Is it over & did I do the right thing?

LegacyUser

I would appreciate some opinions on what I've been doing with a girl recently. I'll try to keep it as short as I can.

I met her through some work that I was doing. It started off slow, texting and emailing. We were flirting quite a lot and so I asked her if she had a bf. She said she did, so I said I wanted to stop flirting with her and just leave it at that. She wrote back and said that she really liked me and just wanted to keep getting to know me as a friend. I said that would be ok, so we kept talking.

Naturally, it wasn't long before we were flirting again. We met up and had our first kiss. She then visited my apartment. She 100% cheated on her bf (who she'd been with for 3 months). She said she felt guilty about this but didn't want to tell him, because it would break his heart. I told her that she should definitely tell him, because it would eat away at her, and telling him later would only be worse. But she said she wasn't strong enough to do this.

Fast forward to last week. I decided to invite her around to my place again. She told me that it didn't feel right to do that, because she wanted to try to make things right with her bf. She said that even though he wasn't able to make her feel the way I made feel, the truth was that he hadn't done anything wrong and didn't deserve to be broken up with.

Over the next couple of days she was still texting and emailing me, but I stopped replying. Instead I went back onto a dating website and started to collect phone numbers of other girls, even arranging a date for the day that I had originally invited this girl over to my place.

Eventually she rang me and asked what was wrong. I told her that I couldn't keep talking to her. She said she wanted to be friends with me but I said it wasn't appropriate, that she should be texting and emailing her bf during the day, not me. I said that I had to move on, that I had started to communicate with other girls, that I had a new date set up with another girl, and that she couldn't expect anything from me in the future. It crushed my heart to say this to her since I love talking with her, she is beautiful and perfect for me in many ways. But I said what I needed to say and left it at that. She sounded extremely upset and said she was surprised that I had moved on so quickly.

Now it's been a couple of days and no communication between us for the first time in weeks.

I would love to know what anybody thinks about this. I accept that cheating is completely unacceptable. My major questions would be (1) Did I do the right thing by calling things off with her? (2) Is it definitely over now?

I'm not very proud of allowing somebody to cheat but I didn't force her into anything, gave her plenty of opportunity not to do anything with me at all, and tried my best to convince her to tell him what she did.

Thanks.

LegacyUser

Hey OP

1) Yes
and 2) yes

you told her you were done with being the bit on the side, she was shocked and hurt because she probably expected to keep things going with you, even if her words said otherwise. So....do u want to be in a drama? because from the sounds of it, she's looking for drama by playing with you, stringing u along then telling u how much she doesn't want to do this. U did the right thing by walking away, if she really feels something for ya, she'll break up wiht her boyfriend and then you can see if you really want to date someone who will cheat

tommyhaas

I dont see how you'v done anything wrong, unless you're a friend of her fella.
No harm in keeping in contact with her, without meeting up with her. If she's already cheated on her fella with you odds are things arnt going to work out between them. I'm not saying you should wait for her, keep seeing other women, but do keep contact with her. If your still single when they break up, then give it a go

LegacyUser

OP here

@guest252: thank you. I do think it is possible that she will break up with her bf. As for whether I would date someone who would cheat, I generally wouldn't. However, the magnetism between myself and this girl is powerful. I can't remember experiencing such a high level of mutual attraction before.

@tommyhaas: thank you for the advice. I think you are right that I need to go out there and meet other women (which I am doing). As you say, this girl will probably break up with her bf eventually, and maybe we can have another go at it then.

@sunflower27: thank you. To be fair to her, I think she is simply confused about what to do. There is another big complication I haven't mentioned: her bf is of the same religion as her family (who she lives with), and I am not. She thinks her family might approve of him, but would have a problem with me. She's in a difficult situation. But I guess the most important thing for me to do is not to wait around. Thanks for the input!

Zen65

opinions please wrote: »

(1) Did I do the right thing by calling things off with her? (2) Is it definitely over now?

(1) Yes
(2) Yes. She may come back and tell you she has ended it with her bf, but will you ever trust her when you know she is the kind of person who cheats?


Be at peace,

Z