A quick Roommate question.

Elbi

Ok I'm living with a girl for the last few months, she isn’t great to tidy up properly after her self she does a bit but she never puts anything away, wipes the counters or sweeps up after herself if it’s needed and I end up having to do it.

Anyway I don’t mind that too much but the thing is I left Monday evening for work and cleaned the place spotless as I knew I wouldn’t be back until Saturday. Now knowing her the place will be a little bit messy (washing up not put away or washed up etc) - my question is would I seem like a crazy person if I ask her would she give a quick tidy around if its needs it and have it like I left it Monday morning or will I seem like a total clean freak and a bit cheeky?

I wouldn’t normally ask but I will be back late Saturday evening and will be bringing girls from work and wont have time to clean up. I just like my house to be clean when I have friends coming over.

Thanks in advance

scarymoon1

tell her to clean up after herself. im in the same position in my house - i clean and tidy then housemates come along and mess it up again. although i have not said anything myself as i dont want to cause rows with them ( they are my friends ) as im sure they think they are clean ( they are not ). i know its easier said than done.

Kimia

I know i'll probably get blasted for this but it sounds a bit demanding - 'have it like i left it on monday'.. I woudn't agree that it has to be to your specifications - everyone is different and maybe she is more haphazard that you are, without being 'dirty' if that makes sense?

You could text her and say that you won't get back in time to give a quick clean so would she mind giving a quick wipe down to counters and a sweep etc but to be honest it's for your mates so i doubt it'll be highest on her list of priorities and you could rub her up the wrong way..

Elbi

I agree Scarymoon1 it is very hard to say things as you don’t want them too feel uncomfortable either. But I have left this go on for so long the girl I live with makes a fool out of me (my own fault)

Kimia I didn’t mean it like it sounded obviously when I read over it I can see its seems demandingwould only say something like "give it a quick tidy if needs be" what I really want to say is "do your washing up and put it away" "wipe up all your spilled cereal from the counter" "sweep up all your veg peelings from the floor" and “wipe the counter because they are manky when you are finished with them” that’s what I really want to say.

Im sorry I seem like a mental person Its just she goes away every weekend and leaves me with her washing up and stuff I never said anything but it’s just with friends coming over I won’t have the chance to clean up after her.

cheesey1

I wouldn't say anything at all and just grin and bear it with your friends, warn them before coming over that your flat mate is untidy.

I lived with my cousin once and she was extremely untidy like that never cleaned up after herself, shoes left all over the place, hairbrushes left on the kitchen table. I went away for 10 days and had tidied the night before I left and she didn't bother to do a thing while I was gone. I had to ask her to move out as I couldn't take it any more and told her why, and she never spoke to me again.

Maybe if I had told her in the begin to clean up she might have but 7 months later it was too late and I just couldn't live with her any more. I was a few years older than her so maybe it was age gap and she was pretty spoilt as a child by her parents who never made her tidy up. But I think you would be better off not saying and if you do decide to don't say it by text say it face to face.

scarymoon1

to cheesy - but why should the OP put up with an untidy housemate? Its her house and if this person is filthy then the OP should not have to put up with it.

cheesey1

does she own the house or are the two of them renting?

Just that's its harder to say it a few months after living with the girl, just saying in my opinion and in my situation it would have been best to say it as soon as she moved in and she noticed she was untidy.

I just think its best to say these things face to face - maybe that is her plan but I wouldn't recommend doing it by text message.

Pebbles68

Your standards may be very high but it is totally reasonable to expect her to respect the fact she is not living alone and you are not her cleaner. "Would you please make an effort to clean the kitchen properly" is a very reasonable request among room mates. If she asks calmly explain that you are constantly, wiping, sweeping and putting stuff away after her and that is unfair. If she has an issue with that then I believe you have a choice to make.

Kimia

I know it can be really frustrating to have an untidy housemate and I feel for you. It's mortifying when you have mates over and the place is a kip. that's the joys of sharing though, it'll never be exactly how you want it because you're sharing.

Scarymoon it's not her house, and even if she was the owner occupier it still would be as much the other girls as it is hers. The whole point of 'sharing' is that you share, yea?

Maybe you could sit down with her and go through your different expectatations together? Assuming that she's not a dirty slob and she just has different standards to you (for example I like to clean up straight away after dinner, I've had flatmates that leave their plates until the morning, that kind of thing) - maybe you could work out a happy medium.

As in, she makes more of an effort to keep things clean and you agree to chill out a small bit or else tidy up a bit more than she does because you actually like it a bit cleaner.. Unfair i know but you'll have to compromise.

scarymoon1

kimia - i didnt know sharing a house meant sharing each others filth too!

Kimia

Compromise about cleaning goes hand in hand with living with someone Scarymoon. I would take a less confrontational approach than you I suppose, I've had lots of experience living with people.

scarymoon1

fair enough you have had lots of experience with living with people but i just find it unfair that some people are filthy and others have to keep cleaning up after them. Ive decided in my hosue not to bother anymore with cleaning and let the dirt build up - there will be mice in the kitchen and the other girls wont even notice! Duno how their parents brought them up!

Elbi

Thanks to everyone for your repies

Pebbles68 – Id never be so kinda stern as to say straight out “clean up properly after you” but I have on one occasion asked her to keep the place tidy just for that night but it was the one night she left the place messier than ever so maybe the only way is to be straight out about it, she is a mature student so hopefully will be gone in June we have no contract as such just one months notice on either side which I will be giving her once her term is up.

Kimai – It is my place but I totally agree with you I feel we are both sharing so its both our house kinda thing and I have always wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible but if its both our house then she should hoover and mop and polish like I do which she hasn’t once since the move in but I didn’t expect her to either only if she made a spill (and even then she dosn’t mop or wipe just lets it soak in)

I know it seems silly as there are many people out there with worse problems but I find it very stressful coming home and having to clean up before I start to make diner or whatever, especially when she has made it very obviously she is not prepared to wash up even one plate after me. But look maybe my standards are too high and I need to relax a bit I dont know really Im at my witts end

Kimia

I totally agree with you Scarymoon, it's so unfair. It used to haunt me too until I realised that I could either be really stressed all the time about the state of the place or I could just clean it myself because some people just are like that, they literally do not have the same standards as other people. Everyone is different and this is one of the killers when you share a house. The only way to get around it is to live on your own.

With the lower cost of sharing comes the higher mental cost about housework, bills etc. Sharing sucks really.

Elbi

scarymoon1 wrote: »

fair enough you have had lots of experience with living with people but i just find it unfair that some people are filthy and others have to keep cleaning up after them. Ive decided in my hosue not to bother anymore with cleaning and let the dirt build up - there will be mice in the kitchen and the other girls wont even notice! Duno how their parents brought them up!

I totally agree with you, at the start you dont mind cleaning up after them but having to do it every bloody night gets annoying, saying that what annoys me is they have the cheek to let it there for someone else to do.

I thought with them being your friends it would be easier to mention it to them.

scarymoon1

sharing sure sucks! with the bad weather clothes are impossible to dry and as one of the girls had ALL the rads full of her clothes the whole time we could never dry anything. so myself and another girl decided to buy a clothes horse. So i bought it and she said she would give me half the money. When the girl who used to hog the rads saw the clothes horse she asked could she use it - i couldnt say no. And now the other girl who decided with me to buy it asked if she could use it aswell i had to say yes also - she has not given me half the money yet! And prob never will. so now its full of their clothes even though i bought it wil my own money. I feel like a bloody doormat!

Kimia

scarymoon1 wrote: »

sharing sure sucks! with the bad weather clothes are impossible to dry and as one of the girls had ALL the rads full of her clothes the whole time we could never dry anything. so myself and another girl decided to buy a clothes horse. So i bought it and she said she would give me half the money. When the girl who used to hog the rads saw the clothes horse she asked could she use it - i couldnt say no. And now the other girl who decided with me to buy it asked if she could use it aswell i had to say yes also - she has not given me half the money yet! And prob never will. so now its full of their clothes even though i bought it wil my own money. I feel like a bloody doormat!

Scarymoon you should have said that they could use it after you had finished with it!! I agree, there are some really selfish people out there.

Elbi

Kimia wrote: »

Scarymoon you should have said that they could use it after you had finished with it!! I agree, there are some really selfish people out there.

Ya i totally agree next time you want to use it tall them wait their turn, There are selfish people out there but some times they can just be thoughtless and not think.

My friend rents out a room in his house and I think he is totally nuts the way he carries on. He is very blunt he will say things like "i have the house clean i want it left this way" or if they leave their washing up for ages he will stay straight out "do your washing up" he siad he put up with too many people walking over him in his own house for too long and he wont do it any more, to me he is just mad but it works for him and the people he lives with seem to get on with him ,

smiles302

I would text her and say something like "could you do a quick tidy for me as I have a few friends coming over, I will definitely owe you one"

In a do me a favour type phase than actually asking her to clean up after herself.

Elbi

Elbi wrote: »

My friend rents out a room in his house and I think he is totally nuts the way he carries on. He is very blunt he will say things like "i have the house clean i want it left this way" or if they leave their washing up for ages he will stay straight out "do your washing up" he siad he put up with too many people walking over him in his own house for too long and he wont do it any more, to me he is just mad but it works for him and the people he lives with seem to get on with him ,

You've pretty much described me all over. I lived with a mate for a year and we mostly got on very well. If something annoyed me, like dirty plates or a messy bathroom, I would say it. I would expect someone to say it to me as well. Its not personal; you are sharing a space with someone and this needs to be respected. It is totally unfair to leave the place in a kip and have another person clear up.

I'd recommend just being blunt but courteous. The longer you leave it the more it will piss you off.

Elbi

Thanks for the replies guys

I didnt mention anything to her about the evening my friends were over, the place wasnt very bad but wasnt very clean either. She had dragged boxes from outside through the house and it was in bad need of a mop afterwards because of the snow and slush but the washing up was done, not put away but done so thats a plus lol.

I agree Jabba, Im going to say something the next time something happens. like if she leaves the house messy instead of doing it myself i'll say it to her il be as nice as i can because I dont want to be a bitch to her either I want her to feel comfortable in her home, She has a bit of a bitchy attitude so i have a feeling she will get stroppy but I have to say something or I'll explode.

curlzy

To all the posters on this thread. Have to say ladies you all sound like lovley girls but my god!!! You all really do sound like doormats, between letting people use stuff they said they'd pay for and didn't (just say no, I'd prefer to keep it free for my stuff) and cleaning up after people!!!! I mean come on, grow a pair, hmmmm I'm not trying to be mean here but I really don't know how else to say it!!! Like if you don't stand up for yourself then people will walk over you and not just housemates. Please every one of you, please be more vocal such as "did you use the kithcen last? Yes, oh well could you please clean it up?" At the end of the day you'll all end up going nuts with the frustration!!! It's not fair living like that! I did live with one person that tried that crap. I just treated them like a child, like they'd come in and dump a load of crap in the hall, I'd go into them and say "is that your stuff in the hall?, would you mind moving it to your room please?" I know it's a pain having to spell it out but you just can't let people treat you as a slave, which is what is sounds like!!! Honestly girls, you gotta stand up for yourself, it's hard the first time, (I had sweaty palms) but it gets much easier and at the end of the day you are in the right here. Honestly hand on heart not trying to be mean. Best of luck!