Should I say anything

LegacyUser

I'be been seeing a girl for about 6 weeks now, she is just over here on erasmus and is heading home tomorrow.

The problem is kinda twofold, over the past few days I've barley seen her at all, when i really expected to be spending the last few days together. The second issue is the lack of intimacy. We havn't had sex, which is something I really would have expected to have over the course of the realationship.
And I definitly thought, after she finishes her exams she won't have any stress and we'll have half a week together, something will happen then.
And its not even so much the quatifyable thing of having sex, just more the lack of intimacy.

Pat of me wants to bring this up, in fact there is a lot of me wants to just tell her to make her own way to the airport tomorrow, rather than me giving a lift.
But at the same time its nearly easier just to go thorugh the remaining motions and drop her off tomorrow and forget about it.
I'd like to know why nothing happend, did I do something wrong, part of me has the feeling that I'm nearly being used just to give her the lift to the airport, and in fact she has no interest or intention of any intimacy.

Anyway just like to hear some peoples thoughts on the matter.

Just to give example I sent her text this morning about how I'd love to be cuddled up to her, reply was along the lines of, her plans for the day were to pack and do some stuff around house.

teacherspet

I very doubt she went out with you for 6 weeks just to get a lift to the airport. Less time consuming to get a taxi (LOL). Maybe she is a virtuous girl and does not believe in sleeping around, or maybe she was just not interested in you that way.

Zen65

jimmy74749 wrote: »

.... in fact there is a lot of me wants to just tell her to make her own way to the airport tomorrow, rather than me giving a lift.
But at the same time its nearly easier just to go thorugh the remaining motions and drop her off tomorrow and forget about it.
I'd like to know why nothing happend, did I do something wrong, part of me has the feeling that I'm nearly being used just to give her the lift to the airport, and in fact she has no interest or intention of any intimacy.

Anyway just like to hear some peoples thoughts on the matter.

Op, not every young girl wants to hop into bed with somebody they've been seeing for just 6 weeks, especially when they will (probably) never see you again after Christmas. You must have known that when you got into this relationship?

You may like choosing the easy option, but it appears this girl has the wherewithal not to be easy or casual about herself. I like her already!

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

op here. Ok obviously i didn't get it across in my original post, its not about the lack of sex. I would have liked it to happen but not the end of world it didn't. But there was a lack of intimacy, and even in a 6 week relationship i think its unusual and unexpected to not have much intimacy.
It more just that it feels like the relationship has ended and were it not for the fact that it was due to end because of her going home, i would have ended it.
But i thought, maybe wrongly, its easier just to let it end on a kinda happy note, without the stress me breaking up.
In terms of her doing it just for a lift, no i don't think she did the whole thing for a lift. But i do kinda think she may have kept it going at the end, even though it should have ended, both for a lift and also maybe to not have to break up but just let it end the way it has to.

Esoteric_

I don't think the OP was all about sex. HE clearly said he texted her saying he'd love to cuddle her and she ignored it and talked about something completely different. I'd be a bit miffed at that, too.

OP, maybe she's just not a very touchy feely person and didn't want to develop a very intimate relationship with somebody who she probably won't see again?

Katgurl

i wouldn't bother saying anything OP, just drop her to airport if it was already arranged & wish her well. then at least you have nothing to feel bad about.

LegacyUser

Op here. Just in case anyone curious i didn't bring anything up about the lack of intimacy or other issues.

I decide it hard and stressful enough thing for her leaving the country, and she doesn't need any more stress added on to that.

There are some questions i wish i could have asked, but not much i can do now.
So i dropped her to airport and it was quite sad really, and little emotional. I do wish i had answers to some of my questions, but in end wouldn't have been worth it. In fact despite the fact i kinda wanted to break up with her for various reasons, i'm actually quite missing her.

Zen65

jimmy9474 wrote: »

Op here. Just in case anyone curious i didn't bring anything up about the lack of intimacy or other issues.

Op,

Can you clarify what you mean when you say "intimacy"?


Cheers,

Z

LegacyUser

Doesn't really matter anymore as it is all over, but I kinda meant even as simple as cuddling up and some passionate kissing.
Like I know a intimate moment could be as simple as walking down the street holding hands, but I suppose I meant at the level of what would be considered a bit much in public, but not necessarily too heavy, if you know what I mean.

LegacyUser

Also forgot to say in last post the amount of intimacy I'm talking about was there at the beginning and for first few weeks. So I don't think it was an issue of her not being comfortable with that level of intimacy.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I have been in the exact same position as you. Almost word-for-word. She was over here on Erasmus studying English.

I still don't know why the intimacy stopped with us. It was there big time at the start and then almost overnight it was gone. It was as if a switch had been flipped in her head. I never did ask her why and I regret it a lot. I hate not having the answers I want.

I knew the relationship was going nowhere and at times, it felt like you said - we were going through the motions. We were both trying not to get too attached to each other before she went home and I feel that we tried too hard not to get too emotionally close that we ended up doing very little together and still felt as bad when it was ending as we would have if we did be more intimate if you get me?

Like you, we never had sex and I was disappointed at that. Not that I was desperate to sleep with her and it was a "be all and end all" but rather that I would have thought, given the amount of time together we would have. Instead, sometimes we went 2 weeks without as much as kissing each other. When we both got drunk though we were a lot more cuddly/etc.. So I think that she was actively distancing herself so she wouldn't fall for me before she left. Not that I blame her in the slightest. Me being passive and "easy going" about the whole thing probably only made it easier for her to put a wall between us and keep it there.

Thing is though, it was only when she was gone that I realised how much she meant to me, and I think she realised that about me too. We still keep in touch occasionally and I always want to ask her why things were so "mechanical" at the end but I can never bring myself to. It's too painful going back there for both of us I feel.

The last time we would have seen each other is May/June and all I can offer is that while it's terrible now, you will feel a lot better in no time. I still miss my girl but not in the same way I did immediately after she left.

curlzy

HEy OP,

I think I know what happened. I'm female btw. The intimacy dropped off the sooner to going home time it got??? She was distancing herself from you, so when she left it wouldn't be too hard. I know back in the day if I was with someone and knew it would end shortly I pulled away, if wasn't on purpose, more of a self protective thing, looking after my heart if you get me. So take it as a compliment, she didn't want her feelings for you get stronger so her heart wouldn't take a battering when she left.

Best of luck.