Poordiet

LegacyUser

Hi,

Don't want to say too much here. Basically long story short, a friend of mine basically lives on a diet of porridge, bowl for lunch and dinner, maybe another in the evening, possible cereal bar early in the morning. She does occasionally have a small bowl of pasta and likes chocolate. She is always in the gym or if she can't make the gym will do weights sit ups for a couple of hours at home. Some times she'll have something tiny from the chippers etc, or apples. Am I being paranoid, or does she have an eating disorder, some times I think i'm worrying over nothing like the odd time we're she'll have something small from the chippers etc. I love her to bits and don't want to upset her but i'm genuinely worried about her. I know people have made horrible remarks to her before about this and been really nasty to her, so I am wary of whether or not I should say or do anything or just keep my mouth shut. Perhaps people think it's none of my business. Any advice would be appreciated as this has been playing on my mind quite a lot.

mrpink6789

is she overweight? Sounds like she has a big complex about her appearance which is the first thing that needs to be addressed. Not sure about an eating disorder as such but she is obviously trying to lose weight as she isnt eating much at all, especially if she is in the gym as much as you say.

You need to sit her down and talk to her about it. Only way you are going to find out what is going on. You are her mate so its better she hears it from you.

LegacyUser

She is only 7 and a half stone(that's including muscle which weighs a lot). She has been down to 7 stone. I really don't know how to broach this she's become one of my bessie mates but I still only know her since May, so don't know if i'm overstepping the mark.

Mods - Can you move this to PI, meant to put it there.

mrpink6789

first off a little off topic but muscle doesnt weight more then fat, thats just a myth, 5lbs of fat is much bulkier then 5lbs of muscle but 5lbs is 5 lbs.

back on topic, unless she is under 5 foot, yep she's fairly skinny. well you refer to her as one of your best mates, how would she look at you? if she does look at you as a good friend then yes do talk to her about it. otherwise talk about it with someone else who she might look at as her best mate. either way you need to act on it before she does herself damage.

LegacyUser

mrpink6789 wrote: »

first off a little off topic but muscle doesnt weight more then fat, thats just a myth, 5lbs of fat is much bulkier then 5lbs of muscle but 5lbs is 5 lbs.

back on topic, unless she is under 5 foot, yep she's fairly skinny. well you refer to her as one of your best mates, how would she look at you? if she does look at you as a good friend then yes do talk to her about it. otherwise talk about it with someone else who she might look at as her best mate. either way you need to act on it before she does herself damage.

Well i'm 5ft and she's a little taller than me. See thing is she went down to 7 stone and someone close to her told her she looks better since losing the weight. Also someone she's known donkeys years told her it's no one elses business what she eats. She doesn't think there's a problem with her eating at all, she claims to love porridge. She's been quite poorly lately and her organs became damp a couple of years ago due to a lack of hot food. I don't know what to do about it.

tenchi-fan

People can lose a lot of weight and still be healthy.

In fact, even when people appear to be painfully thin, they are still healthier than people who are only slightly overweight. They don't have all that gunk that blocks their arteries.

However, it sounds like your friend has a problem. i'd be slightly more concerned for her mental health than her physical health, although they are fairly intertwined. I wonder why she thinks she can only be happy when she is controlling her intake of food, exercising rigorously and losing weight?

It's not until her physical health starts deteriorating that most anoerexics admit they need help. Until then they are happy with their routines.

Oryx

Concernedaboutfriend wrote: »

She's been quite poorly lately and her organs became damp a couple of years ago due to a lack of hot food. I don't know what to do about it.

I have no idea what that means. Sounds like a notion she was told rather than medical advice.

Can I ask what age you both are? Is she living at home or alone or with someone?

LegacyUser

The damp thing refers to traditional chinese medicine, I'm assuming she was told this by a reputable, trained TCM practitioner? You'd be surprised (actually you probably wouldn't...) at the amount of charlatans out there peddling this stuff and only getting it half right. TCM can be effective for some people (I'm in two minds about it myself tbh) but it's quite complicated and if she wants to go that route she needs to be seeing someone who's been properly trained, it's not something you can cherry pick advice from, and they wouldn't advocate the diet she's currently on.

It's not a balanced diet, she's missing out on entire food groups and a lot of essential nutrients. I don't know how you'd broach it with her - you might have to be prepared for her to be defensive at first, but if she knows you're not preaching to her and you're just concerned, maybe she'd understand.

merlie

Hello OP,

It is good to hear that you are concerned for your friend, though I cannot see how someone could be nasty to her over what she eats, as it is her business.
But seeing as you are concerned about her wellbeing, as a diet of porridge, which contains a good deal of fibre, isn't really the best. She would need to eat vegetables and fruit and vary out her diet to maintain a healthy life.

You say you are wary about approaching her, if you are concerned then you must do it in a light way, like bring up a food programme you were watching and tell her what was really nice and then ask her about the porridge and if she is trying to maintain her weight and see what she says. Just tell her you were wondering about it and hope that she doesn't mind you asking about it. Because at the end of the day, if you don't ask you will never know.

whatdoicare

Be very careful about approaching her about her eating habits as this could make things worse.
She may take her eating habits "underground" as in eat in secret or eat normally in front of you and become bulimic (which is of course not your desired effect). I have heard of all these things happening.
If you constantly watching her stresses her out or makes her uncomfortable, her dieting habits may get much more extreme and most likely drive a wedge between you.
I'm sure her family has already been at her about her eating habits and I'm not convinced that it's really your place to add extra pressure on her. If she has an eating disorder you taking notice and forcing her to eat isn't going to change the fact she has an eating disorder and like all addictions, she has to admit to wanting to help to herself before anything can be done to cure it.

Just be there for her and keep yourself healthy.

LegacyUser

Oryx wrote: »

I have no idea what that means. Sounds like a notion she was told rather than medical advice.

Can I ask what age you both are? Is she living at home or alone or with someone?

Mid and late 20's we live together.

LegacyUser

whatdoicare wrote: »

Be very careful about approaching her about her eating habits as this could make things worse.
She may take her eating habits "underground" as in eat in secret or eat normally in front of you and become bulimic (which is of course not your desired effect). I have heard of all these things happening.
If you constantly watching her stresses her out or makes her uncomfortable, her dieting habits may get much more extreme and most likely drive a wedge between you.
I'm sure her family has already been at her about her eating habits and I'm not convinced that it's really your place to add extra pressure on her. If she has an eating disorder you taking notice and forcing her to eat isn't going to change the fact she has an eating disorder and like all addictions, she has to admit to wanting to help to herself before anything can be done to cure it.

Just be there for her and keep yourself healthy.

No that's not true actually a very close relative told her she looked great after losing "the weight" WTF????? As in she went from 7 and a half to 7 stone. I really don't know if I should just ignore it, i've told her she's no reason to worry i've a friend who's upwards of 17 stone and is still gorgeous and i've told her this and that she's a tiny little figure and she has no need to lose weight. I know I know if she doesn't see it herself I can't convince her.

I feel bad even posting this to be honest like i'm stabbing her in the back or something.

Fluorescence

7 stone is tiny! I'm 5'2 and around 8.5 stone is my ideal weight, with 8 being a bit gaunt and 9 being a bit (very little bit) chubby. Her diet is very worrying. Alas, it's true that it's none of your business really, and broaching the subject with her is likely to only put her on the defensive and will achieve nothing. Unless she independently realises she's unhealthy she will probably never change her habits.

You could perhaps subconsciously plant the idea in her head by watching lots of those tv shows where they make fat people lose weight and overly skinny gain weight to bring them both to the ideal middle ground. I know you're concerned about her, but I'm 90% certain that telling her about your concern outright will only annoy her and drive a wedge between ye.

johnboysligo

have you tried asking your friends opinion on her own weight?

try that first before anything else. you can then open the conversation to what you and her think is a healthy weight and move on from there.

Zen65

For somebody who is 5' 2", a weight of 7 stone is a little under-weight, but not to the extent that you should panic about it. A Body Mass Index chart is a useful way to judge whether a person's weight is healthy or not.

http://www.milesgraham.co.uk/lib/gif/bmi_graph.gif

Porridge is actually a healthy food, and if she eats other stuff also then it does not suggest (IMHO) a very bad diet, although it's not one I could enjoy for more than a day.

The real issue may be whether or not she is obsessing about her weight / appearance. If she simply enjoys the feeling of being fit, then I see no reason to be anxious about her. On the other hand if she constantly feels over-weight and is trying to control herself by eating this dreary food, well that's possibly a cause for concern about her mental health. I'm not attempting to diagnose anything with that comment; I'm not a doctor.

She may of course have other reasons for this diet, totally unrelated to her weight. Porridge is cheap so she may be saving her money. She may have digestive problems which are agitated by rich food and so she avoids them. I think it's healthy to talk about it with her, but not to make the conversation too intense. Perhaps use a BMI chart to show her where you are on the chart and then discuss where she is.



Be at peace,

Z

goose2005

With such a limited diet she's also leaving herself open to vitamin deficiencies - for example, there's no vitamin C in the diet you describe.

LegacyUser

johnboysligo wrote: »

have you tried asking your friends opinion on her own weight?

try that first before anything else. you can then open the conversation to what you and her think is a healthy weight and move on from there.

Yeap I have discussed this with close friends and family as I thought maybe I was just worrying over nothing even male friends have said it to me without me bringing it up.

LegacyUser

goose2005 wrote: »

With such a limited diet she's also leaving herself open to vitamin deficiencies - for example, there's no vitamin C in the diet you describe.

I know and she seems to be poorly a lot. I wouldn't be so concerned only she makes comments like "how big my arms have got." "i'm going on a diet for Xmas". and "i'd love to be stick thin".

Zen - Money is not the issue. And it's nothing to do with allergies as she eats a food she is allergic to sometimes because she "likes it".

Rocket19

Hey.
I used to have an eating disorder and tbh, I still 'dabble' in it a bit. I sort of fall back into my habits sometimes when I'm stressed or anxious.

Anyway, you friend doesn't sound like she's a really unhealthy weight. 7 stone isn't that light for someone of that height. I was 7 stone and I'm 5'9! It really depends on your build.

It's nice that you're concerned about her. Going by the way the she's eating, I'd say, yeah, it's an eating disorder. Eating the same thing most of the time is 'comforting' and easy to control and its what I used to do anyway.

My advice, going by my own experience, is not to push her. Maybe say something like "hey i've noticed you're not really eating much. You ok?" DO NO be like "you're waaay too skinny" or something. I had family members and friends literally grabbing my hips and shoulders and being like "ugh!".

Don't push the issue. If I was ever challenged, I'd get really defensive and embarassed. So please, please don't do this.
I really think the best thing to do is let her know that you've noticed and that you're there for her.

Trust me, if SHE doesn't want to stop, she won't. You literally just have to be there for her and try to be there for her when she comes round. I look at photos of me a couple of years ago and I shudder. I really didn't see it that way then, even when I was fainting from fatigue.

Again, I'll say that you won't be able stop her if she does have an eating disorder...but its likely she'll come round eventially. Just be there.

xxx

LegacyUser

You can't judge this on her weight alone. Many people who fall in the 'healthy weight' category are in the depths of serious eating distress and dysfunctional behaviours and you would never know it to look at them so it's not a good barometer.

Personally, I suffered from an eating disorder when I was younger and when it was at its worst, I was a little under seven stone. I'm 5 '1 so that's not unhealthy according to the charts, people told me I looked 'amazing' but my natural weight is significantly above it and I was jeopardising my mental, emotional and physical health to maintain. Your friend sounds like she's doing the same.

As mentioned by other posters, you need to proceed with caution here, as she's probably sick to the death of the offensive, intrusive and embarrassing remarks at this stage. If it was me and I saw this behaviour in a friend, I would try to get her on her own somewhere quiet where it's just the two of you and simply ask her how she's doing. Tell her that you're worried about her and don't want to her to feel like you're overstepping the mark, but that her attitude towards her body and food doesn't seem healthy. Allow her to talk and just listen, don't lecture. Ask her if there's any way you can help her and maybe suggest she visits the GP for a check-up. You could even suggest the two of you go together, just for a general check up, so it doesn't seem so daunting to her.

Ultimately she may deny, deny, deny...a common response in people with eating disorders, but if you approach her softly in a non threatening way, she may open up to you. And at least you can say you tried. The best of luck, you seem like a good friend and she's lucky to have you.

LegacyUser

beentheretoo wrote: »

You can't judge this on her weight alone. Many people who fall in the 'healthy weight' category are in the depths of serious eating distress and dysfunctional behaviours and you would never know it to look at them so it's not a good barometer.

Personally, I suffered from an eating disorder when I was younger and when it was at its worst, I was a little under seven stone. I'm 5 '1 so that's not unhealthy according to the charts, people told me I looked 'amazing' but my natural weight is significantly above it and I was jeopardising my mental, emotional and physical health to maintain. Your friend sounds like she's doing the same.

As mentioned by other posters, you need to proceed with caution here, as she's probably sick to the death of the offensive, intrusive and embarrassing remarks at this stage. If it was me and I saw this behaviour in a friend, I would try to get her on her own somewhere quiet where it's just the two of you and simply ask her how she's doing. Tell her that you're worried about her and don't want to her to feel like you're overstepping the mark, but that her attitude towards her body and food doesn't seem healthy. Allow her to talk and just listen, don't lecture. Ask her if there's any way you can help her and maybe suggest she visits the GP for a check-up. You could even suggest the two of you go together, just for a general check up, so it doesn't seem so daunting to her.

Ultimately she may deny, deny, deny...a common response in people with eating disorders, but if you approach her softly in a non threatening way, she may open up to you. And at least you can say you tried. The best of luck, you seem like a good friend and she's lucky to have you.

Thanks everyone for your replies really appreciate it. Just in the bit you've highlighted she's aware that I worry about her eating the same thing and that other people have highlighted the fact also so I think I could be wasting my efforts. She is honest to god convinced there's nothing wrong with her eating habits and people need to butt out. In fact she often comments on "how little I eat" which is bizarre , I love my grub.

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Hope no one minds me dragging up an old post. I think I just need to vent. I am really at my wits end with this we went for dinner the other night and my friend ate 4 small pieces of chicken and was "so stuffed". Also I copped slimming pills in her press. I'm so tired of seeing her abuse her body like this and acts like nothings wrong. She frequently comes to me about concerns over her health, and to be honest it's so hard to be supportive and give advice(even though I still do) when it's obvious her body is reacting to the lack of nutrients etc she's getting. Not sure if there's any more advice people can give me just needed to get this off my chest.

LegacyUser

I'm thinking of texting her and saying "Hon, do you think you might be sick because you're living on porridge. You might be missing out on vitamins/minerals etc?" Just a thought.

neuro-praxis

Eating disorders have nothing to do with weight. They are diagnosed by behaviours and thought patterns, not what someone weighs. It is irrelevant to say 7 stone is ok at 5'2" blah blah blah.

Your friend is demonstrating anorexia and anorexia athletica (over-exercising). She probably has other behaviours too that you don't know about. None of this can be solved with diet suggestions. She needs emotional and psychological help, it has next to nothing to do with food.

If you are in the Dublin area, I suggest calling the Marino Therapy Centre for confidential advice. They can also recommend other clinics nationwide. Good luck.

PS - vitamin deficiencies are the least of her worries - she's looking at infertility, brittle bones and losing her hair to name just a few consequences of eating distress

curlzy

Hey OP,

I really wouldn't text her, texting gives no context so she could read it as an attack or whatever. You really need to just lay your cards on the table and say "I love you to bits and you're my friend but I'm really worried about you. You're not eating enough and you're getting sick regularly. Please would you go to the Doctor and have a chat, I'll go with you". Texts can be misread so easily it could go very wrong. If she is sick, and to me it does sounds like she is, then she needs all her friends, don't go behind her back, don't send her texts, just sit her down and tell her how much you're worried about her. I'm 5'8" and naturally thin but I would be worried if I got down to 7 & 1/2 stone. I tend to hover around the 8 stone mark but if I dip much below it I end up with angles everywhere, hip and shoulders sticking out all over the place. I don't think I'm actually sick when I get to that size but I certainly look it, so I think it's very hard to tell when someone is just skinny or if they're actually sick. You're in a very awkward position here OP and I really feel for you. But I'd go by what other people who have experience of eating disorders have said and just concentrate on being there for her and supporting her, have a chat and see if you can get her to open up and have a proper talk about it.

LegacyUser

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Eating disorders have nothing to do with weight. They are diagnosed by behaviours and thought patterns, not what someone weighs. It is irrelevant to say 7 stone is ok at 5'2" blah blah blah.

Your friend is demonstrating anorexia and anorexia athletica (over-exercising). She probably has other behaviours too that you don't know about. None of this can be solved with diet suggestions. She needs emotional and psychological help, it has next to nothing to do with food.

Have you read my previous posts, i'm well aware it is psychological, the text was mearly to get it out there.

If you are in the Dublin area, I suggest calling the Marino Therapy Centre for confidential advice. They can also recommend other clinics nationwide. Good luck.

PS - vitamin deficiencies are the least of her worries - she's looking at infertility, brittle bones and losing her hair to name just a few consequences of eating distress

She also has possible fertility problems which she is blaming on a condition that I also have but the evidence suggests she doesn't which is getting to me because it's like she's taking the piss out of it.

LegacyUser

The way I’d handle it is this;

Make sure you are in a position to confront her safely. Make an exit plan eg- make plans whereby you can meet friends and don’t have to see her after you get home again ie confront her in such a way as she will have the maximum cooling off time as possible if required.

Be very straight with her, don’t use pet names or be overly touchy feely. She will probably be hyper defensive. Tell her ‘I have something to say and you won’t like it. As a close friend. I believe you are abusing your body. I think it’s very unhealthy and I want you to change before you hurt yourself. I can’t make you do it but I’m willing to help you if you want. I’m going now. if you want me, you have my number. I’m not going to but say any more but you know how I feel’ or variations thereof. Obviously if she reaches out, you will have to stay with her so don’t make arrangements you can’t break.

LegacyUser

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

I really wouldn't text her, texting gives no context so she could read it as an attack or whatever. You really need to just lay your cards on the table and say "I love you to bits and you're my friend but I'm really worried about you. You're not eating enough and you're getting sick regularly. Please would you go to the Doctor and have a chat, I'll go with you". Texts can be misread so easily it could go very wrong. If she is sick, and to me it does sounds like she is, then she needs all her friends, don't go behind her back, don't send her texts, just sit her down and tell her how much you're worried about her. I'm 5'8" and naturally thin but I would be worried if I got down to 7 & 1/2 stone. I tend to hover around the 8 stone mark but if I dip much below it I end up with angles everywhere, hip and shoulders sticking out all over the place. I don't think I'm actually sick when I get to that size but I certainly look it, so I think it's very hard to tell when someone is just skinny or if they're actually sick. You're in a very awkward position here OP and I really feel for you. But I'd go by what other people who have experience of eating disorders have said and just concentrate on being there for her and supporting her, have a chat and see if you can get her to open up and have a proper talk about it.

Thanks so much for your reply. I will have a chat with her i'm gonna sleep on it and leave it until the weekend when we both have the day free. People are telling me I shouldn't be worrying about, it's not my problem, she should know better but how the hell can I? What would I do if something happened to her I couldn't live with myself.

Thing is she fell out with girls she used to live with a couple of years ago they were really mean to her about her weight and said she'd an eating disorder, no man would ever look at her. She actually told me one of the other girls had an eating disorder in the house. Similarly she tells me I eat feck all, don't know if there's a pattern there or if i'm just reading in to things too much.

neuro-praxis

Have you read my previous posts, i'm well aware it is psychological, the text was mearly to get it out there.

I wasn't addressing that to you - I was addressing it to those who were answering you in terms of what weight would make your friend "ok" or not.

Bottle_of_Smoke

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Eating disorders have nothing to do with weight. They are diagnosed by behaviours and thought patterns, not what someone weighs. It is irrelevant to say 7 stone is ok at 5'2" blah blah blah.

I think that's an over simplification. It isn't irrelevant because in the extremes the bodyweight height ratio lets you know if there's a major problem

Your friend is demonstrating anorexia nervosa and anorexia athletica (over-exercising). She probably has other behaviours too that you don't know about. None of this can be solved with diet suggestions. She needs emotional and psychological help, it has next to nothing to do with food.

Agree here, she hasn't a hope(the girl with AN) without realising it is a psychological problem - just added in nervosa because I think it should be referenced more. Anorexia on its own is simply a lack of appetite.

PS - vitamin deficiencies are the least of her worries - she's looking at infertility, brittle bones and losing her hair to name just a few consequences of eating distress

Surely some of these are down to vitamin deficiencies? Like the insufficient calcium in her low food diet leads to the body taking calcium from her bones and making them prone to osteoporosis in later life? Well I guess calciums a mineral but I think that's what the poster meant.

Anyway great post. The OP is in no position to fix this through diet advice. The poor girl probably has food phobia at this stage ie eating a proper meal is about as straight forward as an arachnaphobic handling a massive spider.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Concernedaboutfriend wrote: »

Thing is she fell out with girls she used to live with a couple of years ago they were really mean to her about her weight and said she'd an eating disorder, no man would ever look at her. She actually told me one of the other girls had an eating disorder in the house. Similarly she tells me I eat feck all, don't know if there's a pattern there or if i'm just reading in to things too much.

The pattern is likely. People with AN tend to have obsessions with food. Will cook high calorie delicious food for all around them but never have any themselves. One of things that surprised me a lot is they often think they're behaving really well by eating so little. Like a kind of ''I'm being good by not indulging.''

A lot of them realise they have a problem but prefer being that way. Then there's some who want to change but physically find it very difficult to eat. Think of the lack of appetite you have when distraught about something - relationship break up etc, its like that all the time for people with AN

LegacyUser

neuro-praxis wrote: »

I wasn't addressing that to you - I was addressing it to those who were answering you in terms of what weight would make your friend "ok" or not.

Apologise I didn't mean to be short i'm just stressed to the last with this.

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

The pattern is likely. People with AN tend to have obsessions with food. Will cook high calorie delicious food for all around them but never have any themselves. One of things that surprised me a lot is they often think they're behaving really well by eating so little. Like a kind of ''I'm being good by not indulging.''

A lot of them realise they have a problem but prefer being that way. Then there's some who want to change but physically find it very difficult to eat. Think of the lack of appetite you have when distraught about something - relationship break up etc, its like that all the time for people with AN

My concern is these girls tried to approach her about her eating and it blew up in their face, she could be saying their horrible and nasty and said all these mean things to her when they really were trying to help. They could have said something like "you know men like a women with a bit of weight on her" and she could have heard "no man would look at you twice unless you put on a bit of weight". I could be way off the mark but I know she's not always telling the entire truth when she discusses this or what she's been eating. She told me she polished off a 3 course meal there a few weeks ago yet she ate 4 pieces of chicken when out with us the other night and was "stuffed". Also the comments her mam makes about her "eating too much rubbish" or "looking better since she lost the weight". If her mam was in fact doing this wouldn't she do it to her other sister who looks a healthy size 12/14, surely if my friend at 7 and a half stone needs to lose weight, her sister has a problem with her weight according to this statement. Sorry if i'm rambling but it's a little bit of relief just getting this off my chest as i've no one really else to discuss it with. I'm afraid i'm gonna be attacked over this and i'll be the girl she tells someone about in her next house who's an awful bitch and said all these nasty things to her?

Distorted

Its great that you are so concerned about your friend but I wouldn't worry about it too much unless she loses more weight. At 7 - 7 1/2 stone for her height, she will be lean but not underweight. And people do often suffer from colds and flu in winter whether their diet is exemplary or not.

A lot of what you write is about what other girls in shared houses say, and while I don't doubt your genuine concern, there is a tendency amongst a lot of girls living together to pick on any percieved differences and attack them. Maybe try to encourage her to take some vitamin supplements by saying they stop your body craving unhealthy food or something?

She is probably what I have heard of described as "nearlyrexic" ie on the verges of anorexia but without the damaging weight loss or total loss of perspective that goes with it. She still sounds as though she is at a healthy weight and eating reasonable amounts. A lot of girls do go through this sort of thing at a certain age and recover without any problems. I think making too much of an issue out of it could be counter-productive.

I'd also like to point out that 7 - 7 1/2 stones is not really underweight. If she was getting down to 6 stones, then yes, it would be. The human body is actually designed to cope with scarce supplies of food, not excess. Carrying excess amounts of fat seems to have become the norm, particularly if you take no exercise and everyone you see around you is a size 12 or bigger. I'm a size 8/10 and I had my sister in law to be, who is maybe a size 18, say in my hearing "I don't like the sales, they only have have really wierd sizes, like size 8s left". What I guess I'm saying is, I don't think her weight is of any greater concern than someone who is overweight.

LegacyUser

There is a good chance that if you gave her enough time, she might deal with her issues herself and amend her behaviour. Maybe that could happen before she does herself irrepairable damage. Maybe not.

I think how she may react will have little to with how you raise the issue and more about her own feelings on the matter. If this is, as you suspect, a very sensitive matter to her, you won't have much control over her reaction no matter how well you present your concerns. Effectively you could be along for the ride whatever so your choice here is whether to do something or not in the here and now.

LegacyUser

Distorted wrote: »

Its great that you are so concerned about your friend but I wouldn't worry about it too much unless she loses more weight. At 7 - 7 1/2 stone for her height, she will be lean but not underweight. And people do often suffer from colds and flu in winter whether their diet is exemplary or not.

A lot of what you write is about what other girls in shared houses say, and while I don't doubt your genuine concern, there is a tendency amongst a lot of girls living together to pick on any percieved differences and attack them. Maybe try to encourage her to take some vitamin supplements by saying they stop your body craving unhealthy food or something?

She takes vitamins. I've done the whole sharing with bitchy housemate thing and I feel sorry for her I really do. Spending 5 hours in a gym with no dinner is not healthy. Taking slimming pills at her weight, eating 4 pieces of chicken for dinner, saying it's terrible I want another apple.These are not "different things" they are not healthy things. The girl has cooked once in 10 months.

She is probably what I have heard of described as "nearlyrexic" ie on the verges of anorexia but without the damaging weight loss or total loss of perspective that goes with it. She still sounds as though she is at a healthy weight and eating reasonable amounts. A lot of girls do go through this sort of thing at a certain age and recover without any problems. I think making too much of an issue out of it could be counter-productive.

I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill. She hasn't got things in perspective she tells me "I eat feck all" and makes comments such as the little amounts you eat which couldn't be further from the truth.

I'd also like to point out that 7 - 7 1/2 stones is not really underweight. If she was getting down to 6 stones, then yes, it would be. The human body is actually designed to cope with scarce supplies of food, not excess. Carrying excess amounts of fat seems to have become the norm, particularly if you take no exercise and everyone you see around you is a size 12 or bigger. I'm a size 8/10 and I had my sister in law to be, who is maybe a size 18, say in my hearing "I don't like the sales, they only have have really wierd sizes, like size 8s left". What I guess I'm saying is, I don't think her weight is of any greater concern than someone who is overweight.

I've spoke to the Marino Therapy Center and giving a few facts of whats going on and he said she is suffering from "eating distress".

LegacyUser

suggestion wrote: »

There is a good chance that if you gave her enough time, she might deal with her issues herself and amend her behaviour. Maybe that could happen before she does herself irrepairable damage. Maybe not.

I think how she may react will have little to with how you raise the issue and more about her own feelings on the matter. If this is, as you suspect, a very sensitive matter to her, you won't have much control over her reaction no matter how well you present your concerns. Effectively you could be along for the ride whatever so your choice here is whether to do something or not in the here and now.

From the way she speaks about food weight I don't think this is something that is gonna disappear over night. She has already done irrepairable damage.

neuro-praxis

Distorted wrote: »

Its great that you are so concerned about your friend but I wouldn't worry about it too much unless she loses more weight. At 7 - 7 1/2 stone for her height, she will be lean but not underweight. And people do often suffer from colds and flu in winter whether their diet is exemplary or not.

A lot of what you write is about what other girls in shared houses say, and while I don't doubt your genuine concern, there is a tendency amongst a lot of girls living together to pick on any percieved differences and attack them. Maybe try to encourage her to take some vitamin supplements by saying they stop your body craving unhealthy food or something?

She is probably what I have heard of described as "nearlyrexic" ie on the verges of anorexia but without the damaging weight loss or total loss of perspective that goes with it. She still sounds as though she is at a healthy weight and eating reasonable amounts. A lot of girls do go through this sort of thing at a certain age and recover without any problems. I think making too much of an issue out of it could be counter-productive.

I'd also like to point out that 7 - 7 1/2 stones is not really underweight. If she was getting down to 6 stones, then yes, it would be. The human body is actually designed to cope with scarce supplies of food, not excess. Carrying excess amounts of fat seems to have become the norm, particularly if you take no exercise and everyone you see around you is a size 12 or bigger. I'm a size 8/10 and I had my sister in law to be, who is maybe a size 18, say in my hearing "I don't like the sales, they only have have really wierd sizes, like size 8s left". What I guess I'm saying is, I don't think her weight is of any greater concern than someone who is overweight.

This is awful, damaging advice that should be ignored.

Distorted is precisely what it is.

neuro-praxis

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I think that's an over simplification. It isn't irrelevant because in the extremes the bodyweight height ratio lets you know if there's a major problem

Only sometimes. This is a misconception. Many people with ED have normal bodyweight and look perfectly healthy. The body can cope with a lot of abuse. Some of them are just on the cusp of thin or fat. Fewer still are extremely thin or extremely fat. They are the smallest group.

LegacyUser

Yeap and i'm guessing why so many people go through the wire

LegacyUser

Guys hope nobody minds me resurrecting an old post.

Hope nobody thinks i'm a bitch but I need to air whats on my mind and possibly people can offer advice. My friend in question has told me she's recently been diagnosed with an illness I have. Thing is all the symptoms she mentions can also be attributed to not eating and are often seen in anorexic people. I hope i'm wrong and god forgive me if I am but at the same time I don't want my friend to have this condition which I would't wish on anyone. However I have an awful gut feeling my friend may be exaggerating the truth like she may not have this illness and may be using as a cover up, as a lot of what she says doesn't make sense, doesn't add up. It's like i've noticed a few things and said to her that doesn't make sense they should be doing this and she'll come back a while later and said oh they're doing this now. And she's suddenly developed symptoms which are usually present before hand, as in a reason this condition is usually picked up, but if they were due to an eating disorder they may develop later on. I probably seem awful, but just needed to see if people think I may be right, or just being an awful cow.