Boyf wants to stay in mine at Xmas!! PLEASE advise!

boxoff

Hey lads and lassies,

Just would like to hear you honest opinion here....

Been going out with my boyfriend since February (nearly 11 months). My family get on great with him. Im 24 hes 23 and we both live at home. He lives a good hours drive away from me. Anyway we very often stay in each others houses because of distance.

He recently said he'd like to stay in mine on X-mas eve! Am I being a bit of a drama queen bitch in kinda not wanting himm there on X-mas morning? I love him very much and can see being with him forever. Only I think its a lil soon to be spending xmas morning together - he plans on going home after present opening but still!

I slipped into conversation that I was thinking of spending the nightout with the girls (specified that it is girls only) and he sounds bitterly dissapointed! He cold with me now over text messages.......

What to do?? Am I just being a bitch or do you think its too much too soon - X-mas morning???

What can I do?

P xx

mylittlepony

Its your personal choice and whats make you happy.
Also you are quite young and I get the impression that you still cherish family time while Im older and have grow out of it.
I guess im at the stage where I just want to create my own Xmas with boyfriend.
Cook our own xmas dinner, make our own desserts, do what we want, visitng relatives (depending on weather), etc.

Me personally wanna be with my boyf, its suppose to be our 1st Xmas together at his place.
bBut Im snowed in at family home. Dont know if I will ever get out of here.
for me family xmas same old same.
I prefer quality time with lover.
Than same boring stuff with family, just catch up chat, eat, tv. Just like any other day minus the pressies.
With boyfriend, cuddles, romance +..you can fill in the dots lol

Neyite

To be honest, if you live at home, it really should be up to your parents who they have over for Christmas morning. If I were you, I would talk to your parents and see if they would back you up on that. Can you fob him off by saying your mum likes it to be family only on christmas morning or something?

Even if they really like your boyfriend, Christmas morning is a bit more 'family' than an ordinary weekend morning. I find it a bit odd that he just assumes he will be staying with you. Ive been with my fella nearly 7 years and we have our own place, this is the third Christmas I've spent with his family, yet I have always made him check with his family if they are ok with me being there or not, and if not, then I would absolutely respect that.

LegacyUser

Id agree with above post, do your parents mind him staying over? also your family might just want it to be your family at that time regardless of how much they like him.

krudler

Err, yeah its a bit odd to ask to stay over on christmas eve at someone elses house unless you're invited, family day and all that. can you meet him christmas night?

Monkey61

Okay judging by posts so far I guess people are going to be really divided on this one. For me...I think it is really odd that you wouldn't want to wake up with him on Christmas morning. I would absolutely love to be able to spend Christmas with my girlfriend (and would have felt the same way about all previous girlfriends too).

The whole point of Christmas I would have thought would be to spend it with people that you love. Considering he is not even wanting to spend the whole day with you, just a few hours in the morning...and you have been together for 11 months and he knows your family really well..I can see why he would be really offended.

From his perspective I imagine he is wondering why you wouldn't want to share that little bit of festive magic with him.

I'd also think it was a bit strange if your parents didn't want him there for a few hours. It's Christmas! You're meant to be warm and welcoming etc.

Why exactly do you not want him there?

StillWaters

Like that, I think it is very rude of him to invite himself. It is really up to your parents to invite him. However the biggest issue is him being 'cold' with you, ie sulking and showing disrespect for your decision and boundaries.

astra2000

ok firstly please dont go and blame your mum, God only knows what sort of resentment that could cause and if you are with him long term who knows how many problems that may lead too. I think it is a little cheeky wanting to stay in yours seeing as its your parents, but on the other hand if you are so in love with him I dont know why you dont want him to stay over.
Now heres a possibility, maybe he has got you a really special christmas present and wants to be there when you open it.

AnonoBoy

You're not even going out a year?

It's a bit much to invite himself to stay over.

Surely he'd want to be with his family on Christmas morning and maybe drive to yours later on.

fungun

if you often stay over at each others then i can understand why he would 'invite himself' as it does get that way after a while and thats ok...though i suspect he might be wondering why you have not invited him.

If I was going out a year and wanted to spend xmas at my gfs, id prob do much the same as he has tbf. But it is up to you what you want to do....dont blame your family, but if you would prefer it to be just your family on xmas day, then say that to him. But say it in a way like 'but lets meet up stephens day' or sth so he doesnt feel that u dont want to see him at all over xmas.

ztoical

Every family/person is different - I know with my family Xmas morning is our family time, after say 2pm we've no issue with folks dropping in but not in the morning. I've had several of my cousins partners whom they've been dating for awhile told not to call round until after a certain time and there's been no issue. I know several friends who have a different attitude, some are all for people calling around at any time, others don't want to see anyone on Xmas at all and I've several friends dating years who still spend Xmas apart with their respective families....it comes down to each person and their views on the matter.

If the OP wants to spend Xmas morning with her family that's her choice but I don't agree with not telling the BF direct - slipping in comments about girls only night on xmas eve as a way to get out of discussing things with him isn't a good sign for the relationship. Just tell him direct that it's time you want to spend one on one with your family.

Novella

I don't live with my parents, but spend Christmas with them. I would never allow my boyfriend to stay over on Christmas Eve without asking them first, 'cause I mean, it's their home and also, our family traditions. I think I'd wanna be in a really stable relationship, one that was definitely going somewhere before I'd invite a partner into that aspect of my life. 11 months isn't a very long time in my book. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of him staying over, that's okay. Maybe just try compromise, see him for a while on Christmas Day?

tinkerbell

Me and my boyfriend started spending Christmas together (taking it turns at each other's parents house) after we were going out for 5 years. When we talked about spending it together, we discussed it with our families first.

I don't think it is appropriate that your boyfriend is just inviting himself over to your house for Christmas Eve night and is now sulking over that he might not get to come over. It is not up to him. It is you and your family. I think it is quite rude actually that he is expecting to be over - you're only going out 11 months after all.

muinteoir09

Wow, people here seem to put an awful lot of stock in Christmas morning!

OP, I would say if you don't want your boyfriend with you on Christmas morning (which from your post seems to be a time you treasure spending with the ones you love), you mustn't love him as much as you think/claim. Most couples I know are desperate to spend all of Christmas day together but can't for whatever reason.

You should feel lucky that he wants to spend time with you and your family rather than his own. Maybe it is time to think about whether you are as committed to him as he obviously is to you.

That_Guy

muinteoir09 wrote: »

Wow, people here seem to put an awful lot of stock in Christmas morning!

OP, I would say if you don't want your boyfriend with you on Christmas morning (which from your post seems to be a time you treasure spending with the ones you love), you mustn't love him as much as you think/claim. Most couples I know are desperate to spend all of Christmas day together but can't for whatever reason.

You should feel lucky that he wants to spend time with you and your family rather than his own. Maybe it is time to think about whether you are as committed to him as he obviously is to you.

Nonsense tbh. It's not about how committed she is to him. I'd always class Christmas as a family time and personally I wouldn't like my gf (if I had one) to impose herself on my family on Christmas morning, nor would I want to impose on her family.

Saying she doesn't love him because she wants to spend time with her family is a ridiculous thing to say.

Christmas night should be ok but FFS, it's acceptable to cut the chord for the day to spend time with each others respective families.

Walls

Christmas differs for a lot of people, but really and truly it is a family time. It's perfectly okay to say 'Sorry, my Mum really wants to have it just family,' and leave it at that.

whysomoody

Blame your parents!

Sundy

This seems a bit bizzare to me.. Why would you not want your BF there?

The thinking in our family is that if your dating someone there part of the family and rightly so. Id be really insulted if my gf told me not to come at chrismtas time, id also be equally annoyed if a member of my family suggested that my partner could not come for christmas.

OS119

i think some people have grasped the wrong end of the stick.

the BF doesn't want to spend christmas with the OP's family, he wants to spend Christmas with the OP. the OP is going to be with her family, so thats where he's got to be. he would probably far rather they woke up in their own place, shagged all morning and open their presents stark naked. making christmas morning small talk with her parents is probably pretty low on his list of things he'd really like to do before he dies.

the problem is not that the BF has the hump, or that the OP doesn't know what to do, its that the BF is at the stage in the relationship where he wants to spend christmas with his girlfriend and is prepared to cut the apron strings to do it, but that his girlfriend either doesn't want to spend christmas with him or does want to spend christmas with him, but doesn't want it enough to upset her applecart, and he doesn't know it yet.

personally, if i thought that my relationship with my GF was serious enough for us to want to be spending christmas together, and instead of her trying to make that possible in a not ideal situation, all i got was flim-flam about a girls night out, i'd be pretty annoyed as well.

the OP just needs to decide what she actually wants to do for christmas, and whether she and her BF are on the same wavelength about their relationship, and then she needs to communicate that to her BF.

Terri26

They aren't even going out a year! For most people Christmas is a family time. To say she doesn't love him enough is ridculous. She wants to spend Christmas at home. Nothing wrong with that at all. I know I revert back to childish manner when I go home for Christmas.
OP tell your boyfriend that you are spending christmas with your family and will see hom later that day. it does not mean you love him less nor does it mean he loves you more because he wants to stay at your christmas eve

Neyite

OS119 wrote: »

i think some people have grasped the wrong end of the stick.

the BF doesn't want to spend christmas with the OP's family, he wants to spend Christmas with the OP. the OP is going to be with her family, so thats where he's got to be. he would probably far rather they woke up in their own place, shagged all morning and open their presents stark naked. making christmas morning small talk with her parents is probably pretty low on his list of things he'd really like to do before he dies.

Just to clarify - OP said in her first post that they both live at home with the parents, so therefore dont have their own place to have the type of intimate christmas you describe.