I've really messed up with a bully! Advice?

cooltown

I am an 18 year old lad and I am being bullied at school over many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space. Dy in day out I receive taunts off people and get hit and I just grin and bear it even tough it's ripping me on the inside.
Today I was going up the stairs and this guy was pilling my bag and throwing it on the ground and calling me a ******. About 75% of the way up I was like stop and he said no fag! So I grabbed His head just to push him away and I pushed him into the wall by mistake. Then after lunch I started to hear he had a lump on his head and I know there's going to be trouble now because I know his mam will come into the school with all guns blazing. I am never in trouble in scool never have being not a detetion or anything!
Any advice on what I should do?

prinz

Do nothing. Or approach a teacher and explain the situation first.

curlzy

YOu need to tell your parents / principal / teachers what's been going on. The fact you're being called a "fag" will defo make the school take note, they're mad into PC (and rightly so in that environment) so they'll listen. Above all get some help to deal with this. Don't ever think what they're saying is true. You're not a waste of space and you're not a bad person. Also there's 100% NOTHING WRONG with being gay, they're idiots and the big bad world will chew them up if they try and pull that **** when they're done in school. So yeah get some help. Also come back here for support if needed, you'll always get a friendly ear here. Best of luck.

CdeC

you stood up for yourself, you should be proud. If anything happens with teachers and parents then just explain that you're being bullied. Until then say nothing and do nothing and do not apologise. Remember noone has the right to call you names or harass you and he got what he deserved

trio

If you've reached the age of 18 and never been in trouble at school then I doubt you'd get into much trouble now if they know how much provocation you've endured. They presumably know you're normally a good and respectful student.

But if his mother does come in and you get asked down to the office, make sure that you tell of the bullying. In detail.

They may give you a talking to on self-control, but I think they'll be more concerned about the bullying. With regards to detention, it does not harm your third level prospects so don't make it larger than it is.

But bear in mind that I doubt he'll say anything to his family - unless he's very stupid he'll realise that you'll sing like a canary about his bullying. So quite possibly he'll keep it quiet.

However, regardless of whether he says anything or not, you're not even at Christmas and you're being bullied. What if he doesn't stop? You CANNOT endure it until the summer. So you may have to report the bullying anyway - just to stop it.

Knasher

Firstly OP I want to say well done, one of my greatest regrets in life (and I have many) is that I didn't have the guts to stand up to the people who were bulling me. By far the most probable outcome is that nothing happens, having his mam come into school to protect him would be a major embarrassment at his age, it would probably hurt him more than anything you could actually do.

If it comes to that then you just need to be calm and honest. Explain that you didn't mean to hurt him, but that he was bulling you and you simply tried to defend yourself.

As far as I see it there are two possible outcomes, the best is that he is the type of bully that is really a coward. He leaves you alone and you can simply get on with your life. If this is the path he takes then I'd advise you to just ignore him.

The worst outcome is escalation, its possible that he will perceve it as a loss of social standing and try to get back at you in order to regain his status. If this happens then you absolutely need to get help as it can go way too far. Advice from your parents would probably be your best bet.

cooltown

Thanks!
I am actually kind of happy I fought back no matter what they say me. It might sound stupid but I am not really sorry because for the first time in ages he said nothing to me. Which to me was great.

bearhugs

As people have already posted, please don't feel like you've done anything wrong, if you explain the situation to a teacher you feel comfortable talking to it will be sorted out. No one has the right to make you feel like that.

You've never been in trouble in school before, the school will listen to you and help you any way they can. If it were me, I would go to a teacher first thing in the morning. That would make you feel better straight away, you wouldn't be waiting for that persons mother or whoever to come in and for you to be called in to explain. Also, the teachers will be more prepared to deal with the situation. Chin up

ebbsy

Fair play.

tenchi-fan

I don't condone violence but seeing as it was an accident it sounds like he got what was coming to him.

If there were no witnesses the best thing you can do is deny everything. Teachers are always trying to get a confession by coaxing and coercing and the only way to win is to play dumb. Suggest "he must have lost his balance when he was swinging out of my bag", but tell the headmaster that you didn't see what happened and you don't know how he banged his head.

Secondary school is a horrible place. I know how you feel, OP. I was bullied day in and day out as well. The thing with bullies is that whatever they mock you about is what they are most worried about in themselves.

Approach the principal and tell them that he is bullying you. Most schools will have severe anti-bullying policies, especially after the recent suicides in both England and America due to bullying and the public outcry those caused, so they will likely do whatever they can do.

If not, I would look to go over them and possibly talk to whoever is above your principal.

Oh and OP, no matter what they say - always remember that you are a better person than they will ever become.

Rebelheart

cooltown wrote: »

I am an 18 year old lad and I am being bullied at school over many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space. Dy in day out I receive taunts off people and get hit and I just grin and bear it even tough it's ripping me on the inside.
Today I was going up the stairs and this guy was pilling my bag and throwing it on the ground and calling me a ******. About 75% of the way up I was like stop and he said no fag! So I grabbed His head just to push him away and I pushed him into the wall by mistake. Then after lunch I started to hear he had a lump on his head and I know there's going to be trouble now because I know his mam will come into the school with all guns blazing. I am never in trouble in scool never have being not a detetion or anything!
Any advice on what I should do?

Talk to your class tutor or, better still usually, year head or deputy principal. Make it clear to them that this is part of a pattern of abuse. If possible, have details of previous bullying. When you're the subject of bullying, having records makes it much, much easier for the school to get rid of the offender.

You might be overlooking the behind-the-scenes politics here: students who have a record of bullying and disruptive behaviour also have more enemies in the school management and, moreover, those school managers are secretly (and often not so secretly) waiting to put the boot in to a student who has made their jobs much more difficult over a long period. Now, this is particularly true where a parent tends to support their child at every turn. A bullying or disruptive student who has a parent who has made life difficult for the school hasn't many friends on the school staff. The school management, however, would absolutely love to have your evidence to get rid of the fúcker and his parent. This is why schools are now putting cameras into classes to build up a solid case against disruptive students so that they can be decisively removed from the school without their parents exhausting the school with appeals.

Given that you've a clean slate, there should be more than the requisite number of people in the school management who can help you. You just have to act, take control of this situation, empower yourself. The worst thing you can do is say nothing. Remember: most teachers and students in Irish secondary schools now know the story of Phoebe Prince and are told in SPHE, CSPE and every school charter without exception that bullying is not acceptable. In 2010, no school is going to risk not acting upon this. There will always be more than enough people in the average staff room who would want to help you. Everything is on your side. But you have to speak up NOW - otherwise nobody knows and nobody can help you.

Go n-éirí an t-ádh leat/ Best of luck.

Fittle

Best of luck in school today OP, and fair play for standing up to that idiot. You should really tell someone what's going on however, whether it's a teacher, your folks or someone who can actually help you sort this problem.

If I was your mum (I'm old enough unfortunately :rolleyes:), I'd really want you to tell me or your dad...just so that they could get you the supports you need to deal with this issue. And if I was that moron's mum, I'd bang his head off the wall too (not that I condone violence of course;))

Best of luck OP, and be proud of yourself!

blackbird98

cooltown wrote: »

Thanks!
I am actually kind of happy I fought back no matter what they say me. It might sound stupid but I am not really sorry because for the first time in ages he said nothing to me. Which to me was great.

don't worry about it, and well done for standing up for yourself.

Maybe it will also give you the confidence to smack the little bast*** the next time he opens his mouth!!!

AnonoBoy

If his mother complains then as others have stated tell the headmaster everything that this guy has done and/or said to you. And I mean everything. Detail every single little thing - let his mother know what her precious son gets up to when he's out of her sight.

It's funny how quickly these "tough" guys go crying to their mammy when they get a taste of their own medicine.

Wolfe Tone

lol, what a coward, he is gonna get his mammy in!

Mussolini, do you really think that is helpful?

Wolfe Tone

Just to be clear I was directing my scorn at the bully who has now gone crying to his mammy, a pathetic bunch all together.

I have had experiences with bullies before, they are all the same. OP, in my experience the best way to deal with those type of people is what you did. The teachers all know you are a good lad. Look at it this way, the bully got beat up by the guy who he has been making fun of all the time, and has ran to his mother, what a pathetic character. I presume he is 18 as well, or thereabouts. I dont see how he could get is mother in and not get a gargantuan amount of slagging.

Silverfish

MUSSOLINI that was not particularly helpful to the OP, please keep replies on-topic and helpful to the OP.

boneyarsebogman please leave the moderating to the mods please.

Thanks.

cooltown

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

AnonoBoy

cooltown wrote: »

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

Good stuff.

Keep the head up - things get a lot better when you leave school, believe me.

Trekker09

OP my concern is that you haven't dealt with the long term bullying. My heart goes out to you having to go through this every day, I had to put up with it in the workplace for a number of years and at the time it realy took it's toll. You need to discuss this with somebody in authority and devise a strategy to tackle it head on. Most bullies rely on the person being bullied keeping it to themselves and that is where their power lies. As previously mentioned, bullies are cowards, but will carry on unless tackled.
Good luck to you, but remenber that the more action you take, teh better yuo will feel about it in the future, and you'll be surprised at the amount of support you'll receive.