In the doghouse with sister's new boyfriend over PSNI remark

LegacyUser

The other night I met my cousin's boyfriend for the first time. He's a lovely guy in general. We were really getting on great. Not in the fake putting on a good show way we were genuinely having a laugh and I thought we had similar sense of humour and attitudes. Also I mentioned he is my cousin's boyfriend but really we are more like brother and sister cause we grew up on the same street and lived together as kids here and there.

Anyway he's in the PSNI and people were talking about working as a cop. He asked if any of us would be into joining and I replied (as a joke) ''to be honest I'd have no real interest in upholding British rule in Ireland". He likes Brasseye and The Day Today so I thought he'd get I was taking the p*ss.

He went cold as soon as I said it. Didn't talk to me the rest of the night and hasn't replied to me when I texted - we'd planned to meet for a pint next week. He is massively into Sinn Fein which I think is why he took offence

My sister wasn't there when I said it and I'm terrified she's gonna hate me cos she's clearly mad about him. I'm a republican as well but I support the GFA- the PSNI joke was genuinely a satirical comment and I have huge respect for him for being a cop in the six counties.

Is he over-reacting or was I being a dick? I didn't mean to be so I don't know what to do. Should I tell my sister/try to patch things up with him or just leave it? I'd hate to think this would cause a rift because he is a cool guy

implausible

I think you made an error in judgement. As he's from a republican background, being a member of the PSNI might be a sensitive subject for him. He may have heard comments like this a hundred times, but you've only just met him and I think you overstepped the mark with that joke. If I was you, I'd wait til the next time I met him and either apologise or make light of the fact that you put your foot in it.

Sardonicat

Well, you weren't being a dick because you didn't intentionally cause offense. You did offend him though. I think the best thing to do is to apologise prefusely, put your hands up to being insensitive, and, dare I say it, a little stupid at thinking he wouldn't take offense. That's gotta be a very touchy subject with him. You seem to genuinely regret upsetting him and this is bound to come across in your apology. An apology is a the best you can do. It's up to him after that.

PopUp

Yes, you weren't being a dick by making the joke but you really should have apologised and explained as soon as you realised he took it the wrong way. It's not unreasonable for him to be sensitive about it - unfortunately people in his position really do get a lot of comments like that made seriously.

Just say sorry. He seems sound, apologise and it'll blow over.

tenchi-fan

I think it was less "satirical" and more "childish".. the day today and brass eye use absurdist rather than low or cutting comments to get humour across.

I'll be honest, it's like something I'd say. but it's just like making a racist comment to a black man in the hope that he'd know you were joking and appreciate the irony.

You're in the wrong here. I think a grovelling apology is in order, mentioning the brilliant work the PSNI do.

Beruthiel

Apologise to him OP.
You basically insulted his choice of career and your comment came across as very judgmental on who he is as a person.

dolphin city

first of all you need to decide whether its your sister or your cousin you are talking about.

LegacyUser

I think it was less "satirical" and more "childish".. the day today and brass eye use absurdist rather than low or cutting comments to get humour across.

Well that's the thing it wasn't a cutting comment because the joke wasn't directed at him. It was directed at the idiots who think that way. I even put on a spide accent when I said it to emphasise that.

Anyway he texted me today about the pint and that his phone hasn't been working the last few days so think i'll just say something like 'here was freakin out a wee bit you were annoyed at me after makin that psni joke the other night' - or should i just say nothing?

thanks for replies btw

tenchi-fan

inappropriateOP wrote: »

Anyway he texted me today about the pint and that his phone hasn't been working the last few days so think i'll just say something like 'here was freakin out a wee bit you were annoyed at me after makin that psni joke the other night' - or should i just say nothing?

Don't say you were freaking out and definitely don't say you thought he was ignoring you. Just apologise for the comment when you meet him.

OS119

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Don't say you were freaking out and definitely don't say you thought he was ignoring you. Just apologise for the comment when you meet him.

i'd agree with that - after you've apologised maybe mention sotto vocé that you understand the position he's in and the kind of crap he probably has to put up with on a very regular basis.

also worth thinking about - and you'd know this if you're from a republican background - is that some of the 'crap' he has to put up with about his chosen profession and his background comes from people who would happily put a bomb in his car. pisstake/abuse from no-mark randoms is one thing, worrying about whether he's going to be alive in 5 seconds everytime he starts the car probably starts to grate after a while, and his sense of humour on the issue might begin to suffer a bit.

LegacyUser

OS119 wrote: »

i'd agree with that - after you've apologised maybe mention sotto vocé that you understand the position he's in and the kind of crap he probably has to put up with on a very regular basis.

also worth thinking about - and you'd know this if you're from a republican background - is that some of the 'crap' he has to put up with about his chosen profession and his background comes from people who would happily put a bomb in his car. pisstake/abuse from no-mark randoms is one thing, worrying about whether he's going to be alive in 5 seconds everytime he starts the car probably starts to grate after a while, and his sense of humour on the issue might begin to suffer a bit.

I think that is excellent advice that is exactly what I will do. By freaking out I was exaggerating I more meant just to express I was concerned he thought I was being horrible to him.

also thanks to techni-fan for your input