advice on drink

whatsup28

hi there,
I wanted to get some advice about something and am interested in your thoughts.

I share a house with a friend and since she moved in I have concerns about how much she drinks. Basically, she pretty much drinks every night, sitting at home watching TV etc. She works full time, is up on time everyday for work, doesnt every seem hungover, and doesnt seem to see any problem.

For me drinking 3-6 cans of beer each day is ALOT for a female.

Does anyone have any advice? First am I correct in assuming that she has some kind of alcohol dependency? Should I say something? Any other suggestions?

Faith

I've no idea why that was posted to the Cork forum, but in any case, moved to Personal Issues.

Fittle

I would imagine the OP lives in Cork...perhaps?

Anyway OP....
Firstly, does her drinking impact on your life in any way? Does she get aggressive, does she fail to keep the house tidy etc etc? If her drinking impacts on your life in any way, then yes, you have every right to kick her to touch.

Secondly, if it doesn't, it really is none of your business how much she drinks. Yes, she has a dependency on alcohol, and you saying something to her may have little impact.

There are many thousands of women similar to her at the moment - drinking at home to relieve the stress of everyday life. In a previous generations time, the women took valium (my own mother included) - in our generation, it's a 'glass' of wine or a 'can' of beer (I put them in inverted commas to point out that it's never ONE can or ONE glass...) I'm not saying it's right...I am saying that it's almost the norm to hear that people have a drink most/some nights when they get in from work.

Yes, she has a problem. But unless SHE wants to fix the problem, there's very little you can do. If she decides she wants to stop drinking, yes, you can be there to support her - but you can't make her stop.

As I said, unless it is impacting on your life directly, there is little you can do.

tenchi-fan

I don't think you can assume she has an alcohol dependency. I used to drink in the evenings and it was annoying for people to make comments like "oh, you're drinking in the evening" when really i'd only have a can with my dinner and then another couple of cans while watching tv.

Having said that, it depends on her reason for drinking.
If she drank 6 cans regularly I might be a bit worried, mainly for the physical affect on her health. It depends though, are they 500ml, 330ml, and what's the booze content (can range from 2.5% to 5.3%)

kjl

Well lets do the figures.

If she drinks 6 cans a day, everyday then she is 42 cans of beer a week. That is 82 units on a weekly basis so lets assume we meet in the middle ans say she drinks 4.5 cans a day which is 9 units a day which is 63 units a week

The recommended intake of units for a woman in a week is 14. So if she is constantly drinking between 63 and 82 units a week, she may have a problem.

But it can be very hard to confront someone with regards to this, sure even people on here will argue with you that this is normal drinking, but it is not. It is just more accepted in Ireland because we are such a big drinking nation.

whatsup28

yes, everyone - i agree with what each of you say. KJL your maths is about right on this as she drinks more at weekends and drinks alone alot. She jokes about drinking, and no it doesn't affect me really other than I hate watching someone do this to themselves in front of me. That said, she is "happier" when she is drinking so in fact it makes it living together easier. I know I cant say anything really coz I am sure she will tell me where to go. I guess i do nothing. Just wondered what people thought. BTW I dont think she would see herself as having a dependency on alcohol either, but then I am not sure why she cant - one day max. is the most she can go without.

LegacyUser

She's probably drinking out of boredom. Why not do something constructive& suggest going jogging/joining a dance class? It needn't cost money, just something to get her out of the house. Worth a shot (not that kind!)

whatsamsn

Op,
While she could be drinking out of boredom. My money goes on she is drinking because she has stuff up.

Many people turn to drink when they've gotten bad experiences. Its quite sad. Its something alot of people can over look. It can be from something that has happened recently to something thats happened deep in the past. Emotional issues can effect a person alot.
You dont state that her drinking has caused any problems so its not like its effecting you in any negitive way. If you want to do the right thing you can talk to her and see what her problems are. Thats of course is she is willing to tell them to you.

My two cents is that she is a women who is hurt and is drinking to take the pain away. Just be understanding op

kjl

It should also be noted here that most people don't think they have a problem until they have a serious problem.

blackbird98

If the girl likes to have a few drinks every evening, and doesn't seem to affect her personality or her ability to work, then what's the problem? It mightn't be good for her health, but that's her decision. It's nobody else's business.

I can't understand how people can say she has stress, worries, dependency on alcohol, etc. Maybe she just likes to sit down with a few beers and relax in front of the telly.

it's cheaper than going out every night!!! and it would be different if she was going through a bottle of spirits every day!!

Zeouterlimits

OP, it's not exactly your business, but perhaps just ask your roommate why or what she thinks of her drinking? Other than that, I'd say stay out of it unless it effects your living standards.

blackbird98 wrote: »

it's cheaper than going out every night!!! and it would be different if she was going through a bottle of spirits every day!!

Don't see how 6 cans of beer is any different.

seamus

kjl wrote: »

It should also be noted here that most people don't think they have a problem until they have a serious problem.

It only becomes a problem when it's affecting your life, work or relationships.

There is a stigma about alcohol addicition - primarily because unlike cigarettes or food it has a mind-altering effect.

However, people can be fully functional alcoholics where they have what can be called an "addiction", but it doesn't change their personality, it doesn't consume their life, it doesn't change the way that they interact with other people and they have it completely under control. I don't see any problem in these instances - why should they have to give it up if they enjoy it and don't care about any possible health effects?

If the OP was constantly finding her housemate passed out on the floor or the couch, or having blazing rows every other night, or leaving the front door open, or whatever, then there's something to say.

But by admission, there's no problem here, her behaviour doesn't affect the OP therefore she has no business getting involved.

Substitute "alcohol" for "food" here and tell me if the OP would have any business asking her fat flatmate why she eats so much?

LegacyUser

I'm sorry OP but I can't understand why you have a problem with her drinking a few beers a night. People abuse cigarettes and get addicted to cigarettes and yet if your flatmate was a smoker would you be so concerned? Ok, you can take issue if it impacts on your life, either from the smell of smoke in ur house, or leaving empty beer cans/passing out, but other than that, I don't think it would be such an issue for you? Would you be writing a message here worried that she has an addiction to cigarettes for example, and that you hate to watch her subject herself to this, or food? True, drinking every night is not good for your liver, but people abuse various substances constantly, be it cigarettes, sleeping pills, food etc. So we all need a little something to get us through....if it's not affecting her life, job, relationships why interfere?

kjl

seamus wrote: »

It only becomes a problem when it's affecting your life, work or relationships.

There is a stigma about alcohol addicition - primarily because unlike cigarettes or food it has a mind-altering effect.

However, people can be fully functional alcoholics where they have what can be called an "addiction", but it doesn't change their personality, it doesn't consume their life, it doesn't change the way that they interact with other people and they have it completely under control. I don't see any problem in these instances - why should they have to give it up if they enjoy it and don't care about any possible health effects?

If the OP was constantly finding her housemate passed out on the floor or the couch, or having blazing rows every other night, or leaving the front door open, or whatever, then there's something to say.

But by admission, there's no problem here, her behaviour doesn't affect the OP therefore she has no business getting involved.

Substitute "alcohol" for "food" here and tell me if the OP would have any business asking her fat flatmate why she eats so much?

You are right that she has no right to tell her flatmate to stop, but don't cod yourself. Drinking that much is only the beginning of a problem, like I said you only realise you have a problem when it becomes a big problem.

So when it does start affecting her work, her attitude, this is when the problem is harder to tackle. You can have perfectly functioning heroin addicts too, does that mean it's not a problem.

It's attitudes like that, that have made so many problems go undetected.

82 units a week is a problem, no matter how you try to sugar coat it.

sollar

seamus wrote: »

However, people can be fully functional alcoholics where they have what can be called an "addiction", but it doesn't change their personality, it doesn't consume their life, it doesn't change the way that they interact with other people and they have it completely under control. I don't see any problem in these instances - why should they have to give it up if they enjoy it and don't care about any possible health effects?

Yeah many people live like this for years but quite a few can go down hill very fast when a major change takes place in their life, such as a loss of job, relationship breakdown, breavement, depression etc.

whatsamsn

kjl wrote: »

So when it does start affecting her work, her attitude, this is when the problem is harder to tackle. You can have perfectly functioning heroin addicts too, does that mean it's not a problem.

It's attitudes like that, that have made so many problems go undetected.

82 units a week is a problem, no matter how you try to sugar coat it.

I think you are getting confused between a persons problem and that problem creating an issue for someone else. In this case the roommate hasnt done anything that negitively effects the op. So the op has no right to say she shouldnt be drinking etc. While on the other side of the coin what she is doing is a personal problem that can lead to serious issues.

The op as a person can talk to the roommate to try and help out. Which is the decent thing to do. Of course depends on weather the roommate wants to talk about it.

whatsup28

so the pick up on some of the points made..
yes, we have tried inviting her to come out etc, even if it is drinking but at least in company of other people. She declines.

No the drinking does not really bother me, ok maybe in some ways it does, eg. the smell of beer every night, etc, and stupid stuff like just watching someone sitting every evening in the same place, watching TV drinking cans of beer is annoying if you share a house.

That said, I think she suffers very low self esteem, about weight, and bad stuff and general crap that she has had in her life. I have often spoke with her about this, but never in relation to drink. I feel it would not be appreciated.

I agree best to do nothing. Just wondered what people thought. Thanks for the replies.

mikemac

whatsup28 wrote: »

That said, I think she suffers very low self esteem, about weight, and bad stuff and general crap that she has had in her life

My god, a lot there I can relate to.

The answer is OP, the reason she drinks every evening is to distract herself and change her mood.
People have stressful jobs and many companies are understaffed so people work damn hard every day. Working so hard they get stressed.

Come home in the evening and what to do? Have a few cans......
People can drink every night and function every day in work, it's very possible

But a better solution is to find another activity. For me, it's going running in the evenings, for somebody else it's something different.
Someone mentioned dance classes, that's a possibility.

Maybe find a class, sign up and drag along the housemate