would a man let this get in the way...?

LegacyUser

Met a guy a while back and felt a mutual attraction there, took a while to get it with him. finally did. All good except we are both a bit shy with the opposite sex. Neither of us are shy usually, but we do get a bit quiet when it's just the two of us... Not to exaggerate, we never sat in silence, just at times the conversation didn't flow and we were both a bit uncomfortable. I am a very perceptive person, and I was 100% sure there was potential here if only we could break the ice properly and both relax a bit more. Lots of pontential.
So, anyway, we went out about 4 times in total. then all of a sudden, nothing. I bumped into him out last weekend, and I checked it out as I was left hanging a bit. We had a long chat (both had been drinking) and he said he felt unhappy/uncomfortable that it was so awkward with us and it wasn't good. I agreed but told him that it would only be a temporary thing and we could get over it. He also said that he's planning on going travelling next June... In order words no time for girlfriend now. he did agree with me when I said I thought there was a lot of potential for us.

I also sensed that we had a serious amount in common, even scarily similar in ways. I don't think shyness is the problem with us, it's more of a confidence thing. I am well on the way to curing my confidence and am more than willing to take new risks. Although I acknowledge that with him I was a bit on the shy side of things, nothing bad though!!. Also, I sensed that he's never been a risk taker when it comes to ladies, never been in a long termer (neither have I, and he knew that). (he's 29).

Sorry, my problem isn't that great. I guess it's hard to take that's all cos I believe it had massive massive potential.

I now know he doesn't want to see me again. But it has left me wondering a few things...
if a guy liked a girl enough, would he not throw caution to the wind, shed his shyness and give it a go anyway???
Is a girl being a bit inexperienced a big turn off??
Do I need to drastically turn on some confidence in future??
guys: if you had a decision to make in about 6 months, job-wise, or travelling-wise, would it stop you from living until then??

thank you for reading!

John400

I'm trying to grasp what you're actually asking? Are you saying that your ego as such has taken a bit of a battering because he's likely to be going away?

Why would he give it a go with you if he's leaving in 6 months time? It would be unfair on the two of you.

S23

I don't want to go through your entire post because it would probably sound nasty and some attempt of a deconstruction of you on a personal level

But to answer this

whatyou think wrote: »

I now know he doesn't want to see me again. But it has left me wondering a few things...
if a guy liked a girl enough, would he not throw caution to the wind, shed his shyness and give it a go anyway???

Yes vast majority of the time the guy would give it a go. However, you describe 4 very awkward dates them him not contacting you. You ran into him when he was drunk and you had a long chat and he fobbed you off with a few excuses as to why he didn't want persue the relationship any further. It sounds like he just doesn't like you enough to want to make that extra effort.

It seems you've bitten very hard on what he sold you and are hung up on the details and the why, oh why? part of it when there isn't that much to read into.

Honestly it just sounds like he wasn't feeling it anywhere near as much as you were. You tried for a few dates and it went nowhere. While you were being perceptive and spotting this great potential. At the same time he was just feeling the awkwardness and saying to himself '4 tries is enough time to pack it in'.

I'm sure he'd have been open to being with someone in the interim before going away but I'd guess he'd want it to be natural and easy. He's going away. He's not going to put that on hold for someone he's been on 4 very awkward dates with. He's not going to spend months working on eliminating the awkwardness because whats the point? Is he supposed to commit to a short term/budding relationship that isn't working just so in a few months it might click right before he's supposed to go away?

Let it go OP. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. Forget about it and move on

LegacyUser

Some shy guys get strange notions. I don't know whether it's the lack of interaction with others to get some perspective on dilemmas like this, or what.
There's no reason why ye shouldn't have been able to see each other& give the relationship a go (how long is he travelling for in June?- a year? indefinately?)
But- and here's the big but- if he felt that this awkwardness between you both was insurmountable, from his angle or yours or both, maybe that's why he's not prepared to go any further. He was either unwilling or unable to make the required effort.
Key thing is, you can't change him. You can only change your response to him, & people like him. Take lessons from this, you've only one life& live it when you see potential in the next guy ('cos there's more than one out there!)

cafecolour

I wouldn't go past 1 date of awkward conversation, never mind 4. I'd say he did give it ago, and decided it wasn't going to get any better, conversation-wise, and you had no chemistry.

People often say opposites attract for this sort of reasons - both of you were very similar on the conversation front, and perhaps you're both better off paired with someone who can lead a conversation more.