pregnant and feeling alone in the relationship

LegacyUser

Hi all, i'll try to make sense of this as I write to get my point/feelings/concerns across!

I'm currently 6mths pregnant with mine and my partners 1st child. I have one child from a previous relationship. I work full time as a nurse and requires some 12hr shifts and night shifts.

I feel like i'm not being supported by my partner at all throughout this pregnancy. I have opened up to him on my first pregnancy and being a single parent with postnatal depression, it was a horrible time, but as I got deeper into that time he put on his voice which says 'ok that's too much' and I feel stupid for telling him and admitting that I am not perfect and felt vulnerable.

He doesn't appreciate me as a pregnant person and person, he is always arguing with me about money and how I have to earn my keep and pay every penny. I feel like the pressure is just too much and i'm slightly depressed and so stressed its starting to effect my work and possibly putting my pregnancy at risk. As if being at work isn't stressful enough as it is being such a physical job and on my feet all day. But I don't get any sympathy. He feels I should be grateful because he says he's not going to leave me and that he drives me wherever I need and want to go, I can't afford a car at the moment as i'm saving for one.

I've stressed to him I need help in getting a car and could he please help me get one, I've lost count of how many times i've cried because I just want some help in setting myself up and not having to rely on him but he then said he had no money which was a bare faced lie, I gave him 500eu toward his loans etc and he then goes on nights out up the country getting drunk as mule and leaving me here just feeling alone and taken the piss out of. He now is saying i'm not getting the 500 back until I backpay on rent which i supposedly owe. Its like getting blood out of stone for maternity clothes.

He doesn't understand at all and I don't think he ever will. a car is for the family.

Its other little things that I get down about, we need things for the baby yet he says he cant afford but his mother will pay for. he wouldn't dream of letting anyone pay his car so why for his child. it's like its not important enough to buy himself, he then says that I need to go shopping with his mom so she can buy the baby things and tbh I think its a bit like begging and would feel embarrassed being taken shopping on someone elses bankcard.

he said he would give up alcohol during my pregnancy to show his support but he hasn't, if anything he is sacrificing our relationship for the sake of going out. If we ever argue about this he just goes off out the door and leaves me here for the weekend really upset and I end up saying I don't want this relationship if this is how he shows how little he thinks of the relationship and he says he'll talk to me when he's ready after his boozing and having a good time.

I'm starting to lose faith in pretty much everything and just want to leave but I can't cos of the life i've built here for me and my son.

He says he loves me but when I get upset, I get really upset and it just comes out explosive and I do say hurtful things, I just want to be listened to but its falling on deaf ears.

Kimia

Sounds awful OP. Doesn't even sound like there's any love there. Why would you bring your son and new baby into this toxic atmosphere? He doesn't bring anything to the table so you've nothing to lose by leaving him.

LegacyUser

Well he came back from a party last night very drunk and assaulted me.The Garda were called etc, slept through my alarm and have missed work so it's all one big mess at the moment.
I did tell him early on in the night to find another place to sleep for the night but he wouldn't listen.

He apologised this morning saying he was deeply sorry and it was totally out of his character.

I also feel that I am part to blame as we argued all day, both winding each other up. I did say some nasty things. maybe it is time to walk away.

seenitall

OP, your post is heart-breaking.

Your relationship is not only utterly toxic, it is also emotionally OVER.

Your needs are being ignored, you are not loved or cared about at your most vulnerable time of life, you are being made feel like a burden and a nag by the very person on whom you should be able to rely for all the help and support needed, including the financial one. Your OH is behaving as if it is not even his child you are carrying, while treating you with as much care as he would an abolute stranger - an absolute disgrace! :mad:

I'm sorry, OP, but this guy's behaviour is a huge, tell-tale sign that he, actually, couldn't give a toss about either you or his baby.

I really hope that in time you will be able to pick yourself up from this awful relationship, although of course, the sooner the better. Also, I really hope you have some kind of support from someone in your own family (for example) otherwise it is all going to be a very long and lonely road indeed.

This is the time to call on support from the people who DO care about you, OP. Please start doing so, for your own and your children's sake.

All the very best to you and your children.

Chinafoot

Pregmess wrote: »

I also feel that I am part to blame as we argued all day, both winding each other up. I did say some nasty things.

No amount of arguing can possibly justify this guy assaulting you. You are carrying his child for gods sake!! Do not put the blame on yourself. Its a slippery slope OP, and you need to make a stand now before things get completely out of hand.

Pregmess wrote: »

maybe it is time to walk away.

There's no maybe about it. He assaulted you. You're 6 months pregnant with his child. No amount of alcohol or winding up can ever excuse that.

Pregmess wrote:

He feels I should be grateful because he says he's not going to leave me

I'm sorry OP, but this guy is a complete and utter pig. You should be grateful he's not going to leave you?! Did you get pregnant by yourself? No you didn't. He is not prepared to be your partner and that is not a situation you or your children should be in. From the sound of things, your financial situation will get even worse when the baby arrives. How does expect you to pay this rent he claims you owe or front his nights out when you're at home on maternity leave trying to support your baby? If he was any sort of decent human at all he'd realise that you're supposed to be in this together and that you are supposed to a family that supports each other.

Please, please think about your children. He assaulted you. You need to get out of that environment. Tell your friends and family whats been going on and let them give you the support you need to break away from this pathetic and disgusting person.

Cheap Thrills!

He's a loser OP. Very bad sign when a man is mean with money. Never mind that he's assaulted you while you are pregnant. Press charges against him, he is nothing but a scumbag. Get rid of him.