WE WERE ON A BREAAAAAAK!

pastry2010

My Boyfriend and I are on a ''break'' since Sunday, I have not told family or friends, he has been in touch twice to say he misses me and still considers me his girlfriend, so I was ok I knew we needed time apart and it was the more mature thing to do as we have been under alot of pressure lately, the trouble is we live together and it's diificult being in thee house by myself, we haven't really put a date on when to ''get back together'' but I think it will be after Christmas which is heartbreaking but I have come to terms with this........until he deleted me on facebook today....shock isn't even the word...I rang him straight away because I needed to know what he was playing at, the answer I got was that he found that it was too hard to see me my picture on facebook and deleted me..and now it says ( single on his profile):( yet he said it doesn't matter what facebook says you are still my girlfriend....yet he's basically announced to everyone we have broken up, he text me to say he did not do it on purpose and when he deleted me it automatically changed him to single and he said he will fix it when he is finished his shift work on Sunday!!!!My head is so messed up, I love my boyfriend to bits and we both didn't want to break up - This was only a temporary arrangement so we could have a bit of breathing space....

I really need advice on people that have been in this situation of a ''break'' before because I have never done it and I'm crawling the walls thinking if this is just a long goodbye or letting me down easy....

rainbow kirby

Moved from tLL to RI.

OhMeOhMy

Aw sorry to hear it has come to break stage OP. I do know myself that it can take a while when living with someone to adjust to each other full time and to negotiating different roles and expectations both people can have

I wouldn't worry too much about the facebook. I'm sure your boyfriend is upset and confused right now and maybe he was just deleting you to see how you would react and to suss out your feelings for him based on this reaction

I do think it would be a good idea to set a time for how long this break will continue for. Dont say too long...maybe two weeks and then you will meet to reevaluate both of your feelings and ideas on the relationship

I'm not sure whether this is the beginning of the end. I know that any time I have had to take a break from somebody....it has never worked out....but everyone is different

pastry2010

Thanks Kate - I do sometimes get wrapped up in the whole ''facebook'' thing when I should delete it!!!I am going to hang in there because I think he's worth it, he has been through an awful lot and Christmas is particularily difficult time for him, and I just hope we both comeout of this stronger and closer but I guess only time will tell! I was thinking of asing him to meet me for a christmas drink before christmas because I would miss him terrible if I didn't see him!

whatsamsn

Careful op.
Your listening to the talk from a man whos words dont match up to his actions.

Accordingly you are still "his girlfriend" but deleted you and now has single on his profile. He wants those who he knows him to perceive him being single. I would be very careful.

Actions are everything.

OhMeOhMy

That's a nice idea. The rules of the break are whatever the two of you agree to and whatever feels right. The ideal outcome of it is ultimately that ye rekindle your feelings for each other and start to appreciate each other more.

I'm not sure of what your particualr situation is but I know myself, from experience, that when living with someone, it is so easy to slip into the comfort zone, and while this is nice to do with someone, a lot can be said for making that extra special effort for each other. Simple things like cooking a nice dinner or leaving a little note for him to find, telling him how much you love him. These things can ease the pressures associated with the conflict of trying to relax in your own personal space, while at the same time, thinking that we need to be the person we were at the start of the relationship and about pleasing the other person. Many demands! :eek:

Anyway, hope it works out for ye.
Merry Christmas x

OhMeOhMy

whatsamsn wrote: »

Careful op.
Your listening to the talk from a man whos words dont match up to his actions.

Accordingly you are still "his girlfriend" but deleted you and now has single on his profile. He wants those who he knows him to perceive him being single. I would be very careful.

Actions are everything.

I think the whole realm of cyberspace and everyday life are two different entities and I would see this as your boyfriend 'acting out', much the same as a child would do when reprimanded by a parent. Almost like a sulk or an outburst to get a reaction

pastry2010

I know.....I am so torn....If this status is not fixed on Sunday as he has said, I think I might have to walk away because it puts too much doubt in my head that he is telling me one thing and doing another..

OhMeOhMy

Hi Op

Sorry, just wanted to clarify - I would not worry about the facebook. Just as you reacted to your dissatisfaction with the relationship by taking a break, he is reacting to the break by changing a status on facebook - something which he may feel is in his control and power at a time when the future of your relationship is not

I really would not use that as a factor in deciding the future.

That's just me though and again, I don't know the ins and outs of your situation

LegacyUser

you are probably right...I think Facebook is not helping matters!He has been in touch tonight and I am feeling a little better about it. but it's good to get some sensible feedback sometimes when your by yourself...your mind runs away with things....

darsar

Breaks are a load of crap to be honest IMO. It's either clean break for good and maybe down the line what will be will be and you'll get back together or try work through difficulties.

This whole on a break but your still my girlfriend/boyfriend?? Only kidding yourselves. These breaks come because one or other is not happy. You can't break and still text and ring etc..

That's just my view OP.

Novella

In my honest opinion, breaks are complete and utter BS. You either want to be with someone or you don't. Sure, relationships can have problems but that's when you are meant to work together to try and fix them. Breaks tend to mean, "I'm not brave enough to break up with you. I'll tell you we're taking a break so that I can ease myself into being single, see if I like it. Oh, and if I don't, yeah, I'll have you back.". Personally, I would never 'go on a break', and if my boyfriend wanted to, I'd consider the relationship over.

I know how hard it is, loving someone and them pushing you away like that. I know you want to stick around and make it better, but don't you think you deserve that too? Don't you think you deserve someone who wants to make the relationship work as much as you do? It doesn't seem like your boyfriend does. Deleting you from Facebook, updating his status to single... but telling you that you're still his girlfriend? That's not okay. For the record, Facebook would not have changed his status to single, he would have had to do that himself.

I hope I'm not coming across as really horrible here, OP 'cause honestly, the last thing I want to do is upset you even more. I really do feel for you, this is a horrible situation to be in, especially at this time of year.

I think the best thing to do would be to talk about this. Tell him you're not happy with the break situation, ask him if what he really wants is to be single, just don't leave yourself hanging, wondering when he's gonna come back. You have a right to know what is going on.

I hope this all works out for the best for you, truly.

whatsamsn

kate_0133 wrote: »

I think the whole realm of cyberspace and everyday life are two different entities and I would see this as your boyfriend 'acting out', much the same as a child would do when reprimanded by a parent. Almost like a sulk or an outburst to get a reaction

I agree 100% but i have seen alot when it comes to facebook.
When your average person doesnt put their relationship status up it tends to be that they want to be private about it or just know what facebook is... that it doesnt mean anything in the real world.

However on the flip side I have seen a handful of people not put their relationship status up because of unfaithfullness. Some did so to hide their previous acts of unfaithfulness, some hid it to keep an option open.

One example in particular I will always remember happened to my mate. He was dating a girl for nearly a year. She refused to put her status up because of privacy. He accepted that. It later transpired that although some of her friends knew she was dating him... alot didnt. A second group of friends she even went out with and hooked up with other guys on those social nights.... even said guys she met were on the friend list on facebook :eek:

Thats only one story but I have seen a handful of examples. I dont know if these actions by people are in the minority. But they still happen sadly.

Tough world huh?

cafecolour

Sorry to say it, but if you've gone on a break and then he's 'deleted' you from facebook because it's too painful:

Either he's basically breaking up with you but is to cowardly to say it

Or he's trying to get with another girl, and keeping you on the back-burner in case it doesn't work out.

Beruthiel

I'll be perfectly honest, I don't get this 'break' crap. It didn't exist back in my day.
You're either in a relationship with someone, or you're not. It's either working, or it's not.
I do not see how you can have any expectations from someone who you are on 'a break' with. If you are no long in the relationship during that time, then all bets are off.
Certainly, if someone asked me to go on a break, as far as I'm concerned, the relationship is pretty much over.
I don't do the living in grey areas. It's just stringing out the inevitable.

OP, decide what exactly it is you want and tell him. He's either agreeable or not.

pastry2010

Last night he text me, he knew I would be watching a particular programme that we would both watch every week and we began chatting, I have asked him straight out if this is a long goodbye or if there is someone else and he got quite annoyed at how I would even think that, He has said to me that this is something that he needs to do and he is soory that I am upset and lonely but when he comes home to me it will be better, he has changed back his facebook relationship status to ''in a relationship'' but not stating its me and I am fine with this as I have the same on mine until I see how the next few weeks pan out, he is quite honest person and I know when he is just telling me something for the sake of it and this does not seem to be the case. With his occupation he is going to be away every few years for months at a time, he is not very close to any family members except his grandparents....and I just think it's easy for him to distance himself when things get too much for him, and because of recent arguments he is doing just that. I know 2 people that have gone on ''breaks'' and come out the other side stronger than ever and my heart is telling me to hang in there and see this until the end...whether it's sooner than I would like at least I will have given it everything I can.

Fool in love I guess:(