How can you tell if you are attractive?

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I am a lady- early 20's.
I just wanted to ask this question..

How can you tell if you are attractive? I have members of my family, relations, friends and guys I meet on a night out telling me that I am gorgues, sexy, hot, pretty, etc.
I am not sure whether to believe them or not. First of all, I think family, relations and friends are going to say that I look gorgeus or pretty because of their relationship to me. They probably say that to everyone. I also think the guys on the night out are just saying that to me because they are drunk and looking to get laid- so any woman with a heart beat will do.

What do you think?

Fluorescence

To be fair, rarely does anyone (close to you or not) call an unattractive person sexy or hot. If they're trying to be nice to you they'll use more generic words like cute or pretty.

Either way, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Everyone has days when they look amazing and others when they look like they just clawed their way out from underneath a massive manure pile after 5 days of no sleep :P

mikemac

My mammy says I'm good looking. However she is the only person in the world who does :eek::D

Don't worry over it

Are these comments from your family and friends unsolicited? So they say them when they see you or are you asking them for reassurance?

LegacyUser

Family would just say it out of the blue! Come to think of it- my family are very blunt.. so if I try on an outfit and they don't like it- they will say it.. to the point it's almost insulting!

With friends and relations- I would just be talking to them for a few mins.. about nothing in particular- and out of the blue they would just say- "your are gorgeus looking girl"/ "you are so pretty", "you look like a million dollars!", "bet you have loads of boyfriends!".. etc

I was just wondering.. do you believe them.. or is it a thing that people do?

LegacyUser

Yeah, I'd say you are attractive if that many people say it that much! I mean, you don't make a habit of telling unattractive people they're gorgeous, unprompted, do you?

Enjoy it while it lasts

Deus Ex Machina

I think people's looks fluctuate, and they are subject to taste anyway, so it is difficult to pin down somebody's level of attractiveness. However I think that deep down everybody has an idea of their level of attractiveness, but not a precise one, as such a thing may not even exist. If you are completely honest with yourself you should be able to determine whether you are attractive or not, but maybe not anything more exact than that.

scarymoon1

I always have people telling me im gorgeous etc too - and men assuming I have a boyf and hence dont talk to me but then there are days when I feel like crap and just want to hide under a hat! I think once you feel yourself that you are good looking then it doesnt matter if other people think it.

OP - do you feel comfortable in your own skin?

Smyth

I wouldn't listen to the immediate family if you wanted a reliable gauge. They can't really tell from their perspective whether you're "attractive" in the opposite sex of the word.

Usually, being approached at clubs on a regular basis. People outside your immediate circle telling you that they find you attractive.

With friends and relations- I would just be talking to them for a few mins.. about nothing in particular- and out of the blue they would just say- "your are gorgeus looking girl"/ "you are so pretty", "you look like a million dollars!", "bet you have loads of boyfriends!".. etc

...would be a giveaway

Kimia

Honestly, this thread makes me slightly uncomfortable. OP are you just looking for an ego boost? I don't really understand why you would ask for confirmation that you are good looking on a forum, when you have so many people telling you in person already.

What do you think about your looks OP?

EricPraline

Kimia wrote: »

Honestly, this thread makes me slightly uncomfortable. OP are you just looking for an ego boost?

Agree with this. It's hard to see the issue here.

Also OP if you did get somehow get a definitive answer, what would you do with that information? If that answer was 'Yes' would it change your life somehow? If the answer was 'No' how would you react?

johnboysligo

http://apps.atamagroup.com/face/

try that

Without seeing if you actually look good or not there is no way to tell if your friends and family are just being nice. I score 7.8 not bad for someone whose been called an urban caveman

hope that helps.

LegacyUser

No it's not an ego boost- I have not described myself or uploaded a picture. It was just something that I wondered. Even in general- do people mean what they say?

As someone said- what would I do with the information. I don't think it would have any affect on me. Whether I would get a definite "yes" or a "no". As I would just think that's just one person's opinion- either way.

OP - this is only a slight idea and you are perfectly welcome to say no but.. if you wanted to .. one possible thing you could do is put a picture of yourself in the Ladies Lounge or Know Your Nerds (in cool vids & pics in After Hours). The number of thanks may be a good way for you to gauge whether you're attractive or not. Unfortunately you'd have to do it as a registered user, but nobody would know if it is you that is doing it as people regularly do it.

However, having said all that - it doesn't matter what other people say. As long as you are comfortable in your own skin and confident in yourself, then that's all that matters.

johnboysligo

unsure123 wrote: »

do people mean what they say?.

I can only speak for myself but here goes.

It depends if I was asked upfront by a woman who i think is unattractive or I never thought of in that way, than I would probably lie a little in order to spare their feelings but I would generally not bring it up in a conversation.
If I had a female friend who was really very attractive than I maybe would say it if their looks just blew me sideways.

So I would say Yes most people mean it but their reasons for saying it might float somewhere between complement to half arsed chat up line.

johnboysligo

johnboysligo wrote: »

http://apps.atamagroup.com/face/

try that

Without seeing if you actually look good or not there is no way to tell if your friends and family are just being nice. I score 7.8 not bad for someone whose been called an urban caveman

hope that helps.

OP, don't take heed of what is on this site. I have tried various different photos of myself and have gotten various different scores. It only uses mathematics of specific photos and does not take into account people's preferences

Zen65

unsure123 wrote: »

How can you tell if you are attractive?

Do you mean physically attractive? Pretty?

Lots of people are good-looking, but they are not necessarily attractive if their personalities are unpleasant.

Lots of people are very plain-looking ("average" looks) but they have personalities which exude confidence and fun, so they are attractive in the proper sense.

If it is your physical appearance you are concerned about, the best judge is somebody independent, unrelated to you, who does not have anything to gain to telling you how attractive you are. Very few people meet these criteria.

In any event, discovering whether you are physically attractive or not is of very limited use to you, if at all.


Be at peace,

Z

Zen65

johnboysligo wrote: »

http://apps.atamagroup.com/face/

try that

I just uploaded Jessica Alba and she scored low.

That's not right!

Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that.

One thing I have noticed is that compliments from other females should be taken with a pinch of salt. I know a lot of girls who will only compliment someone if they think the person still looks worse than them, or someone who is generally plain but has made an effort one night. I see this all the time. I have a friend who is indisputably stunning and she says she rarely gets told she's pretty or looks good. I suspect it's a jealousy issue, or perhaps people assume she already knows she looks gorgeous so there's no need to tell her. I constantly see completely plain (in my opinion) girls being told 'you're gorgeous' by their better looking friends, because, I assume, the friends aren't threatened.

PeeWe

Kimia wrote: »

Honestly, this thread makes me slightly uncomfortable. OP are you just looking for an ego boost? I don't really understand why you would ask for confirmation that you are good looking on a forum, when you have so many people telling you in person already.

What do you think about your looks OP?

I agree . Like several of the posters on here I don't really understand the point of this thread - no one can see you nor could they possibly be able to validly comment on whether or not you are attractive.

Posting on here that people regularly tell you mid conversation that you are gorgeous looking holds little value; other than suggesting that you want everyone here to tell you that you must be stunning looking.

You shouldn't worry too much as to whether people think you are nice looking/ or mean what they say in relation to your looks as long as you are happy with yourself that's all that matters.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone's opinion is different.

MiniSquish

Your family have to tell you you are pretty, but if other people especially members of the opposite sex are telling you are then I would say its a safe bet to assume so. I dont really get why you are asking people this though, it's hard for people to say having not seen you. I think its a bit worrying though to be spending too much of your time thinking about this, everyone has confidence issues but while you might not be "perfect" I think everybody has some attractive qualities about them. Focus on what you do like about yourself.

Overheal

Attraction is more than about physical appearance. How do you carry yourself? Not many people will be attracted to someone who is fit but has a ****ty attitude and outlook.

I have members of my family, relations, friends and guys I meet on a night out telling me that I am gorgues, sexy, hot, pretty, etc.

Then you might lack confidence, or at least trust in these people.

Swampy

Put a photo up on the hot or not website.

killerking

unsure123 wrote: »

Hi there,

I am a lady- early 20's.
I just wanted to ask this question..

How can you tell if you are attractive? I have members of my family, relations, friends and guys I meet on a night out telling me that I am gorgues, sexy, hot, pretty, etc.
I am not sure whether to believe them or not. First of all, I think family, relations and friends are going to say that I look gorgeus or pretty because of their relationship to me. They probably say that to everyone. I also think the guys on the night out are just saying that to me because they are drunk and looking to get laid- so any woman with a heart beat will do.

What do you think?

When you stop getting complimented on your looks and when men stop trying to talk you into sex then you will know if you were attractive when you were a young woman.

Distorted

OK, well if looking in a mirror is too subjective for you to be able to tell for sure, the reactions from strangers will tell you more. If you are attractive, you will have slightly too much male attention, and not of the sleazy kind. You will frequently be in the situation of meeting a guy briefly through friends who will thereafter make sure he somehow meets you again, often not through a date, but just turning up somewhere you are likely to be or with friends you are likely to meet. If you give him your phone numbrer, he will contact you. Or they will develop an interest in your hobbies. This will happen on a regular basis. You will also get random, often unwanted, comments in the street and guys trying to engage you in conversation. You will occasionally get massive compliments from strangers, who have nothing to gain from complimenting you, such as conductors on trains and women in pubs you don't know in the slightest. You won't generally get a lot of attention from sleazeballs because they will think they have no chance with you.

LegacyUser

I used to be very happy with myself. However, due to recent events in my life I have lost trust in people. Which is disappointing to say really. I guess it can only make me a better person! It has made me re-think alot of things. Particularly, if people really mean what they say.

I am not asking people to tell me whether I am attractive or not, because without a picture that would be impossible. However, what I am asking is- if you get compliments based on your looks (or even on anything)- do you believe it? Do they really mean it?

Distorted-
I get lots of sleazy attention and attention from guys that I believe to be good-looking. It's a mixed bag, like everyone else. Sleazy guys have no problem chatting me up in a pub, smacking my behind, staring at me, whispering crap into my ear, sometimes they shout something out loud to me usually "se..xxyy", taking my arm.. etc..
Whearas, the good looking guys just turn their head to look at me, other times they smile at me with glazed over eyes for a while, sometimes they make a move, sometimes they don't. Which is fine.

I very rarely make a move. Purely, because I am too much of a chicken. I worry about the "what ifs". I have been told that I am very easy to talk to- now I would believe this. I find it easy to hold a conversation.

killerking

unsure123 wrote: »

I used to be very happy with myself. However, due to recent events in my life I have lost trust in people. Which is disappointing to say really. I guess it can only make me a better person! It has made me re-think alot of things. Particularly, if people really mean what they say.

I am not asking people to tell me whether I am attractive or not, because without a picture that would be impossible. However, what I am asking is- if you get compliments based on your looks (or even on anything)- do you believe it? Do they really mean it?

Distorted-
I get lots of sleazy attention and attention from guys that I believe to be good-looking. It's a mixed bag, like everyone else. Sleazy guys have no problem chatting me up in a pub, smacking my behind, staring at me, whispering crap into my ear, sometimes they shout something out loud to me usually "se..xxyy", taking my arm.. etc..
Whearas, the good looking guys just turn their head to look at me, other times they smile at me with glazed over eyes for a while, sometimes they make a move, sometimes they don't. Which is fine.

I very rarely make a move. Purely, because I am too much of a chicken. I worry about the "what ifs". I have been told that I am very easy to talk to- now I would believe this. I find it easy to hold a conversation.

Maybe you should just tell the sleazy guys to get stuffed.
You shouldn't have to tolerate guys slapping you on the bum or making crude remarks.
You need to improve your self esteem and confidence and if you see a guy like just go up and talk to him. If he likes you he should be able to do the rest.

dellas1979

It doesnt matter how good looking you are, its your confidence that matters, of which you seem to have been knocked in.

You initial questions was "how do I know if Im attractive"? then it evolved into something else. Well the first question you asked only really bares truth on yourself - because its only your opinion that matters really, isnt it?

johnboysligo

unsure123 wrote: »

Sleazy guys have no problem chatting me up in a pub, smacking my behind, staring at me, whispering crap into my ear, sometimes they shout something out loud to me usually "se..xxyy", taking my arm.. etc..

Sounds to me like you need to avoid those places you are meeting these sleazy guys. Try going out to social gatherings where drink ( aka sleazy juice ) is rare or not served its not always an option but look into it if you can.

PeeWe

unsure123 wrote: »

I used to be very happy with myself. However, due to recent events in my life I have lost trust in people. Which is disappointing to say really. I guess it can only make me a better person! It has made me re-think alot of things. Particularly, if people really mean what they say.

I am not asking people to tell me whether I am attractive or not, because without a picture that would be impossible. However, what I am asking is- if you get compliments based on your looks (or even on anything)- do you believe it? Do they really mean it?

Distorted-
I get lots of sleazy attention and attention from guys that I believe to be good-looking. It's a mixed bag, like everyone else. Sleazy guys have no problem chatting me up in a pub, smacking my behind, staring at me, whispering crap into my ear, sometimes they shout something out loud to me usually "se..xxyy", taking my arm.. etc..
Whearas, the good looking guys just turn their head to look at me, other times they smile at me with glazed over eyes for a while, sometimes they make a move, sometimes they don't. Which is fine.

I very rarely make a move. Purely, because I am too much of a chicken. I worry about the "what ifs". I have been told that I am very easy to talk to- now I would believe this. I find it easy to hold a conversation.

No one here on boards can ever really answer the question as to whether or not people mean it when they compliment you - sure how could we! It's your own business as to whether or not you choose to take what they are saying as the truth.


I really can't understand how this could be anything other than an ego boost for you!