Work Party... I would rather not go

CyberDave

My work party is coming up tomorrow night. I would rather not go. The thought of spending an evening with my work colleagues doesn't appeal to me. I have never liked work parties and prefer not going to them. I never enjoy them, am on edge the whole night and feel really uncomfortable. Would it reflect badly if I didn't attend? There are 12 employees in my current job. It was harder to avoid them in my last job as there were only 4 of us. Regardless of the amount of people, I never enjoy them and often will worry about them for a week in advance.

Cheap Thrills!

Don't go.

John Mason

Dont go.

I feel that same way about mine, havent been to one in years.

AnonoBoy

Don't go.

Cry off sick if you feel it'll be easier than being asked why you didn't go.

scarymoon1

it looks bad if you dont go - we had ours last week and the people that didnt go were talked and bitched about a bit saying they couldnt even make the effort to go. Its only one night - grin and bear it!

John Mason

scarymoon1 wrote: »

it looks bad if you dont go - we had ours last week and the people that didnt go were talked and bitched about a bit saying they couldnt even make the effort to go. Its only one night - grin and bear it!

why would you care what people say? silly scaremongering tbh

scarymoon1

IRISHBIRD - well is that not why the OP posted in the first place???? I.E. would it look bad if he didnt go - and I said yes it would look bad if he didnt go. And I explained what happened on ours when people didnt go.

Cheap Thrills!

scarymoon1 wrote: »

IRISHBIRD - well is that not why the OP posted in the first place???? I.E. would it look bad if he didnt go - and I said yes it would look bad if he didnt go. And I explained what happened on ours when people didnt go.

It doesn't look bad to the people that matter ie. the bosses, all they will think is that OP is a serious sort not given to frivolity, which is perfectly acceptable professionally.

The only people it 'looks bad' to are gossips and people who engage in petty b!tching and those people will be noted as unprofessional by bosses worth their salt anyway.

In professional life you will always get some people who don't 'do' the whole socialising thing. And incidentally far from harming them it generally benefits them professionally in the long run.

scarymoon1

i dont see how the OP would benefit by not going to the party - its a chance to talk to collegues and bosses in a social environment out of the office and get to know them better. By not going puts him on the outside - in my opinion.

fasty

I think it depends on the job. I was told when I joined my current company that it might look bad if I didn't go to the Christmas party. My colleagues are all fine people but I'm a bit of a lone wolf and like to persue my own stuff outside of office hours but I just go and make small talk and leave early enough.

John Mason

scarymoon1 wrote: »

IRISHBIRD - well is that not why the OP posted in the first place???? I.E. would it look bad if he didnt go - and I said yes it would look bad if he didnt go. And I explained what happened on ours when people didnt go.

Oh course it wont look bad, for god sake, its a night of excessing drinking.

The people who bitch are only there because they are afraid that will said about them behind their back.

Most normally people, couldnt careless if their work colleagues bitch about them cos we have lives outside of work.

work is such a small percentage of your life and it is not worth getting all worked up and stressed about going to a binge drinking session. - its crazy

i would much rather go out with my friends when a load of people who i have nothing in common with and are really really horrible when they are drunk - seriously mean people

scarymoon1

well its nice to be social!

Beruthiel

scarymoon1 wrote: »

it looks bad if you dont go

I'm lucky, I work with a great bunch of people and I actually enjoy their company, so I'm happy to meet up for drinks.
Lots don't bother. Nobody comments or gives a toss.
There have been times I haven't gone due to prior commitments. What does it matter?

we had ours last week and the people that didnt go were talked and bitched about

A bunch like that would never have me in their company for a second longer than I had to.
I don't waste my precious time with assholes and I wouldn't care how that looked.

OP
If you don't want to go, tell them you have prior commitments. Around this time of year, it's difficult to be everywhere.

LegacyUser

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

In professional life you will always get some people who don't 'do' the whole socialising thing. And incidentally far from harming them it generally benefits them professionally in the long run.

I would second this to the last.

Op if you dont want to go, make an excuse and don't go, there is no shame in it and it will work out better for you.

I got caught in the "social" scene in my last job and it ended up being nothing but trouble.

If you company is small enough (start up or under 40 people), its taken for granted that folks will be close. At the same time, there is nothing requiring you to make friends with these people (being friendly is always a must though).

To those who say that the Op has to go, there is allot of bull**** in companies about people being social these days and allot of bitching behind backs that usually results. Not only is this totally unprofessional and is a excellent reason for the OP to do her own thing, but can also damage careers by pandering to it.

TLDR: There is nothing wrong with the OP's decision as work collegues are just that, work colleagues, not mates.

Distorted

Its nice to make the effort to go along to these once a year things if you have nothing else on, especially when its a small workplace. Out of respect for your workmates. If you really can't stand them, just leave early and use it as an opportunity to brush up your social skills by being nice to people you can't stand. You never know, if you get to know them better, you might find them quite likable.

scarymoon1

well from my experience i find that people that cant be bothered to go to social gatherings, be that work gatherings or with friends, i tend not to bother talking to them in work because if they cant be botherd to make the effort to go out on ONE night a year then why bother with them in work.

Squiggler

It really depends on the company.

I worked in a few companies where non-participation in work social events was seriously frowned on, and likely to have an adverse effect on the career of the individual while they worked for that company.

One company, in particuar, considered non-attendance (unless there was a good reason such as serious illness) at the Christmas party to be a form of betrayal and to show a of lack of company spirit, teamwork and loyalty to the firm.

Other places I've worked don't care, and my current employer doesn't have a proper all company Christmas Party, just smaller team lunches and a Sports and Social club event.

So... you need to decide how it is likely to be perceived, and decide whether you care or not.

Good luck!

John Mason

scarymoon1 wrote: »

because if they cant be botherd to make the effort to go out on ONE night a year then why bother with them in work.

that is a really unprofessional statement.

and tbh in the current climate is it really acceptable to expect people to spend a load of money coming up to christmas?

my christmas party is not paid for - you have to buy your own drink, food, pay for your hotel room and make your own way there and back.

scarymoon1

well is it not unprofessional to not make an effort to go to your christmas party? My christmas party was not paid for either because the public would go mental if they heard, so I had to cough up €100 for the night, even though I would have preferred to spend my money on clothes or something. Im only saying to the OP to at least make an effort to go to the party as it will look good.

Beruthiel

scarymoon1 wrote: »

well from my experience i find that people that cant be bothered to go to social gatherings, be that work gatherings or with friends, i tend not to bother talking to them in work because if they cant be botherd to make the effort to go out on ONE night a year then why bother with them in work.

So, someone could be the nicest, soundest, coolest person in the world, but if they don't turn up at a work christmas party that's enough for your to get the hump and shun them?
Wow.
That says an awful lot more about you than it does the person who had better things to do with their time.

scarymoon1

if they just cant be bothered then il shun them yeah. they cant be bothered to spend a night out with co-workers then why would i bother to talk to them in work. they only talk to u in work when its convenient then cant be bothered when outside work?? feck that - id rather talk to people that dont use me for their convenience. but if they cant make it for a good reason then fair enough.

anniehoo

Scarymoon1 i totally disagree with everything you've said.If you are that bothered what people say about you for not going to a work function then im glad im more secure than you tbh. Work is work, you spend 8 hours or more a day there. If you just about tolerate your colleagues when there, spending your precious free time with them in the evening also would be a nightmare.

I work in a large organisation so its easier not to go to things. But there are plenty of people who dont go to anything at all ever and i couldnt care less. I dont bitch about them and respect the fact they may have...literally...better things to be doing with their time. OP dont go if you dont want to.Simple as!

AnonoBoy

scarymoon1 wrote: »

if they just cant be bothered then il shun them yeah. they cant be bothered to spend a night out with co-workers then why would i bother to talk to them in work. they only talk to u in work when its convenient then cant be bothered when outside work?? feck that - id rather talk to people that dont use me for their convenience. but if they cant make it for a good reason then fair enough.

They're co-workers not friends. There's a difference.

They're not 'using' you in work, they're working and being civil and polite.

OP - if you feel that it might look bad then just feign illness. Simple.

sharper

scarymoon1 wrote: »

it looks bad if you dont go - we had ours last week and the people that didnt go were talked and bitched about a bit saying they couldnt even make the effort to go. Its only one night - grin and bear it!

Based on subsequent posts it's kinda obvious who was doing the talking and bitching.

I very rarely go to work outings. Yes sometimes there can be a shun effect for a while after although that's mainly down to people getting to know each other outside work. After a few weeks it makes no difference at all.

scarymoon1

it just looks better to go to your party - it shows you are interested and social - not the opposite!

scarymoon1

i didnt realise so many people on baords do not go to xmas parties! looks like im outnumbered here lol!

mikemac

scarymoon1 wrote: »

if they just cant be bothered then il shun them yeah. they cant be bothered to spend a night out with co-workers then why would i bother to talk to them in work. they only talk to u in work when its convenient then cant be bothered when outside work?? feck that - id rather talk to people that dont use me for their convenience. but if they cant make it for a good reason then fair enough.

How do people use you? Your teammates and colleagues will polite to you in work and that's it.
They are not your friends, they have lives outside work. Do you feel rejected if your teammate would not go to a Christmas party?

Anyway OP, just don't go if you don't want to.
You certainly won't be the only one not there

scarymoon1

oh whatever - il never win with people on here anyway.

Squiggler

irishbird wrote: »

and tbh in the current climate is it really acceptable to expect people to spend a load of money coming up to christmas?

my christmas party is not paid for - you have to buy your own drink, food, pay for your hotel room and make your own way there and back.

That is insane. Who makes the decision about where you have your party and its format? If employees are paying for themselves then the party should not require overnight accommodation.

scarymoon1 wrote: »

well is it not unprofessional to not make an effort to go to your christmas party? My christmas party was not paid for either because the public would go mental if they heard, so I had to cough up €100 for the night, even though I would have preferred to spend my money on clothes or something. Im only saying to the OP to at least make an effort to go to the party as it will look good.

€100 is too much for a Christmas Party, unless over 2/3 of that was your drink bill.

We have to pay for our own christmas lunches. But they're all reasonable fixed price menus and we have the choice of whether to drink (at our own expense) or not.

nyarlothothep

scarymoon1 wrote: »

well is it not unprofessional to not make an effort to go to your christmas party? My christmas party was not paid for either because the public would go mental if they heard, so I had to cough up €100 for the night, even though I would have preferred to spend my money on clothes or something. Im only saying to the OP to at least make an effort to go to the party as it will look good.

Huge gaping hole in your logic, its outside work, work=/= social life hence professionalism/unprofessionalism is irrelevant.

hsi

Just say you are sick and don't go. But 12 people you work place must be close? Usually 2 brands and you are flying for the night.

Personally I hate work parties in ireland.

cafecolour

For my Xmas party this year, I'm going to 'put in an appearance' approach - i.e. show up early in the evening, have one beer/soda, duck out after an hour (and this a party with free food and drink). You could try that approach (ie split the difference).

Other jobs I've stayed until the end of the night, but I'm just not feeling it at this job.

HavingCrack

I suppose you could just pop along for one hour, just drink a coke and say you're not feeling great but thought you'd pop in to say hello and head home. Or just don't go...

Katgurl

Op if the party is paid for I think you should go for an hour as an appreciative gesture to the boss - purse strings are tight this year more than ever and a lot of Christmas parties cancelled. I understand these things aren't everyones cup of tea but even making an appearance is preferable. Also, the fact you said you'd worry about it in advance suggests you find these things daunting and you'll feel really good about yourself if you go regardless. If you arrive early enough and make an effort to speak to a couple of people you'd be a lot better off than sitting a home worrying about it.

On the other hand if it's up to employees to pay, it's a differen sort of party and you really shouldn't feel any pressure to attend, just say the date doesn't work for you or pubs aren't your scene or whatever.

d1975

I'd go and then after 3/4 hours just go say something like ya had to go, most people just turn up for 2/3 hours then vanish


I'm doing that tomorrow night, just going for free meal and beer then off to another party after it

Sungodbr

scarymoon1 wrote: »

well from my experience i find that people that cant be bothered to go to social gatherings, be that work gatherings or with friends, i tend not to bother talking to them in work because if they cant be botherd to make the effort to go out on ONE night a year then why bother with them in work.

I dont think Id bother with u if I worked with u from this impression, some people have issues that means they dont like these things, maybe u should be a little less judgmental and u would have extra people who liked you

Sungodbr

scarymoon1 wrote: »

if they just cant be bothered then il shun them yeah. they cant be bothered to spend a night out with co-workers then why would i bother to talk to them in work. they only talk to u in work when its convenient then cant be bothered when outside work?? feck that - id rather talk to people that dont use me for their convenience. but if they cant make it for a good reason then fair enough.

jesus u sound like a really nice person, i pity ur shunned work collegues, cos Id say there are many and Id say u are rather shunned urself

scarymoon1 wrote: »

use me for their convenience

they are workin with you not using you, bad attitude!!

scarymoon1

lol I love on boards how if I say something then its twisted around - i.e. I said I shun people so people think I am shunned, I said its nice to be social but people said I am insecure about what people think of me. hilarious!

Miss Fluff

If you don't want to go, don't go. I'm very sociable and outgoing but I hate things like that and just usually say to people that not to take it personally but I don't like events like that. I'm sure there's some element of speculation but just be honest (but nice about it too). People will probably talk about it for all of two mins and forgive you Then if there are impromptu Christmas drinks in the pub after work one evening this side of the Christmas holidays go to the pub if you fancy it just to show people you don't hate them.

LegacyUser

I used to love Christmas parties, but then again, I really got on with the people I worked with.

Over the years as I've moved places, they mean less and less to me. Certainly if I had to go for dinner with the people I work with now, I would turn them down in a polite way. But I'd do it in advance and early ( I have a long list of excuses at the ready so if they were to say "can you make it on the 20th for drinks?" . . . "the 20th? is that the Thursday? Shoot, no. I ;ve a family thing on that night at my brothers".

They're not my type of people to be honest. I can get on with them at work but would have no interest socialising with them.

I remember a few years back my brother wasn't going to his and I couldn't understand it until he explained that after 10 years of them they lose their appeal.

If you think that not going will have a detrimental effect on you at work with your colleagues then maybe make an effort to go, eat, two drinks after and leave.

LegacyUser

coupleodifferen wrote: »

They're not my type of people to be honest. I can get on with them at work but would have no interest socialising with them.

If you think that not going will have a detrimental effect on you at work with your colleagues then maybe make an effort to go, eat, two drinks after and leave.

This.

If you know it may cause difficult politics, come up with a decent excuse in advance to not go. That not available, go for a drink and bow out early.

To scarymoon1, I see what you mean but at the same time I think that it is harsh behaviour.

Remember that you are in a work place and most folks are there to work and earn a living, granted some folks like a social aspect to their work, but at the end of the day it is what it is, work. Due to this, irreguardless if a person does or does not socialise with their colleagues, they should be shown respect and politeness and I think you should think about this.

scarymoon1

well i wont obviously NOT talk to them because they cant be bothered going on a work party but I wont go out of my way to talk to them either - thats all. I know work is work and they are not my friends - but at xmas I think its nice to make an effort to go out and have a drink together. I think if people liked their job ( which i do ) then they would have no issues with going out on a work night out. My friend for instance is not going to hers and she hates her job and the people. I went on one night out with her to some sports and siocial thing and my god the people bored me to hell - so I guess its different if you dont like the job/people you work with.

Fluorescence

scarymoon1 wrote: »

well i wont obviously NOT talk to them because they cant be bothered going on a work party but I wont go out of my way to talk to them either - thats all. I know work is work and they are not my friends - but at xmas I think its nice to make an effort to go out and have a drink together. I think if people liked their job ( which i do ) then they would have no issues with going out on a work night out. My friend for instance is not going to hers and she hates her job and the people. I went on one night out with her to some sports and siocial thing and my god the people bored me to hell - so I guess its different if you dont like the job/people you work with.

Well, that's not what you've been saying in this thread. You said you actively look down upon and shun someone who doesn't want to fork out his own money (at the time of year he's probably most strapped for cash) for an evening out he won't even enjoy. It's a crappy work party, not a spouse's birthday. Why should he have to spend money he mightn't necessarily have to spare just to be seen as "making an effort" :rolleyes:.

OP, don't bother going if you're getting so worked up about it. Honestly, it doesn't matter.

Denerick

Don't go. There is no reason why you should be 'friends' with people you merely work with. If you don't want to, don't bother.

dellas1979

Lads, think OP is making a mountain out of a molehill. My takes on this is if you dont want to go, dont. At the end of the day, who cares?

If you think your colleagues will be going around going "oh john didnt show up WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!!!!" then you must have an ego the size of mount everest.

You want to go = go
You dont want to go = dont go

mrpink6789

I had my work party last night, someone didnt turn up and the women wer elike vultures slating them. 1 of them ended up getting too hammered and got sick beside the boss, nice! If you dont go to the work party there will be the usual who gossip about it but most people will just ignore them. If its not your scene its not your scene but 1 night out of a year isnt a massive sacrifice to make to make you feel at ease about not being talked about!