Too much information??

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Just a quick question! I was out with my boyfriend at the weekend , we are together since July and are pretty close. He has always been curious about my past , not that it's very exciting but has always asked about ex's etc and I tell him what he wants to know if I have too but I dont go into detail by any means, i just don't see the need and past is past fo a reason ....

Anyway on Saturday night he started telling me in detail about his ex's , friends with benefits and exciting places he has done the deed with others . It made me so uncomfortable and even though I was asking him to not tell me , he kept asking why it was a problem for me to know . He has apologised since (he had a few drinks , I wasn't drinking that night) but I can't stop thinking about it ..... Our sex life is fantastic but now I feel like I'm so inadequate and just another notch on the bed post .....

My question is , Would you guys feel just as uncomfortable ? or am I over thinking the situation ??

Thanks

Asphyxia

I guess every girl would be uncomfortable in some way if there boyfriend took off talking about their exes but like you said the past is the past and your the girl he is with now. Why don't you try talking to him more about how it's affected you it might give you peace of mind.

Jennifurball

My ex was the same, he went into so much detail with everything, including a prostitute he went with before he met me. :rolleyes::mad:

It caused no end of trouble and it ruined the relationship, he turned me into a jealous paranoid psycho and he later admitted he made half his stories up to get me jealous because he was insecure and I wasn't. He wanted me to feel like I had competition. Well it worked and now we are no more.

Believe me, it will eat you up if you let it. He was well out of order, especially after you told him to shut up. I found my ex didn't like hearing things of my past despite him bragging to me about his. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

star-pants

I think most would feel uncomfortable in that situation, I personally don't really like to hear things like that. Because it's very easy to imagine your bf/OH with that ex or whomever doing whatever and it makes you feel sick and/or jealous/substandard (least that's just my thinking). Obviously we all have a past and it's in the past but some people just don't like hearing about it for their own reasons.

It's good he apologised for making you feel how you did, and I'd leave things be unless he brings it up again. If he starts talking about ex's and whatnot again, I'd calmly but firmly explain to him again how it makes you feel and that you'd prefer he didn't tell you about it because unless it's something you want to know, then he's doing his own relationship subtle damage.

ShiresV2

On the flip side of the coin..

No, that conversation doesn't make me uncomfortable (it used to when I was younger and not as secure in myself).

That said, if an OH started volunteering that information and/or brought it up on a regular basis I'd be concerned about their motives.

Wagon

I can't stand people like that. My ex was like that, telling me stories as if it didn't matter. Ended up breaking up over it because i couldn't stop thinking about it and it was driving me up the fúcking wall.

Expect a few replies here about how "you're just being insecure". It's the usual tripe people come out with. Fact of the matter is, you didn't want to know and you didn't need to. So he goes ahead anyway? Tell the gob****e to keep his mouth shut in future and if he doesn't, he's just a bit too stupid to be in a relationship.

whatsamsn

Too much information?
Yes. Hell yes.

Everyone has a past. But as the current partner of someone we dont wanna hear what they have done because it causes issues.

See how you're fixed in a few weeks. See if you've let it go or its still niggling at you.

Moomoo1

ShiresV2 wrote: »

On the flip side of the coin..

No, that conversation doesn't make me uncomfortable (it used to when I was younger and not as secure in myself).

That said, if an OH started volunteering that information and/or brought it up on a regular basis I'd be concerned about their motives.

the most likely motive to me would be to have a close relationship with no secrets

I'd have serious problems with an OH who would have secrets from me or refused to listen to me revealing mine. I'd even go as far as to say it would be a dealbreaker for me, as it would make the relationship feel somehow shallow...

LegacyUser

OP here ,

Thanks for the responses everyone . It's difficult because I have experienced an ex who was very secretive and that worked out bad in the end because I found it hard to trust him . So, in a way I'm gald we can talk about our past and experiences but I felt he crossed the line when it came to the physical information ..... as a previous poster said it made me feel sub-standard .... I can't seem to get those details out of my head ... we all have exs and we learn from the mistakes we made with them , but I don't wanna know what took place in the bedroom .... or wherever else stuff happened !

Moomoo1

but look at it this way: he's with you now and not with any of those other people, despite what they might have got up to in the bedroom.

LegacyUser

Just my bit on this, an ex girlfriend of mine used to talk about her past especially exes, a lot, in general conversation and even in bed, talking about her favourite sex positions with them!!
It made me very uncomfortable and feeling a little inadequate,
Used to get me thinking bad things about her and it ate away at me. She was quite immature that way I think.
We didnt last too long as a result...

pastry2010

I have been in the same position, I felt so comfortable with one of my ex's and he asked all about my past and it's natural to be inquisitive....to a point!!This conversation is dangerous the more you know, unless your a very confident person this can make you paranoid and insecure...I shared so much with my ex that he became so insecure and paranoid he would go through my laptop and phone and we broke up. I am in a new relationship and I have told him nothing..I have learned by my mistakes....the less you know about 'past relationships' the better.

I am sure If you just explain this to him, nothing will ever be mentioned again, he seems like a nice guy and apologised when hesaw it clearly upset you, If you like him you need to put it to the back of mind,forget it..he's with you now and thats all that matters:D

Rhamiel

Ahhh, yeah definitely things that people dont need to know!

He must of just got carried away with the few drinks and his immaturity got the best of him.. insecure boasting by the sound of it
Being open bout past relationships can be very healthy for couples but only when both are comfortable and committed enough to discuss such things.
Bad move by yer man! keep the lad in check hey

..And yes, as a guy I can say this sorta thing would have (and has) made me feel just as uncomfortable.