Should I tell?

3 little birds

My best friend has been seeing a guy recently, they've been casually seeing each other for almost a year but it's getting more serious now. Over the summer, they were both away travelling. My friend wasn't with any other guys out of loyalty to this guy and he told her he wasn't with anybody else either. I've since been told that he actually slept with more than one girl over the summer.

I don't think it's a huge deal because they weren't really together at the time and they hadn't made any agreement about not being with other people. But I don't like that he's lied to her. Then again I don't really see what good can come from me telling her. Should I tell her what I know or just let it go?

Thanks

fghijkl

Tough one,

I don't think it's a huge deal because they weren't really together at the time and they hadn't made any agreement about not being with other people.But I don't like that he's lied to her.

my gut would say to keep out, like you said they weren't actually together and were both free agents, he probably felt put on the spot when she said she hadn't been with anyone so was maybe trying to spare her feelings.

I've since been told that he actually slept with more than one girl over the summer.

How reliable is your source though, maybe i'm completely wrong, but it sounds like, lads holiday, lots of drinking and well bragging, doesn't necessarily mean its the truth.

I don't see how telling her is going to achieve anything. He hasn't actually done anything wrong, yes he may be lying but maybe he just didn't realise how into him she was and didn't want to hurt her? Either way its not really any of your business...

finbarrk

Say nothing. You aren't 100% sure anything happened.

UncleXavier

Really difficult situation and similar to one I was in a few years ago. I can see what people are saying with the 'say nothing' tact but saying nothing nearly cost me my best friend.

Now her relationship was more serious and my source was 100% reliable but myself and another close friend discussed the merits of telling her and we decided it would just hurt her and it was best to keep it quiet. As we understood it they were on a 'break' from their relationship at the time so didn't see it as a big issue.

After another couple of years they eventually split up after a long relationship and one evening my best friend was feeling guilty about hurting her now ex boyfriend, when the girl I discussed it with initially piped up 'no need to feel guilty he cheated on you a few years ago'.

Obviously my best friend was very shocked but her anger was directed at the people who didn't tell her at the time. In her opinion if she had been told at the time she would have left him there and then and not wasted another 2 years of her life with someone she couldn't trust. A valid point I think. She also did not see the time they were apart as being a 'break' and she stayed loyal as your friend did. That to me says she really likes this guy.

If your source is reliable I would have a good think about telling her, especially if this relationship is looking like it may become more serious.

Beruthiel

3 little birds wrote: »

I've since been told that he actually slept with more than one girl over the summer.

Hearsay. Gossip. Not actual evidence you've seen with your own eyes.
Keep out of it.

Miss Fluff

Agree with the above. What you heard is tittle-tattle and it sounds like they weren't officially going out. There's no benefit to be derived from telling her imho.

seenitall

Well, if it is only gossip and tittle-tattle, then no feathers should be too ruffled if the girl herself hears what some regular old gossip floating around is about. She is an adult, not some sheltered child. To me, the fact that it IS gossip, would be all the more reason to tell her (and I'd dam sure want to know about it too, if I were her).

3 little birds

Thanks for all the replies.

fghijkl wrote: »

How reliable is your source though, maybe i'm completely wrong, but it sounds like, lads holiday, lots of drinking and well bragging, doesn't necessarily mean its the truth.

Well, he told a friend who told a friend who told me! So yes, could easily have gotten misconstrued along the way. But all inolved are friends with each other so I don't want her to be the only one who doesn't know. Just really don't want him to make a fool out of her.

I don't think the problem is that he was with other girls. I don't even think it's a big deal that he might have lied about it to her. I have a problem with the fact that he's told a mutual friend and now people know and she doesn't.

Argh, wish I'd never been told!

mikemac

Stay out of it