Wrong direction - turn back now?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Going unregistered for this post so I hope you don't mind. Well to give you a quick summary, I've been with my girlfriend for just over a year - first real girlfriend to be honest. Met in college, she's asian and here to study. I never felt attracted to her until someone told me she fancied me. I acted on what I thought she felt and we became a couple rather fast..within a few days really. We're both very alike, which has it's good and bad points.

We can have a laugh together, but when it comes to talking, she just seems to complain constantly, or ignore what I say if it's a positive for me (e.g. if I tell her I got X amount extra in wages) - she changes topic almost straight away to something about her. She's very sensitive too, cries if someone says a bad word about her. As she's an only child, she was spoilt back home and naturally she expects something of the same here..but I can only do so much (i.e. spending money on her, which she's a bit obsessed with). We're both apart due to college placement programs until next term but talk every day. When I speak about going to visit my family for a few days she gets narky and insists I should be visiting her instead. The fact she isn't fluent in english also brings it's own problems too.

Recently, I've met a girl that I work with and I get 'that feeling'. You know, when you see them you're heart beats a little faster and you constantly get lost in her eyes. I've never got that with my girlfriend. She constantly tells me she loves me but I don't feel like I actually love her back. Like I said, she's very emotional and I had tried to end it about 7 months ago but she couldn't take not being together and seeing me every day at college (it's a very small college and we're in the same class so it's almost impossible not to meet).

However, I feel like it's wrong to tell someone that I love them when I don't feel like I'm saying it from the heart. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. I keep telling myself it will work, but doubt perseveres. I'm afraid that if I was to end things she would leave the course and I would have that weight on my shoulders.

I'm just lost. Can anyone please send me in the right direction?

C.

LegacyUser

confused21 wrote: »

it's wrong to tell someone that I love them when I don't feel like I'm saying it from the heart.

C.

In my opinion you just about summed it up there, I was in a similar situation 2 years ago, i didnt really love the girl i was with , but it dragged on for months when I knew it was going nowhere . She realised it too after a while.
Letting it continue when my heart wasnt in the relationship was a waste of my time and hers, something i am deeply sorry for now as we were great friends but not lovers. And as you say you dont get "that feeling" with your girlfriend IMO its a sign you really dont love her.

Zeouterlimits

Sounds like you need to let this girl go OP, a year into the relationship, a one-sided love, you 'have a laugh together', all these things point to a complete unbalance in the relationship, that you should break up with her for both your sakes.

OhMeOhMy

You won't have the weight of her leaving the course on your shoulders if she does decide to do that. That would be her decision completely and breaking up with her is one of many variables which may or may not cause that