Christmas hurt

LegacyUser

Hi guys bit lost here so bare with me.
situation is been sharing with a girl in a house for just over two years renting four of us live together.
Im just past 30 shes late 20s and from Eastern europe dunno if thats relevant.

I had a really bad accident at the start of the year was in hospital for 10days and was on crutches for 5 months in that time my friend was very helpful to me she done loads for me in the house and the day i came out of hospital we had sex for the first time.
It was great it really cheered me up as i was in severe pain and we had mesed about before snogging always with drink involved never sober.

Fast forward 9 months and im in limbo all my friends and even my other two house mates think were a couple as we are very friendly flirty and do loads of things together to be honest act like acouple even though we are not
i work from home she works nights so in the house a lot together.

I always thought we were just friends but i have developed strong feelings for her
now the question is what the hell do i do about it?

Last week we were supposed to meet up in town i came home early she stayed out and i was awoken to the sound of her bed noisly banging she was having sex obviously.
I must admit my heart sank with hurt and jealousy.

I was away the next morning and the guy she was with was in the kitchen when my friends came down they all thought she had cheated on me but as we were not in a relationship she didnt right?

I came back and as she said she never brings guys home and hes a good friend so why not.

We were out in town weds night and same thing flirting dancing having fun both drunk and arrived home and i tried to talk to her silly thing when drunk but had to say something.

I asked what she thinks of us and she said were friends and thats it she does not want any relations
i asked about guy she said hes good friends and shes meeting him tommorow .
I asked would she be pissed off if i brought some girl home for one night she said yes,
and apologised for bringing guy home as she was suppsoed to meet me

Now i want to talk to her again sober but living with someone you fancy is very tough

my mate said if she does not want a relationship i must cut out all the flirting drunk snogging, sitting on knees watching tv coming and going into eachothers rooms sharing breakfast dinners etc.

I dont know if shes using me sometimes think id be the perfect friend if i was gay.
at ths stage i think she sees me as a friend and nothing more
while unfortunately for me i want more.

Do i move on and try to more cold ie less friendly
or it annoys me so much she has a fcuk buddy lover whatever should i move out for my own sanity?
what the hell to do.
Very long post one i thought id never make any replies graciously welcome thanks

star-pants

You guys never set any rules/boundaries when ye started sleeping together etc. It was familiar and comfortable and convenient for both of you. As you said it always happened when drink was involved, you don't mention any sort of official dates or anything.
You were saying to others that ye weren't a couple, so from her perspective ye weren't a couple perhaps. So you both saw the other as a 'friend with benefits', and then she was out, met up with a guy friend & took him home. Nothing wrong because she wasn't in an established relationship, even if it was a bit harsh given ye had 'something' going on.

But you sat down with her and asked, and she's expressed she's not interested in a relationship, whilst she is sorry that you were hurt by her bringing a guy home. Of course she'd be jealous if you brought home a girl, most people would be.
If you want to ask her soberly again then do so, just to be sure if you want.

Otherwise tbh I'd move out if at all possible, because you clearly have feelings for this girl and it's going to be horrible to hear her at it with another guy or see her bringing home guys/or even a boyfriend. You don't want to be mean or cold to her but I don't think you'd be able to cope easily living in such close quarters with her feeling as you do.

LegacyUser

Thanks star-pants for reply good to get a neutral opinion shes away for 5 days so will have a sober chat when she comes back not looking forward to it but must be done.

Could possibly ruin a good friendship but cant just stay silent on it
my mate said if she dosent want a relationship just stop been so friendly be cold as you said

but i dont want to turn into some vindictive bollix either enraged by jealousy
i love the house im in and location etc
hopefully ill get more opinions and make the correct decision.