Can't stand living alone

LegacyUser

Hi there. I have recently moved into my own place.The reaons i got the place was to have a place to socialise and bring a girlfriend back(i have never had agirlfriend)ant stand living on my own. Even for one night. I start thinking about about everything that happend in my life even things that happened years ago. You might think by reading this post that i am a teenager and very close to my family. But i am in my thirties and don't get on with my parents!! when i go back to them we argue for hours about trivial things in fact apart from the arguing there is no real communication! in fact i think thats the reason i get lonely because i am trying to 'resolve' something

What should i do?

LegacyUser

This can happen but don't worry - you get used to it. I'm guessing that you've never had this kind of space and alone time before, it's actually perfectly normal especially if you've just come out of a situation where there were arguments and hassle (I'm assuming you've moved straight out of your parents' place?).

Maybe you do need to think about this stuff - you don't have to do anything about it, but as you said, maybe now with this new found quiet, your mind is just sorting through things and trying to resolve them. Let the thoughts come and then let them go again, try not to let them upset you because the past is the past.

What would you typically do when you have alone time - any hobbies? I used to feel a lot like this when I first moved out on my own, I found it hard to be in my own company for a while there but eventually I found a few things I like doing that occupied my time and I'd be lost without my alone time now. I think you're just in an adjustment phase, I'd say give it some time.

LegacyUser

thanks for the reply. its funny you said that about changing the past because i think thats what im trying to do or something. i live in a fantasy world of how my life would have turned out if i got help sooner in life. i have read that book and went for counselling but it didnt help in fact when i was at the counselling i seemed to lose track of why i waqs their and talked about other stuff that meant nothing

Another thing i do when i am in that house is smoke constantly and think about things. i feel as if i am immature or something

tenchi-fan

Agreed with sunflower27, you seem to have issues from your past that are ruining your life now.

For people with a depressive mindset, they can sometimes expect too much of both people and situations. And when things don't work out exactly as planned, they become even more upset and are temped to give up. It was naive to think your life would transform just because you moved into a place of your own.

Have you not considered that maybe you actually need your own space to get your life together? It is good to be alone sometimes so you can reflect on the past and plan the future. I recommend getting a counsellor who can talk through your issues and give you tips for coping, reflecting and planning the future.

One important note is the difference between reflection and rumination. Rumination is basically worrying about things that already happened. It's destructive. Rather than accepting and moving on, you end up just putting yourself in a bad mood.

Regarding your parents, if you don't get on with your parents you need to make a distance between yourself and them. Maybe even visit them less often so they appreciate you more when you do visit.

They're not going to change, so you need to change your behaviour. Ensure visits are brief and cordial. Avoid bringing up or getting embroiled in the same old arguments. You're a grown man - your relationship with your parents should not still be affecting your life. It's time to either take the highground and act like the more mature party, or if they're destroying you that much you should consider cutting ties altogether.