What should I do?

LegacyUser

Back in April I was seeing this girl. She lives in Dublin and I don't. While we were starting to get close together, I found out that she was severely depressed and had spent some months in a psychiatric hospital. This didn't bother me too much, as I know what it's like to be dealing with these issues - I have had to fight my inner demons on many occasions and on some of these they almost claimed me. I started to realise that she was becoming more and more depressed, it came to a point where I had to get in contact with the Samaritans to ask what I should do. It was at that point I realized that I couldn't wait around for her to kill herself, which at the time I thought I was doing, as she had told me on multiple occasions that she would.

Thankfully she didn't and, while we're not involved in that way, I fear that she still has strong feelings for me. Recently she has began to sink back into depression, with her suicidal tendencies coming back again. It's so hard for me to help her when I have to deal with my own problems too. I don't know what to do, if I should tell her to cool it down or to just go with it. I worry that if I do tell her to cool it down, she'll suddenly decide to end it.

Miss Fluff

I am in a very similar position to yourself. While you want to be kind and supportive, you have to remember why you decided not to progress with the relationship in the first place. While you can offer her your friendship you do need to perhaps restate the boundaries (in a very kind way). So by that I mean don't answer every phonecall. Don't be so available to her. And perhaps gently tell her while that you are very fond of her, you are probably not best placed to help her (like a professional would) because you have your own issues to deal with.

I feel for you. I really cared for the person I was with but just wasn't in a position to give them the unwavering support that they needed. I could envisage it becoming an unhealthy dependency-based relationship (with me in the role of Florence Nightengale) and while it upset me calling a halt to it all, I do know it was the right decision.

Keep in mind why you put a stop to it.

LegacyUser

I would recommend you ask her if she has given some form of therapy or counseling another go and maybe make some effort to support her as a friend though it.

If she really wants to kill herself there isn't a lot you can do. Ask her how shes feeling and if she is really that so far down in the pits of her depression that she really considers suicide an option than you can as a concerned friend ask her to explore some kinda of mental health professional route to combat her depression.

of course this all depends on how open and honest she cares to be with you and you would have to try your best to put the idea in her head without trying to sound like you just want to help / rather she pissed off and explained her problems to someone else.


You should most definitively not tell her what to do something like "get help" or "you tie the knot this way" are probably the worst things you could tell a depressed person. plant the idea that help is out there a solution is there and death is not the only way out.

that's just my two cent on the matter but be kind and tactful above all else. She wouldn't like to find out her ex boyfriend couldn't care less about her feelings.