vile friends

LegacyUser

Just looking for some general advice here, I have been friends with this couple for 10 years lets call them jane and john, was friends with jane for about 2 years before she met him. We are all in our late 20s now and these 2 have turned out to be extremely vile people and not who I thought they were.

I wont go into too much detail but basically these 2 have caused me pure grief the last 2 years. First it started off with john tryn it on with me constantly, I told her this and of course she didn’t believe a word of it and threatned me. I cut ties with her after that but she txt me few days later sayin she dumped him, course 2 days later she was back with him and I was “forgiven” (her words- forgiven for what exactly?)

Then they two of them decided to have a baby, so they had a child, she asked me to be godmother and I said yes(itd had been a while since the argument and i wanted to just get on with things) , however 2 days after the birth got a text off her sayn “John doesn’t want u to b godmother”, I just said fine and then john started sendn these texts saying he wants me and he only had the baby for her etc. I told him to piss off basically and then he told my fiancé that I was texting that to him. Course I had the messages to prove it and he “deleated” the ones I apparantly sent him bla bla bla. This was never mentioned to Jane because she had a bad case of baby blues and was v fragile.

However now for no reason the two of them have been taking major crap about me. Apparantly im pregnant with twins and they are not my fiancés (im not preg n I never cheated), and we are getting married next year and according to them “we are only getting married to mend our relationship because I cheated” .(this coming from a couple who decided to have a baby after just getting back together) A few close friends of mine have told me that they heard it come from their mouths, and they would have no reason to lie.

Then last weekend I was out on a work night out and I walked into a pub and they were there, I ignored them as I was in no mood for their fake crap, so after bout half an hour I popped to the loo and when I was there she came in with some other girl and started taking about me saying “next time she saw me she would give me a hiding”, so I walked out of the booth and she was all “OMG hi hun didn’t know you were here” . I basically laid into her verbally and told her I wanted nothing more to do with her that she was a snake and I left.

Now since then ive had 5 take aways, 2 fire brigades and an ambulance come to my house and it doesn’t take a genius to work out whats going on. They are both blocked from my phone so they cant contact me but they know where I live, and ive a mortgage so movings not an option. The police said I cant blame them as I cant prove its them.

So can anyone give me any advice?

Reesy

The police say you can't prove it's them? I'm pretty sure the emergency services can see the calling number even if it's blocked.

Either way, I suggest you go back to the cops & make a formal complaint (remember, she threatened you in the pub toilets), so it's on record - and at the same time, try ignore these saddos. Get on with your life & have fun. If there's any more issues, tell the cops again.

Good luck.

Trekker09

Do you have any mutual pals? If so, it might be worth casually bringing it up with them to see if they've noticed any strange behavior. By all accounts the guy's a manipulative creep, but Jane is under his spell and is going to believe his side of the story.

Sending in the emergency services is a relatively serious crime so I would ask if there are any records of the calls that triggered them to call to your house.

Best of luck with it though, it's a tricky situation.

LegacyUser

Trekker09 wrote: »

Do you have any mutual pals? If so, it might be worth casually bringing it up with them to see if they've noticed any strange behavior. By all accounts the guy's a manipulative creep, but Jane is under his spell and is going to believe his side of the story.

Sending in the emergency services is a relatively serious crime so I would ask if there are any records of the calls that triggered them to call to your house.

Best of luck with it though, it's a tricky situation.

We have mutual friends yes and two of those friends were the ones that told us they are spreding stuff around about us (it sounds so teenagerish doesnt it- we are all late 20s for gods sake)

when the emergency services called(this is the sick part) it was because a woman had called crying saying her husband had beaten her, they gave my name and my partners. The call came from a phone box in the centre of town and theres no way of knowing who called as theres no cctv there. I ended up getting ate for timewasting and the police were called even tho i hadnt done anything.

i came home from work tonight and ordered a pizza for us and they refused to deliver because word had spread to all takeaways that my address was pranking people!

I swear im pulling my hair out here!!

johnboysligo

I suggest you try your very ultra best to ignore her and her (scumbag) boyfriend. responding in any way to them would probably add fuel to their already sad little rage.
But protect yourself if you receive more harassment make a note of the time and date and i would even go so far as to call the gardaí or your solicitor for advice on dealing with abuse like this.

They are pathetic beyond words


If i was in your position and this carry on continued i would call my local garda station ( not the emergency services number ) and ask is there any one you could make an appointment with and explore some way to stop this.
be kind and polite to any gardai (regardless if they throw their hands up in the air) you speak with and they will try their best to help

Trekker09

I would contact your local takeaways and ask to meet up with the manager. Explain the situation with them and decide on a password that you can use when ordering so they know it's genuine. This will flag any hoax calls which you can bring to the attention of the Gardai. It will highlight to them that you are taking this seriously and are being pro-active in doing something about it. Also, am I right in thinking that takeaways often ask for a number when taking an order?

This may seem extreme, but is easy to do and at least you are fighting back and trying to take positive action.

Miss Fluff

I actually think you would benefit from seeking legal advice here. You're being harrassed. Perhaps a strongly worded letter and a formal complaint to the police (on the advice of your solicitor) is the way to go. These people are obviously dangerous so I'd be bringing in the heavy artillary if I were you as I think from the sounds of it this has the potential to get very serious.

Pebbles68

OP you poor thing. You have now seen how low they will go in an attempt to torment you. As difficult as it is the truth will come out in time; when your twins don't appear. People will eventually see them for what they are.
Keep a record of absolutely everything that happens, make a point of reporting it in your local garda station. Even if there isn't enough evidence you can report what is happening to you. Eventually they will slip up and leave evidence.
You can never win by playing their game so if you do bump into them again don't let on anything is happening and certainly don't allow yourself be dragged into a slagging match. Don't let onto the mutual friends what is happening and how it is effecting you. They'll report back to "jane and john" and it will encourage them to keep it up.
As with any bully if they don't get the response they are looking for they'll move onto the next victim.

Abi

Reesy wrote: »

The police say you can't prove it's them? I'm pretty sure the emergency services can see the calling number even if it's blocked.

Either way, I suggest you go back to the cops & make a formal complaint (remember, she threatened you in the pub toilets), so it's on record - and at the same time, try ignore these saddos. Get on with your life & have fun. If there's any more issues, tell the cops again.

Good luck.

This ^^


These sound like very toxic people. After the first incident of him coming on to you, and her not believing you.. I would have left them to it after that, tbph.

As Reesy said though, I'm sure the number would have been recorded when the calls were made. If you see them when you are out, don't even utter a word or look in their direction, if this aggitates them into approaching you, then notify a bouncer / the management.

One thing I've learned is if a relationship gets in the way of my friendships, I walk away. She decided to side with her loser bloke.. if she wasn't such a bitch I'd pity her. Its only a matter of time, but he will cheat on her. These pair deserve each other.

astra2000

Op firstly stay calm, dont over react and give them the reaction that they want. Stop mentioning this to any of your mutual friends who may inadvertently let it slip to this horrible pair, that it is getting to you. Each time you get an unwanted delivery/emergency response report it to the police and let them deal with it, I would have thought that hoax calls to 999 are taken seriously. As for the takeaways when next you want to order one do as trekker advised or pay in advance when you order so that they know it is a genuine order. Leave them to it, after all it cant be much fun in this weather heading off to a cold phonebox and if thats how they choose to spend their time let them.
They want to annoy you, they want to know they are getting to you, so do not give them what they want, if you come across them socially or otherwise dont react, continue doing what you were doing and keep a big smile on your faces, why not say hello in passing that would surely throw them?
Best of luck op

Copper23

Aweful situation. I'm very sorry.

Just take everyone's advice here, stay VERY calm. Go to the guards and see if you can make a statement, at least it is on record, if more things happen or it gets worse at least you have a prior record of it.

As someone said, I'm sure emergency services would have the callers ID and if a takeaway arrives, find out who called. Usually they have a number to call where they are delivering, most will take the callers ID, check to see if they will help you out if you explain the situation I'm sure they will be understanding as it is effecting their business too and will want to catch prank callers.

The main thing is keep calm and don't retaliate. Just do the right things and continue to just stay away from them as much as you can. Even if they text you don't even reply to say piss off anymore, just no reply, with some of these people the more they see they get a reaction the more they enjoy it.

Beyond that I'd just like to offer the advice to try your best to not to let them under your skin. I know what its like when people start aweful rumours about you and at the time you think it is the worst thing possible and that they are telling everyone.

In my case, while it wasn't nice for a while, people began to come around. I'm sure some people hear the rumours and are like "Oh wow!" at first but then they will realise somethings up.
If this couple is constantly saying things then people will realise they are the ones who are not right, if this is their way, then they are probably doing and saying similar things to others and most "normal" people will realise they are the ones with the problem.

In my particular case I got upset at first that people were hearing such awful things about me and I could defend myself. in the end most of those people actually spoke to me again and just said "Look, we heard x and x from X, we knows it's not true so don't be worried, that person is not right, we know what they are like".

At the end of the day, if this is their nature, other people will see it too and take things they say with a pinch of salt.

angry_fox

Reesy wrote: »

The police say you can't prove it's them? I'm pretty sure the emergency services can see the calling number even if it's blocked.



Good luck.

Unfortunately in the OP case you can make a 999 call from a mobile phone with no sim card in it and this make it impossible to trace.

johnboysligo

angry_fox wrote: »

Unfortunately in the OP case you can make a 999 call from a mobile phone with no sim card in it and this make it impossible to trace.

not exactly true if it was from a mobile phone than the imei code has to be valid to interface with any irish network and the broadcast could be tracked down to what ever mast the phone used. But no one is going to go check that kind of stuff out unless something really serious happens ( murder / death treats / terrorism ) but then theres also phone booths still around in a few places.

In the op's case she just needs to note every single incident so that if someone does try to find out who is responsible she can at least give them a time and date to work from.