a good think about making an appearance.

littlefriend

I think you are being incredibly selfish.

Kimia

littlefriend wrote: »

I think you are being incredibly selfish.

What a horrible thing to say. I'm sure the OP is feeling guilty enough without begruding nasty snide remarks like that trying to make her feel worse.

Op, I understand where you're coming from. Grief is a funny thing and sometimes when we've made our peace with something it only takes someone else's sadness to throw us back into turmoil and despair, so naturally we try and avoid those situations and stay with people who make us happy (your boyfriend) rather than sad, which you shouldn't feel guilty about.

Why don't you talk to your parents and explain how you feel, gently?

Zaph

littlefriend, may I remind you that off-topic and unhelpful posts can result in an infraction and/or ban in this forum. I suggest you read the charter carefully before posting here again.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, why do you assume that being at home at Christmas with your family will be all doom and gloom? First of all there will be kids so there is going to be a level of excitement not normally enjoyed. Secondly it is a particular time for family closeness. Even in times of stress it doesn't mean that it is bad. In fact it can be quite the opposite albeit a little more sombre than usual.

I know this from experiencing Xmas following family deaths. I think you should put your family first this year.

StillWaters

I also think it would be very selfish of you to go to your bf's sisters house.

This is the first Christmas your sister has been widowed and your nieces/nephews have lost their dad.

I know you are still very young, and to an extent self centeredness comes with that territory, but I cannot believe you even think there is a dilemma here.

ManOfMystery

I have to agree with everyone else. Staying at home might not be the most appealing thing to do as it won't be 'fun', but it's the right thing to do. Your parents and sister have had to cope with some huge losses and as Xmas is a family time, you'll do much more good for them by being there than spending it with your boyfriend.