Access for seperated parents

Klingon Hamlet

Just curious as to how much access mums and dads in these forums get?

What would you consider fair for yourselves and for your kids?

(I'm an advocate for Shared Parenting.)

Evd-Burner

I only get 4 hours a week at the moment with also the odd few hours extra a week. At the moment the laws in this country in regards to mothers and fathers rights are a joke. I hope they change and change soon.

We shared the parenting when we separated they usually spent at least two day a week with their dad some times more.

It worked because we wanted it like that.. there was no court involvement we worked out the terms of the separation agreement ourselves, with help from a solicitor.

We didn't have very young children when it happened our youngest was 9.

We are both fairly sensible people.

We were both fairly alright financially we are not rich or anything but there were very little tension over finance.

Its not perfect and over the years i have had to lay down a few ground rules for example i always made it clear that i will discus anything to do with the children but if he tried to criticizes me or my parenting or anything like that the conversation was closed...if you are having problems like that a good way to approach it is to say in a calm manner ..is this about the children do not get diverted and do not engage or respond to any thing else and keep repeating is this about the children until you have got the conversation back to talking about the children,

I don't/didn't talk about there dad in a negative way to them and they know that we support each others parenting decisions one hundred present.

Mostly it has worked very well bar the odd hick up.. but at times its been very hard.

Klingon Hamlet

Evd-Burner wrote: »

I only get 4 hours a week at the moment with also the odd few hours extra a week. At the moment the laws in this country in regards to mothers and fathers rights are a joke. I hope they change and change soon.

4 hours a week is criminal! You must be heartbroken!

Why are you entitled to 4 hours a week and the other parent gets 164 hours a week? Is it court ordered or is it an agreement?

Klingon Hamlet

mariaalice wrote: »

We shared the parenting when we separated they usually spent at least two day a week with their dad some times more.

It worked because we wanted it like that.. there was no court involvement we worked out the terms of the separation agreement ourselves, with help from a solicitor.

We didn't have very young children when it happened our youngest was 9.

We are both fairly sensible people.

We were both fairly alright financially we are not rich or anything but there were very little tension over finance.

Its not perfect and over the years i have had to lay down a few ground rules for example i always made it clear that i will discus anything to do with the children but if he tried to criticizes me or my parenting or anything like that the conversation was closed...if you are having problems like that a good way to approach it is to say in a calm manner ..is this about the children do not get diverted and do not engage or respond to any thing else and keep repeating is this about the children until you have got the conversation back to talking about the children,

I don't/didn't talk about there dad in a negative way to them and they know that we support each others parenting decisions one hundred present.

Mostly it has worked very well bar the odd hick up.. but at times its been very hard.

Are you in your twenties or thirties? Were you married? You strike me as parents mature enough to handle the aftermath of a breakup in the best possible way for the kids, kudos!

Jypo1

Just a bit of insight for anyone getting bad access. I get two evenings a week , and overnight saturdays which i consider good. If any father pays there maintenance, is reliable and keeps his nose clean there is no reason that you can not get good access. The only thing is it can depend on who the judge is , im led to believe that some are more sympathetic to Mothers.

amiable

Jypo1 wrote: »

Just a bit of insight for anyone getting bad access. I get two evenings a week , and overnight saturdays which i consider good. If any father pays there maintenance, is reliable and keeps his nose clean there is no reason that you can not get good access. The only thing is it can depend on who the judge is , im led to believe that some are more sympathetic to Mothers.

I think you are spot on there. Good Dad's deserve good time with their kids.
If you are a good Dad which you seem to be, a good Mother will and should give Good access.
Its not always that easy though.

amiable

I'd personally consider both parents sitting down and having the sensible approach as fair time. Each family situation is different what with different work hours and work patterns and lots of other things happening. People should consider if lives have moved on from the relationship some free time without the kids can benefit the custodial parent.
The kids needs are the most important part

amiable

How much access do you get OP?

smelltheglove

I have my eldest mainly. When she was born it was made clear her dad was welcome to visit whenever he wanted, after time it turned into a sleepover every week, more if he wanted. As she went to school it turned into every second weekend, unfortunately his work does not allow him to take every weekend off and does not drive or live close enough to take her midweek. Over holidays he is welcome to take her as often as he likes tbh as I would never stand in his way.

At the mintue my daughter hasnt seen a hell of a lot of her dad due to a new business venture but I am sure they will catch up on time over the Christmas holidays and get back to normal soon. I know I wouldnt be able to hack only seeing her for a weekend every 2 weeks which is why I say he is welcome to even just visit her in my house if he hasnt got much time. I do believe a mutual agreement and good relationship is best for the kids, unfortunately it isnt possible for everyone and yes, there are judges who are more sympathetic to the mother.

Klingon Hamlet

amiable wrote: »

How much access do you get OP?

Three weekends a month. It's a lot more than many fathers get, and a lot less than I'd like, but evenings are impossible when living two hours away.

I'd like every weekend but it's just not going to happen.

We've a week together after Christmas which'll be lovely.

I have had to fight for every minute I get. The courts are often the only way to stay in a child's life. It's a shame cos it turns a bad situation into an even more challenging one, but it's worth the hassle to make the little one smile:)

amiable

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

Three weekends a month. It's a lot more than many fathers get, and a lot less than I'd like, but evenings are impossible when living two hours away.

I'd like every weekend but it's just not going to happen.

We've a week together after Christmas which'll be lovely.

I have had to fight for every minute I get. The courts are often the only way to stay in a child's life. It's a shame cos it turns a bad situation into an even more challenging one, but it's worth the hassle to make the little one smile:)

Agreed for a loving father 3 weekends is never enough but i'm sure you enjoy the time you do get. I respect your efforts and hard work.
As i said earlier every situation is diff and i bet you see your child weeknights if you could. a child does need a loving Dad

I was in my late thirties when we separated ...one thing that is very important ...where i live is about a five minute drive from my ex husbands house... over the years this has become the key to it working because as they get older there tends to be a lot of activities on Saturdays and when they are teenagers there friends are everything to them....i have seen situations where the dad had them every weekend but as soon as they became teenager it became less and less because the kids had sports matches/music/wanted to be with their friends at at the weekend and they just couldnt do it from there dads house as it was too far away...

No matter what way you do it one house is going to be the children's home base ..its the house near their school and where their friends are, where they keep their things.

K-9

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

Three weekends a month. It's a lot more than many fathers get, and a lot less than I'd like, but evenings are impossible when living two hours away.

I'd like every weekend but it's just not going to happen.

We've a week together after Christmas which'll be lovely.

I have had to fight for every minute I get. The courts are often the only way to stay in a child's life. It's a shame cos it turns a bad situation into an even more challenging one, but it's worth the hassle to make the little one smile:)

I have every weekend from Friday to Sunday evening, can be tiring so in some respects count your blessings!

Works out well for me and suits his mother as she often works weekends and for her socialising I suppose!

We don't really talk much, just leads to arguments, but he is old enough now to make up his mind on things.

So, decent enough access and see him during the week too. Makes me wonder what all the rows and denial of access was ever about! Some people just love rows.