is this unreasonable?

LegacyUser

i've just had a discussion that turned into an arguement with my husband, and he thinks i'm being totally unreasonable, so please, give it to me straight.

he is having his work christmas party this weekend and in talking about it today it came up that everyone that works there chipped in to buy the boss and his wife a weekend away. inchadoney spa actually. i said that god that was flipping generous. all we ever got any boss i've ever had was a bottle of wine, or a secret santa thing, and that wasn't a weekend away a bit much. he thought i was being unreasonable. so i point out the obvious, that they guy has a massive and i mean mansion massive house, 3 or 4 cars and jeeps, 2 holiday homes abroad, the guy splashes the cash basically. he's laid off a load of people 2 weeks ago for the holidays, including my husband, with the vague verbal agreement that he might have a few bit of jobs late january. he does the poor mouth thing with his emplyees like not paying them any sort of christmas bonus, pay for the meal at the party ourselves and all that, lays them off, then turns up around the town the following day with a new jeep for the missus, well, 2010 so a year old, but basically new.

am i jealous? yes, and i admitted as much to my husband. we're left with him out of work over christmas and the new year, no bonus, watching every penny to the extent that we've told family that we might have to cut back on presents this christmas and i have to watch my husband hand over cash so that this bo**ix and his wife can spend a weekend lording it up in inchedoney??? am i unreasonable having a problem with it basically. not that i can tell my husband not to contribute to it, i'd never do that. i suppose i just wanted my objection on record, and i was met with the response that i was mad for thinking like i did.

Cheap Thrills!

Not a bit unreasonable. They are fcuking nuts! :eek:

Maybe they are trying to curry favour with the guy? They must be hoping that he won't sack them if he sees their name on the card?

I hope to God that works out for them as they will be very bitter if he stabs them in the back with the line that 'it's just business'

A bit naive of them.

Beruthiel

bossproblem wrote: »

everyone that works there chipped in to buy the boss and his wife a weekend away.

Which of the brown nosers came up with that idea?
What will it be next year, a trip to Paris?
I've never heard anything that ridiculous, especially in these recessionary times. The fact that the boss is loaded and can most likely afford a trip away more than you is just adding insult to injury.
In fact, were I put in that position, I'd refuse to cough up my hard earned cash on principle!
No offence OP, but your hubbys an eejit for being peer pressured like this. It's utterly inappropriate.
Think I'd be ranting for some time if my hubby ever made such a blunder.

I know my boss 10 years, he's never gotten a rex from any of us. The whole office does a silly, cheap kris kringle and that's it.

Miss OMMC

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Not a bit unreasonable. They are fcuking nuts! :eek:

Maybe they are trying to curry favour with the guy? They must be hoping that he won't sack them if he sees their name on the card?

I hope to God that works out for them as they will be very bitter if he stabs them in the back with the line that 'it's just business'

A bit naive of them.

+1

I'd be seriously annoyed! In fact I'm getting annoyed just thinking about it!

pollypocket10

No you're not being unreasonable at all. Your OH probably knows how wrong this too which may be why he is being defensive/argumentative.

Try to see it from his POV though. He's out of work and there is a vague possibility that he might get an opportunity for some in the new year from this guy. He probably feels it is best to keep on his good side and make the sacrifice.

I was just made redundant around this time last year myself so I know it's a tough time. Don't worry about what other people have (however seemingly unfair it is), try to enjoy the simple things and have a lovely Christmas.

Wagon

Fúck that. do you really think your man was telling the truth about maybe giving out a few new jobs in the new year? He only said that to seem like the good guy at the time. And from what you've described of your boss, i wouldn't trust the bollix with anything he said.

Some lickarse thought of this one, so just say you aren't taking any part in it. And tell your husband to look elsewhere for work. I know it's bloody hard at the moment but imagine how bad he'd feel if the boss didn't hire him again after he pitched in for a holiday? Hell of a lot worse.

Corkblowin

Ok - declaration first - I am a 'boss' (hate the term but there we go). And over the last 2 years we've let 90% of our staff go (construction industry!). I know that the impression was that we are grand and the staff are shagged, but thats not how it goes. In our case we kept people on longer than was economically sensible - paying for it out of our own pockets - in the hope that things would improve. Often the employers are the ones who are really screwed - no dole for example when things do go wallop.

Having said all that - there is no way on earth the staff should be getting anything for the boss at christmas - even in the good times that was unheard of! I've never come across anything so ridiculous in my life and I'd be sick if it happened to me.

Tell your husband to get out while he has some respect for himself left, because by accepting it the boss has shown he's none for them.

LittleBook

You're not being at all unreasonable, it's the most absurd thing I've heard in a long time. I've never bought a present for a boss and I've never worked for a boss who didn't give US a present (however small) at Christmas ... THAT'S how it works.

But as regards your husband ... he's just gotten laid off, he maybe got sucked into this, he probably knows you're right and I'm guessing it pains him to be reliant on such a dick for his future work ... so go easy on him, eh?

Fittle

I've worked for many, many bosses over the years and the most any of them have ever gotten out of the rest of the staff is a 10euro chris kindle thingy! That's just insane. And your hubby is insane for contributing to that 'collection'!

How much did each staff member contribute OP? I find it unbelievable that anyone would contribute to a gift like that for even the best boss in the world!! I'm not saying your hubby is lying Op but honestly, if any other staff member asked me to contribute towards a gift like that for a boss, I know exactly what I'd say! Are you sure lads who were made redundant for a couple of weeks contributed to this too????

Knasher

It's completely over the top and probably the idea of some brown nosier who is trying to impress the boss so that he won't be laid off instead. Of course unless the boss organized it himself this part isn't really his fault.

Of course he absolutely must be a bit of an ass if he is splashing the cash but pretends to be struggling when it comes to paying his employees.

I feel for your husband though, he probably doesn't want to pay but feels the chance of work will dry up if he doesn't attend and contribute. If it becomes the deciding factor (and by the sound of his boss it probably could) and he gets work out of it then it was 100% the right thing to do. So in the end it all comes down to how genuine the offer of work really was.

Glad I don't work for the guy though.

Miss Fluff

This is actually one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. Really.

tenchi-fan

How much money are we talking?

Your husband should chip in €20 max, and even then just because there's a small chance he could get his job back.

spinandscribble

Wow, thats daft. I can understand your hubby though he's probably having to deal with some brown nosers and trying to keep up with them to hopefully get his job back.

Its bad taste though to spend money like that when clearly things are really tight, especially for a man who is flush.

Dinge

I agree. It's an overgenerous present - like something from the Celtic Tiger at its worst. It sounds like a massive case of brown-nosing in the hope that the boss will employ people again in the new year.

Cheap Thrills!

The person who beggars belief in this whole scenario is the boss. What a parasite taking the holiday at all. If he was any way decent he should have raffled the gift as a prize to the employees and given the raffle proceeds to charity.

Did he accept the gift?

If so what a turd :mad:

strandroad

You're not unreasonable. It is a ridiculous idea. It's not like they chip in for the holiday to be raffled among all the staff, they actually fund their boss's holidays? Unbelievable!

LegacyUser

thanks boards people, i really was questioning my sanity last night, well my husband was really i suppose. i had no idea if other people did this, i've only ever done the kris kingle thing and there was a cap of a tenner on it. and one year i got my boss a bottle of wine because he fixed a flat tyre for me the week before.

i'd never tell him not to give the money, mainly i don't want the rest of the people who works with thinking i'm a shrew because i don't want to contribute. i have told him however that i'll be outside when they're making the presentation, i just wouldn't be able to look at it, or the boss's smug head. he (hubby) won't tell me how much it is, i've told him it's not to come out of our joint account and he's ok with that. just have to stay sober now in case i say anything. though i might mention something in passing if i get the boss's wife on her own. she's a bit of a lush so she won't remember in the morning, haha.

Toots

Op you should show your husband this thread! It's not your sanity that he should be questioning! I've never heard anything like this, it just seems totally insane. How can your husband seriously think this is ok???

LegacyUser

honestly i don't know. he has some sort of sense of beholding to the boss, and expects me to have it too. like we should be so grateful to the boss for putting food on the table that getting upset over christmas presents to thank him is madness. figure that. this isn't the first year they've got him something though, just that this year it's so much, i have the problem with. it just reflects so badly on them, the boss and his wife like.

Gone Fishin

Holy Cow! Does your husband work for Anglo??!! I think you are being perfectly reasonable in what you are saying. I wouldn't be buying anything at all this year.

OhMeOhMy

I do think that this was a very generous present. I totally understand why you are annoyed, I would feel the same, especially that your husbands future with the company is unsure and you must have all the financial worries associated with that also

I think though that you need to also understand this from your husband's perspective. He knows that his future is uncertain and by contributing to this present, he may feel that he is doing the normal thing done every year, thereby trying to maintain some order and normality in the area of work

It sounds like the people in the company and their relationship with the boss operates on a certain 'material basis.' More than one member of staff must get along very well with the boss and your husband may feel that, to be the one to go against the flow on this present buying may be reflected in his work opportunities in January, as this may be revealed to the boss by those who are friendliest with him

I don't think you can really do anything practical about it. It's done now and I think you need to try understanding why your husband went along with it

iguana

bossproblem wrote: »

he is having his work christmas party this weekend and in talking about it today it came up that everyone that works there chipped in to buy the boss and his wife a weekend away. inchadoney spa actually. i said that god that was flipping generous. all we ever got any boss i've ever had was a bottle of wine, or a secret santa thing, and that wasn't a weekend away a bit much. he thought i was being unreasonable.

I got this far and thought you were about to continue with; He thought I was being unreasonable because his boss is very generous and has given everyone a €1500 bonus this year and is providing a very nice Xmas dinner-party. In that case I could see why his staff wanted to get him a special xmas gift as a thank you but with what you've described I'm with you. This gift is ludicrous.

amdublin

Not unreasonable. Completely stupid.

Whoever came up with this idea is some idiot.

Saying that, your husband is in a difficult situation and probably had no real option but to go along with it.

My suggestion would be is to go along with it this year but if it comes up next year ask your husband to speak out about, and veto it as soon as it comes up.

Zen65

bossproblem wrote: »

it came up that everyone that works there chipped in to buy the boss and his wife a weekend away.

Let's pause here for a moment.

You have not given us the whole picture (well, fair enough, it's hard to do so on this forum) and the question you ask is entirely based on context rather than propriety.

In years gone by (before the schools asked that parents stop) it was common for my wife and I to send presents into the school for our kids' various teachers. The size of the present was not based on how much wealth the teachers had, nor how much they needed the present, but on how much extra effort they had put into teaching our kids. So, for example to the teacher that gave extra classes for free we gave relatively large gift vouchers (not extravagant, but say €50). To the teachers who did a good job on the 9-5 rota we gave a jar of chutney or some other small token gift.

It is very possible that your husband's boss has gone over-and-above the norm to try to retain his employees. You may not necessarily be aware of such efforts? Perhaps the staff have a better idea of the market in which they are operating. I deal regularly (through my work) with contractors who bid to do work at a loss in order to avoid having to let staff go. I have seen these bosses physically shed tears when I was unable to offer them other work, because they knew they would have to let staff go, and at this time of year that's tough for anyone to do.

It seems to me that if the staff all agreed to chip in for this present, and assuming they are not witless fools, they are probably aware that this boss has been as compassionate and hard-working as he can be to secure their employment. People do not volunteer to offer up money recklessly in the current environment, so it seems unlikely to me that they have all done so in this case.

Yes, the boss only offered a vague hope of employment post-Christmas. If he's dependent on winning contracts through tenders that's all he can do.

Yes, he may appear to have a big house and new cars, but I know many people who appeared to be wealthy during the good times but when the cold wind of the recession came it transpired that all of this "wealth" was a mere façade. It is common for senior company staff to feel they must portray an appearance of wealth in order to win work contracts. You might be surprised at how much of this man's house is owned by the banks, and how quickly these cars could be repossessed if he cannot secure work for the firm in 2011.

I don't know. None of us do. You have presented only a small snapshot of the situation and asked for our opinions and (predictably) people will say "hang the boss, he fired your husband". The real world is far more complex than that. I have a degree of faith that the people who know him best (the staff) must have some reason other than fear or trying to seek favour with him to have done what they did.

Of course I may be wrong, they may genuinely be just sheep.

Be at peace,

Z.