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LegacyUser

Hey,

So, was seeing a guy for a few months, for the first month we were in teh same country, the rest (6mths) long distance.

So I started off reluctant about getting involved having experienced LD's before, he was more up for it. Anyhow, fast forward to last week when he told me he wasn't going to put his heart into it more than he had cos realistically there was no future there (neither of us could live in the same country for about 3/4years). So, whilst I had been thinking the same thing all along (no future), I was surprised by how hurt I felt and decided that that, coupled with his telling me he was finding the distance hard cos he was more lonely now than when single, I called it off.

He told me for definite if the circumstances were different he'd want to try it for real, but at the mo, he just can't do the distance, and I agreed completely that I'd like to give it a shot if we were in teh same country or if the distance would end soon.

Anyhow, before leaving he said he'd give it his all, put his heart into it for the next 2 months and see if maybe he'd change his mind about wanting to try.

So, a week after he goes home, we're both drunk and we get in a row...well, mostly I start getting jealous and storm offline whilst he's confused (of course now I'm insecure and jealous cos I know his heart isn't in it). Sure enough, in the wee hours of the morning he sends the break up email and tells me he can't emotionally attach because of the distance, best for both of us, best wishes with life.

He defriended me on facebook and blocked me on chat....I know it's teh logical move, but part of me feels so hurt and I'm taking it as personal - a sign that he doesn't want to talk to me again. Is this true? I had hoped that maybe as I'm home for Xmas we'd both be over the breakup and could hang out as friends, and maybe start a friendship that would possibly lead to something more if our living arrangements changed. That's what I thought he wanted....has he changed his mind, was it just something he said as part of the break up routine?

I don't have much experience in break ups, I got hurt pretty bad a few years ago from a long termer (we'd been dating 5yrs), and he was the first guy I liked in a while... I know i have a tendancy to over-think things...can anyone tell me does this mean he doesn't want to hear from me/be friends in the future has he changed how he feels about me, or did he really mean what he said at all? Btw we're in our mid-20's

WhodahWoodah

OP you're creating a lot of turmoil for yourself here when your ex's actions couldn't really be clearer. If he wanted to build a platonic friendship with you he wouldn't have blocked you - pure and simple. It looks like he's decided that a clean break is better for him (might be for you too OP) and so he's decided to create one.

In fairness, the way he's gone about it is a bit cr@p. Email to break up, blocking you on FB without explaining his decision to you - these are all pretty cowardly. I know you haven't had long together, but still, I'm a believer in breaking up in person or in your long distance case, by phone or Skype at least!

I think you're going to have to accept his decision and move on with things. Have a look around where you actually live and see if you can't find yourself someone to distract you.

Also you said you were surprised by how hurt you felt when he did this. You might want to have a think about whether you were hurt because of your feelings for him, or were you hurt because you just got a kick in the ego? I don't mean that in a bad way, but sometimes in a break-up, the fact of the rejection is worse than the fact that you will no longer be in a relationship with this person. Lick your wounds, give yourself a bit of TLC for a little while, and then when you're feeling a bit less sore about things go find Mr Right Here!!

DO NOT email / phone / send repeated FB friend requests or messages to the ex. Especially if drunk or upset! He doesn't want to be in touch. It's cr@p but you've got to respect his wishes. Anything else you do is self-flagellation and will result in you feeling worse as you're only giving him more and more opportunities to reject you!

whatsamsn

Not much you can do op.

What you have experienced is what alot of people have had when going long distance. Its just the way it is. Majority of the time long distance relationships just dont work. For every one that does theres a hell of a lot more that dont.


Just chalk it up to a bad experience and move forward.

SparkyTech

Hi OP,

It does sound like your BF couldn't cope with the concept of a long term relationship and the row you both had was the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak. However, I think you both knew in your own hearts for a while that what you had was beginning to fizzle out. Needles to say - breaking up with someone by email is a bit cowardly and If I was cutting it off with someone id do it face to face or at the very least a phone call.

However, by blocking you on FB he has made his intentions plainly known. He doesn't want you as part of his life anymore. Rejection sucks but all of us have experienced someone that has cut us out of our life rather then having a platonic or acquaintance friendship instead.

Don't send him any more FB adds/messages or try and contact him. Give yourself some time to heal the scars, surround yourself with friends, keep yourself busy. Time is a great healer.

Best wishes

LegacyUser

Hey guys thanks for all your replies,

That's what i thought - if he wanted me in his life in the future, he'd have kept some sort of 'lets keep in touch' line, either through saying it, or keeping me on facebook. It sucks because SparkyTech, what we had wasn't starting to fizzle out, in fact, it was getting stronger each time we met up, but it was getting more frustrating for him not to be able to see me when he wanted...at least that's what he told me, that he didn't want to fall in love with this much distance and it'd be better cutting it now to stop later pain.

I've no intention of sending drunk emails/texts...besides the first email I sent (sober) just after his breakup email to say that's fine, long distance rarely works and good luck.

I still have some of his stuff so I might end up texting him just to give it back...yeah I know, part of me hopes that'll give him an excuse to say look, sorry for the way i did it, want to be friends in a while....

god rejection is sucky, especially when he was the one pushing to keep in touch when face to face.

WhodahWoodah: your right, some of this is ego - I hate that it was me that from the start was reluctant to pursue, but him that finally started thinking of the probs of distance and cut it off just when I was starting to think ok, I really like him I want to try.....but a big part is that I really believed he liked me as much back, and I know that had the distance not been a factor, I would have started to trust and fall in love with him....but with his actions now, I'm starting to doubt that he felt the way he told me...that even had distance not been a factor, would I still be rejected...

as for it being a crap way to break up - well, we'd both been drinking, and to be fair, he had pretty much broken up with me just a few days before in person cos he said he'd rather have the chat about his doubts face to face than email.