Midlife crisis at 28

LegacyUser

Hi I’m just feeling really down about my situation right now. I was made redundant about two years ago, I was on a good salary, had a lot of responsibilities (as in I was a manager) and was normal working member of society. I tried and tried to get a job for about 6-8 months but couldn’t and eventually as money ran out I started to go into survival mode looking for ways of making €100 turn into €200, bit of a delboy. Two years on and I’m surviving on welfare and I’m running a small but illegal business (won’t go into detail but it’s not drugs, robbing or anything serious like that). The problem I’m having is that I’m starting to feel really ashamed/embarrassed of myself for both been on welfare and for making extra money on top of that. I don’t know what to do, getting a job is dam near impossible at this stage. My ideal would be to start a normal business but can’t find the right one a moment. I know nobody can really help me here, I just need to get this off my chest as its eating me alive and I can’t talk to anybody in my life about it.

SparkyTech

At a crossroads wrote: »

Hi I’m just feeling really down about my situation right now. I was made redundant about two years ago, I was on a good salary, had a lot of responsibilities (as in I was a manager) and was normal working member of society.I tried and tried to get a job for about 6-8 months but couldn’t

You can gain some comfort in the knowledge that you arn't the only one in this predicament! One of my family members has been out of work for a full year now and its very sad to see an able bodied person wanting to work being denied the opportunity.

As money ran out I started to go into survival mode looking for ways of making €100 turn into €200, bit of a delboy. Two years on and I’m surviving on welfare and I’m running a small but illegal business (won’t go into detail but it’s not drugs, robbing or anything serious like that). The problem I’m having is that I’m starting to feel really ashamed/embarrassed of myself for both been on welfare and for making extra money on top of that. I don’t know what to do, getting a job is dam near impossible at this stage. My ideal would be to start a normal business but can’t find the right one a moment. I know nobody can really help me here, I just need to get this off my chest as its eating me alive and I can’t talk to anybody in my life about it.

Ideally it would be brilliant if you could turn your currently illegal operation into a legal one! Have you explored all the options for starting a new business, spoke to Enterprise Ireland, the start up agencies there to help you out etc? Its natural to be feeling guilty at the thought of getting welfare and other nixer money on the side but you could turn that around into a positive by focusing your energy on getting a legitimate business concept off the ground? You sound like you have a good conviction and im sure if you put your mind to it you could make it work.


Best of luck

whatsamsn

Probably the wrong place to ask op.
Sadly you'll get a few moral crusaders giving you loads with this one.

I dont see anything wrong with what you are doing. You are on the social welfare but have a means to make a bit more cash, albeit under the table... a nixer lets be honest. At the end of the day you are not selling drugs, stealing or anything like that as you state.

Half of the people out there who would say you should be ashamed of yourself would be the first ones to make a little extra cash if they could after loosing their job.

LegacyUser

yea I know what you mean whatsamsn, I kinda expected some of that tbh, I get it in real life as well, just not to my face though and usualy by people that will probably never be made redundant. Its all just very frustrating, if I was by myself I would have just upped and left the country by now, but with a wife and kids that’s not possible.

Thanks for your input SparkyTech, i would love to get off welfare and go legit, but with the current thing I’m doing this would not be possible, I don’t even make that much off it, think it’s more to keep me sane than to make real money.

Anybody know of any groups where I can meet people that are in the same situation as me?

Mr Marri

Have a look at going legit, there might be some grants avaliable,
I did a start your own business course with my local enterprise board (even though I had no business to start :P) and found it great you meet loads of people in the same boat as yourself i.e. unemployed and looking to start something new. With any luck the Local enterprise board will wave the fee if your on the dole.

on a personal note, don't give the time of day to anybody who looks down on you. If you've never been made redundant you just can't understand. That and some people are just smug ****s.

Darlughda

There is an option with social welfare of starting up your own business-back to work enterprise allowance I think its called. Google it and 'options for self employment with social welfare'.

OP, to be honest, I think you are wallowing in self pity here.

To be made redundant at 28 is a very different thing from being made redundant in your 50's.

First of all on a good salary as a manager you probably have considerable savings and assets and you are still receive JB each week for about a year. Before any kind of means testing occurs.

In addition to that, you have a nice tax free redundancy payment.
You are not doing too bad at all. Consider the people who are on illness/disability with no nice lump sum nor possiblity of working in the future.

At 28, being made redundant with the whole of your working career ahead of you with options is not necessarily a bad thing.

LegacyUser

Darlughda wrote: »

There is an option with social welfare of starting up your own business-back to work enterprise allowance I think its called. Google it and 'options for self employment with social welfare'.

OP, to be honest, I think you are wallowing in self pity here.

To be made redundant at 28 is a very different thing from being made redundant in your 50's.

First of all on a good salary as a manager you probably have considerable savings and assets and you are still receive JB each week for about a year. Before any kind of means testing occurs.

In addition to that, you have a nice tax free redundancy payment.
You are not doing too bad at all. Consider the people who are on illness/disability with no nice lump sum nor possiblity of working in the future.

At 28, being made redundant with the whole of your working career ahead of you with options is not necessarily a bad thing.

Yes I am aware of that allowance and will probably go for it as soon as a business opportunity arises; it’s the wait for the right time/opportunity that’s killing me.

Well you probably think I’m wallowing in self pity because you assumed I have "considerable savings" and got a "nice tax free redundancy payment" well I was on 40K gross, didn’t save a penny (most people in their mid 20's and a young family don’t have considerable savings, we just have bills) and got the statutory redundancy which lasted about 6 months.

I agree with 28 being better than 50 or being on illness but it’s like saying losing a finger is better than losing an arm, true but it’s still sh*t. I know ill bounce back one day and I’ll try and keep the chin up in the mean time, it’s just I’m "long term unemployed" now and I just realised the other day and got scared tbh.

I really wanted to talk to people in the same boat but I don’t think there are many on boards surprisingly, although there are many who are sympathetic, thanks lads.

Darlughda

Well, I have been long term unemployed, quite a few of those years during the boom years and its been hell. I have had illnesses which have taken a long time to diagnose and now I am on illness benefit because of this.

I have worked voluntarily for the past couple of years, because of the nature of my illness I can only work when it is possible and quite often I do not know until the very day I have made the commitment so it is very tricky.

Do you have any idea what it is like, not only at this time of year, but day in, day out. Year after year?


But, hey, you only want to hear from succesful businessmen like yourself that suddenly had terribly bad luck???

LegacyUser

Darlughda wrote: »

Well, I have been long term unemployed, quite a few of those years during the boom years and its been hell. I have had illnesses which have taken a long time to diagnose and now I am on illness benefit because of this.

I have worked voluntarily for the past couple of years, because of the nature of my illness I can only work when it is possible and quite often I do not know until the very day I have made the commitment so it is very tricky.

Do you have any idea what it is like, not only at this time of year, but day in, day out. Year after year?


But, hey, you only want to hear from succesful businessmen like yourself that suddenly had terribly bad luck???

Wow I can’t believe you accused me of wallowing in self pity after that post.

I didn’t say I ONLY wanted to hear from people in the same situation I just think that’s what I need for myself right now. Look there’s always gona be somebody with bigger problems than me, and you for that matter, I didn’t want to get into a who has the biggest problem pissing contest here, there's plenty of people on PI with a lot smaller problems than I have but it’s a big thing to them, and they get good advice/input on their problems all the time. I just thought I’d give it a shot, and I did get good advice.

Sorry to hear about your health problems though and hope you get better some day, Merry Xmas.

LegacyUser

Hey Op,

In a similar situation. Was made redundant twice in the recession and had been out of work 6mths teh first time,then 3 the second time round. So for the best part of a year I was on welfare. I'm a similar age (26), degree educated, had a good job and had started my career and then the recession hit and I couldn't even get a job cleaning offices.

So, times turned desperate, money ran out, my self esteem was low, and I left the country. I'm now working in Europe teaching English (didn't have any qualifications but there's plenty of jobs for native speakers). Ok, so the job pays poorly, the conditions aren't great, it's not exactly a career more something to put food on the table. Sometimes i freak out and think christ, I'm 26 and scraping minimum wage in a job with no future and no prospect of returning to education cos I can't afford it....but then I remember that I'm happier here working than at home on welfare. It might be a solution...if you can, consider saving what u can off welfare, move home if u have to and live with the parents, then try set urself up somewhere else? It's tough, it took me a year to make enough money to live on as you find your feet, and who knows in anotehr year or two I might be in a position to start a company or change careers.

Anyhow, just to let u know there are defo other ppl out there and you just have to accept that ppl do whatever they can to survive, they have to. You're not hurting anyone, don't let your sense of shame overwhelm the situation - you're coping the best you can. And start working towards where you want to be, just accept that in the recession, success will take longer than what we were always brought up to believe.

dan_d

Unemployed 5 months. 28 years old. Depressed. Can't get anything - people keep saying I should just take anything, but can't get anything, because I've got a degree and am considered over-qualified.Everything comes back as 'no, sorry, you haven't got the right experience (for waiting in a restaurant, even!)I'm very down right now too.OP, there's no point trying to explain to people who are working, because they just haven't the first idea what it's like unless they've been there too.
My only advice to you is to talk to someone about how you feel....the effects of this recession is not just a rise in unemployment stats, it's the ripple effect that is having on people's lives, their mental health, their families. I don't know how our politicians sleep at night.
So yeah-I feel your pain OP.

whatsamsn

Great post by dan_d ... should help you op

But all this "over-qualified" spiel is BS. Its just a nice way of saying you didnt get the job but we'll say "over-qualified" since you got a degree behind you :rolleyes: you know yourself.

Personally, nothing wrong with fabricating a cv to a certain degree in this recession because after all due to the volume of people going for a job these days they'll only entertain people who've done the nature of the job before.

dan_d

Completely agree that the "over-qualified" thing is BS. But how else do I explain what I've been working at for the last 5 years???!!!

I know all the emails I'm getting back about "there's a high standard of applications" and "you have good experience but not in the right area", is just their way of saying that although most people could do the job they are advertising, they're sorry, but they think I won't hang around if something better comes up.

Either way it doesn't change the fact that basically, I can't get "just anything", like everyone keeps telling me to.I've tried.And I am absolutely in the depths of feeling sorry for myself the last week or 2. I'm filling my time as best as I can, I'm not sitting around doing nothing, but it's just getting harder and harder each day and it's taking it's toll on every single aspect of my life. I'm 28, and I feel like I'm 60!

Anyway, I'm dragging the OP's thread off course here. As I said before, my only advice to you, OP, is to talk to someone, because even that in itself can help you feel a bit better.

Dudess

Being on the dole is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. That's only a view held by people who have jobs and never experienced what it was like to be unemployed - don't cave into them.