So unhappy and confused

LegacyUser

Hi
I don't even know how to start this post as my head is in such a muddle. I guess I'm hoping if someone has been in this situation before they could give me a bit of advice.
I've been with OH for 10 years and we have a beautiful 12 month old son who we both adore.
Things haven't been going well between me and OH for a long time and although he loves his son and is a good father, he lives the life of a single man. Any time off he has is spent on himself without a thought for me. I know now over Christmas hols he will be gone every day leaving me home alone. He is also very begrudging with money. He earns a big wage and is giving out and moaning now that I am on Parental leave two days a week and he has to pay more in bills. He always expects everything 50/50 which I never minded before even though he earns double my wage.
There are so many things wrong with our relationship and I won't bore you with all the details, I really think I need to go but I feel so bad for our little boy. How will he adapt, where will we go? We have our own home and it's been up for sale for the last year with no viewings. How could I possibly afford to rent and pay half our mortgage?
I'm so upset thinking of spending the rest of my life with a miserable person who has no love, respect or affection for me. Most days he doesn't even talk to me and if I ask him something he either snaps an answer or ignores me.
Please, if anyone has been here before with a mortgage especailly, could you give me some advice. Or anyone with some advice, I really appreciate you taking the time to read.
Thanks

LegacyUser

I haven't been here before Op, and I do have a mortgage.

Honestly, I'm not going to dress this up. I think you're unfortunately with someone who is mean (with money) and selfish.You are right to be thinking about what you're going to do.
If you feel this is something you'd like to work on first, try counselling.Preferably with him.Give it a shot, see how you get along. Surely there are reasons you got with him in the first place, that you fell in love.Maybe see if you can get back to those.

If not, if you really feel that you can't live with this anymore, then you do need to start looking at your options. Can you stay with a family member? Will he allow you to keep the child or will he cause a big fuss over it? I think the mortgage issue is something you will need to work out with him, probably with a solicitor or mediator involved, by the sounds of things.

But first things first. Look at your options as regards staying with a family member for a while, to get yourself back together. Then, if counselling isn't an option, you need to sit down with him and explain how you feel and what you think you have to do. And be prepared for a lot of anger, by the sound of it. Just try and keep calm.

As I said before OP, I haven't been through this, but there are many people out there who have, and who have come through whole on the other side. I'm sure there are counselling services available out there for people who find themselves in this position.Best of luck and I hope things work out for you.

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for replying.
Unfortunatly staying with a family member is not an option. I don't want to leave my own home and I know he will never leave as we've been here once before when he promised to change and I believed him but nothing changed.

LegacyUser

Hi Op!

Are you afraid of him ever using violence?

If the answer is yes, please contact women's aid.

You are in a vulnerable position as you have no family to turn to. There are people out there that can help you. You can contact women's aid in your area to just go in for a confidential chat to get advice. Even if you are not afraid of violence his behaviour towards you is very unsettling, and who knows what goes on in his head. It sounds like you feel that you do not really know him, and that you don't trust him. It also sounds like you are afraid of him. He is taking advantage of the economic situation that you are in together to exercise power over you. That is called economical abuse, and may be a sign that you are not safe.

The next step may be for him to start controlling you in different ways, i.e. with violence.

It also sounds as if he is emotionally abusing you, and you are vulnerable to emotional abuse as you are a mother of a young child, with no other options than to try to make the best of the situation (as is not really the case as you have more options but they hard decisions for you to make as it seems you do not have much of a support in form of a family in Ireland).

Do talk to someone in women's aid, if only just to tell someone how you feel about your current situation. Read the warning signs on their website and see that much of what you have describes is listed on it http://www.womensaid.ie/help/warningsigns.html.

Their free-phonenumber is 1800 341 900

unreggd

OP, I just wanna say, that your own happiness and welfare is just as important!

You have to look after yourself before you can look after others

Do what you have to do

Good luck