Did you ever fancy your flatmate/ landlord?

LegacyUser

I know this guy since we were in college together (have only met sporadically since but have mutual friends etc) and we are both mid 30's and single. I recently (4 weeks ago) had to move town with my studies and moved in with him temporarily and the plan was until i found a place of my own. Its going good as the house is lovely and I feel really at home here. I asked him if I could stay on and he is happy with that. We are both out and about a lot so would not see an awful lot of each other but always end up having a few drinks in the house when we are both there.

I have seen a side to him which I like a lot since I moved in. I had thought he was a bit of a player and not for me but I really like his manners and he is also thoughtful and generous. Bottom line, I am developing quite a crush on him. I dont know what to do... Do I try to woo him and if so, how? I have no idea how to try to get him interested while not looking like a looney. Obviously I wont be hanging my grey knickers up on the radiator but I dont want to be prancing round the house in full make up all the time either....

I do think I am his 'type' and while I am not great at reading signs, I do think he fancies me but I dont know if he would make a move on me due to the circumstances and to be honest he is not giving me any solid indications that he is interested...

So the bottom line is I like him and fancy him but dont know if its just a bad idea... Any advice / experience for me?

WhodahWoodah

My big brother got together with a girl after living with her for about a year in a houseshare. That was about 5 years ago and they're now engaged to be married! But they could have just as easily broken up after a while, become mortal enemies and had to stop living together! Or he could have put the moves on her, been rejected and ended up with total egg on his face. Could go one way or the other.

I say if you like him and you think he likes you then go for it but if ye do get together make sure ye draw up some ground-rules from the start as getting together while living together has the potential to spiral quickly into something very intense and claustrophobic that could possibly spontaneously combust!!

Good luck!!

LegacyUser

I guess I know how it could turn out but I suppose my query is how do I, on a day to day basis, subtly make myself more appealing without looking like a looney and or making it too obvious... I am a year out of a 6 year relaitonship so am not sure how to proceed. I guess I cant wait round for him as it may never happen but then do I hide it if I am going out on a date with someone? What signs should I look for to know if he is interested or not... Its all bizarre when you see someone in their home environment day to day.

Me making a move on him is not an option.

ziedth

The Classic line of "Hey fancy going out for sonething to eat/drink on Friday" Is simple and effective.

In any event go for it, it's not as if you bought this house together. If it all goes tits up nothing to stop you leaving in the morning.

LegacyUser

Ok well, i was back home for a few weeks there and only came back this weekend. I was actually excited about coming back to here so I get to see him.

He did some really nice, out of the way stuff to make my return so much easier (cant explain as detail would give the game away) and then we were having a few drinks on sat night in the house and I suggested we head to the pub which we did. We get on well, I definitely fancy him and like him so much. We had plenty to talk about including somewhat personal family stuff on both parts, but I dont know how to read the signs as to whether or not he is interested in me as more than a friend.

He does remember stuff he told me, even conversations we had years ago and is v kind but would think he is like that for people in general too...

I get the impression that he does fancy me even somewhat (am doing my best not to be caught with the spot cream on ) and I am wondering what signs I should look out for eg body language etc etc.

Peanut2011

From a man's point, I would say the fact that he went out of his way to make your return special and that he seems to make time to talk to you and so on, I would say he is interested.

However I would also say that the fact he took you in as a friend he does not want to make a move in case you were just friendly with him cos he helped you out.

It's catch 22 but I would say it will be a lot harder while you are there. Neither one of you two is willing to make a move cos you both are afraid of the same thing.

I guess there is no reason if you know he will be home one evening for sure to cook a nice dinner together. Try to involve him more in your life outside the house.

Maybe start inviting him to the cinema, theatre, comedy gigs.... (depending on your taste)

Also no harm if you see him (depending what he does) in a nice suit and new shirt that you like or what ever paying him a nice subtle compliment. Just the general kind a thing where you show him you notice him apart from just sitting at home.

This might give him some courage to make the next step.

Jeeze Lass ,get a move on for fceks sake
Flirtatiously ask him out suggesting you'd like to go on a date with him and that you like him.
Whats the worst that can happen?
If you stand still doing nothing,he'll get a girl friend thats not you and surely that will be worse for you than him telling you now he's not interested [though he sounds like he is].

LegacyUser

I know fortune favours the brave and that he may be snapped up but making a brave move is not going to happen until I am more sure.

It's a good idea to compliment him and he is trying to get me back into a sport I played and is offering to help me / coach me a bit.

I'll try to grow a pair and be a bit more flirty etc so fingers crossed.

Sanjuro

Look, you could wait for the rest of your life for 'the right moment.' And since you keep building this moment up, it may never come. It's like the Nike ad says- Just Do It. Next time, doesn't matter where it is, but next time there's an opportunity, ask him out proper. From what you've described, it'll go one of two ways- 1. He'll say yes. 2. He'll say no, but be really cool about it. I asked a friend out once. She said no, but after a little embarrassment on my part, we got past it and are still friends.

'Making a move on him is not an option.' Can you explain why? And I swear, if you say 'because the man should make the move,' I'll bloody punch the internet!

fasty

It's pretty common, just like meeting people in the workplace.

I'm with a girl I originally shared a house with. She ended up moving out so we could persue a relationship. We now live together again a year later.

Fittle

Op, life is short.

You are both mid 30s and single. Ask him if he fancies going out again this weekend and when you're out, make a move on him. Seriously, if he rejects your advances, you'll know the score. And if he doesn't, well hey presto;)

Best of luck OP - really though, life IS short - awful tragedy in today's news - grab this opportunity with both hands I say. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Guys,

I truly appreciate all your responses but to those advising that I 'ask him out', I have been clear from the start that i wont be doing that. I know it makes sense but I also know I dont have the nerve and would die if he turned me down and I had to live there. Dont try to make sense of it but I know that I know my own boundaries.

I am very shy and normally clam up when I meet someone I fancy. The shyness is beginning to come out now the more I like him and I am asking how I can show my interest on a day to day basis. Complimenting him, doing things with him etc are good ideas. We already eat together so that would not be a big deal but I want to take things (relatively) slowly while not letting him think I am not pushed due to my shyness.

TheNewMee

Men are dense when it comes to picking up those signals, honestly. If you don't want to full-on ask him out I suggest that you invite him to some activity or other now and then - and if that's just something along the lines of "want to go for a walk?" then that's fine too.

Men aren't dense.
In a case like this,they're either not interested in that or surprise surprise just as cautious as the op.

For heavens sake op,what you're planning won't work and in the long run by the sounds of you,is only going to diment you further.
Lance the boil and say I hope this isn't going to be awkward but I like you..
stiff upper lip and LEARN YOURSELF how to laugh and joke your way out of these situations,it shouldn't be a big deal,lifes too short.

Ya never know,he might jump ya when you tell him anyway