Girlfriend advice

LegacyUser

Hi all,
So my question is probably about my relationship with my girlfriend.

We've been going out for about a year. She is a beautiful girl and I love her very much. So I'll just try to explain a few things which are on my mind.

Firstly, I live and work in America on a work visa. When I moved here it was to take up an opportunity I was given. My attitude at the time was always that I would come here, take the opportunity thinking sure it will be a great thing on my CV and I can always return home in a few years when I want. I like it here but I always imagined myself coming home eventually. Maybe not right now but down the line. She is obviously another major factor now in that mix. While I like it here I can't imagine settling down over here, maybe that will change but I don't know, its difficult to say right now.

I feel she would be sort of open down the line to coming to Ireland. Probably not right now but maybe down the line a little which would be fine. There is no definites though. That brings in other factors. Much like myself I wonder if she was to be open to it how well she'd fit in and like it. What if she decided to come but then realised it as a mistake and missed her friends/family too much, sort of like I feel at time here.

Thats one thing. Other things are that how well we sync up. We are both pretty busy with work and other stuff. I know I can end up working the occasional late night and sometimes get pulled into working weekends. Its difficult but she's ok with it. She is quite busy too. She often has to work late and has lots of papers to write and stuff but it makes it difficult too. Usually my free time is weekends. I suppose I like to sleep in sometimes and I enjoy going out at night at the weekends. She isn't really up for that. She is difficult to get to come out, she often likes to just stay in and rest or write her papers, while I like to go out but its more the trend over here to get up early and go to brunch and stuff. Its just difficult. I like to rest and go out at night but if I do she doesn't want to come but wants to do stuff early the next day. We just have different styles.

I often go out with my friends and their girlfriends on nights out and I'm always being asked where my girlfriend is and the answer is that she is at home. I don't like it but in the back of my mind I'm thinking, ya know, she is my girlfriend, I like going out but this isn't much fun if my girlfriend isn't going to come. At the same time its at the back of my mind how I'm gonna have to be up at the dawn to go do things she wants to do, why cant she join us sometimes.

I try to be as understanding as possible but it's difficult.

If I'm totally honest, I've had some aweful relationships before and I always get tense this long into a relationship. She is very different in the sense that she is pretty good to me and there is never much fuss with her. I know longterm she would be a good person to spend my life with but often I wish she'd just stop being so tired and wanting to spend time at home. We are still young. One example was last weekend, we went to see a movie, so did my roomie and his girlfriend and we had a load of friends meeting up later in the night but when they went out she just wanted to go home. I was disappointed but did as she liked. Later they all came home and were talking and making a little noise while she was trying to sleep. It was a case where I can't win. She is mad at them coming home late making noise and wants me to say something but at the same time it was the weekend and we stood them up, if we just went to meet them we'd have been there chatting away when we came home but she just didn't want to. My roomie didn't really do much wrong so he'd be mad too if I told them to stop.

I dunno. There's just a lot on my mind. While I love her very much I sometimes wonder where is the line where you just love someone for who they are and compromise in a relationship and then the side where as much as you love to person you are just different and longterm it might just make you unhappy.

Is that a really weird problem? Probably. I dunno really.

Any opinions obviously welcome.

Wompa1

If she doesn't like drinking then she would most likely have to go out sober. I think it's a big ask for someone to have to hang around with people that are pretty much strangers and are drunk.

She's not getting in the way of you going out so don't see a huge problem. If you have issue with getting up early to do stuff then tell her. If it's a problem for her than talk it out and if you break up you break up.

Personally I am more of the type of person that likes to get up early and do stuff rather than go out and sleep in, wake up hungover and do nothing. Living in Ireland it's very difficult to go out sober and it's annoying that all people seem to want to do is drink

ManOfMystery

To be honest, it sounds like she's a nice person, you're a nice person, but that doesn't instantly mean you're both compatible. And compatibility counts for a LOT in a relationship.

If it's annoying you now that you like going out and doing certain things which she doesn't, it's only likely to get worse as you get older and more settled together.