Dont know what to think.

LegacyUser

My gf of a couple of years decided we need a break for a week she said she doesnt what me to call or text her but the thing is shes in the same college and course as me. She said she needed some space for awhile.

Things haven't been great she has been moody and just unhappy over the past while arround me she said she needs time to think. Im not perfect myself ive had arguments over stupid crap and i know i pester her if she makes me mad. "I let her know how it feels if she does something wrong to me"

I tried to talk it over with her but she said its probably good for me aswell. She has been moody and getn mad at me over nothing tbh.She stopped going to some important exams in college and sleeping in alot and always saying shes tired while round me. She said she wouldnt want me to go crazy if we broke up eg quit college to name one and told me she wants to meet up and do some work for college in the morning and then left!!! "Thats if she gets up"

What should i do? I dont want to push her away and i dont want to loose her. I dont want to be beside her and say something stupid or pester her away.

I really like her and confused as what to do I dont wnat to break up she is very nice its just lately things have gotten worse.

LegacyUser

Is she pregnant??

Kingpin187

Your GF of a couple of years... and you "really like her"?? is that it?

Wibbs

Kingpin187 wrote: »

Your GF of a couple of years... and you "really like her"?? is that it?

More likely it's just how he phrased it. Some people, especially men aren't as gushing and romcom about love, even though they feel it deeply.

IMHO you're hitting the honeymoon-real longtermer crossover phase. Most likely around the 2 or 3 year mark where one person doesnt quite feel it(more usually the woman IME because they dont see an actual long term relationship working). Your description of events certainly sounds like it. Petty arguments, her getting distant, looking for a "break" etc. She's not getting "mad over nothing". Well not quite. She may well still like you even love you, but if she's not feeling the spark this is internally confusing. Hence it comes out as frustration and petty arguments. On the relationship arguments front men I've noted(inc. myself in the past) tend to deal with arguments a little differently. We try to fix them and try to get them out of the way as quickly as possible, even if this means nothing actually got fixed or discussed. We do the "oh well she's not arguing anymore so that's OK then" and miss the underlying reasons why it kicked off in the first place.

So what could be the reasons? It could be a simple drifting apart on her side. Though if there was love involved something usually changes to change that. Or a long standing issue from early in the relationship that was ignored because of the in love feelings, but didnt change in the interim, now comes back to haunt the couple. Something I've learned for myself and watching others over the years is; if you're slightly worried about some aspect of your partner early on, theres a good chance that will be a big factor in what splits you up if its not sorted.

Think back a few months. Did you have a big bustup over a particular issue? Was it actually resolved or did it just "go away"? That could be the point she started to look at you differently.

OK blah blah. How do you try and fix this? IMHO don't pursue her. If she's moving away, that will only serve to make her move away more quickly. If she asks for a break, then simply say you would prefer not to as you still love her, but then agree to it. If she wants space, give it to her. Don't call her, start to live your own life again, in your studies and social life. Work on your own head as far as dealing with things like "I let her know how it feels if she does something wrong to me". If she's worried about you quitting college that sounds like you've suggested this before or where otherwise dramatic in your responses. Stop doing that basically. If there's love still there and a practical future for both of you, space apart will not hinder that, it will make it more likely. If there's not, then you will have already started your own healing process and moving forward.

LegacyUser

OP here thanks for the replys to late im afraid. I didnt need a week she dumped me today just gutted. She said that it just wasnt working out and she felt that way for awhile now and thers no point of us being together.

I took it on the chin then cryed my eyes out ive never felt so bad. She is a lovely girl and I love her to bits she wants to be just friends I duno should i or not she didnt leave me an option for ever getting back together. I said i cant be just friends it might destroy my head. The thought of her being with another guy makes me sick to my stomach. Not being able to cuddle her anymore is just depressing. Were in the same class in college and in my group of 20. I have to look at her everyday for the next year.

I need to keep my head down and study dont know if i can. Crying as im typing this i know i cant get her back and keeping busy is a good thing right now but 2 YEARS!! I always tryed my best with her if i messed up id make it up to her. Dont know what to do now or wher to go. I need company but i dont have it my friends are busy studying.

JellyBeana

I'm sorry OP, that sucks *hug*

Hopefully the break over Christmas will help clear your head a little and at least give you a break away from seeing her everyday for a few weeks.

Wibbs

some advice wrote: »

OP here thanks for the replys to late im afraid. I didnt need a week she dumped me today just gutted. She said that it just wasnt working out and she felt that way for awhile now and thers no point of us being together.

Ah bugger I was hoping I was wrong.

I took it on the chin then cryed my eyes out ive never felt so bad. She is a lovely girl and I love her to bits she wants to be just friends I duno should i or not she didnt leave me an option for ever getting back together. I said i cant be just friends it might destroy my head.

I agree. While it won't destroy you it will be like rubbing salt in a wound if you stay as her "friend". "Let's be friends" is a really bad idea. Not now at this time anyway. It's also a bit of a cop out for the one doing the dumping. At best it comes out as some sort of consolation prize(which its not), or a way for them not to feel guilty, or at worst it's to keep you hanging around as backup until someone else comes along. IMHO do not agree to this. Be friendly but dont hang out with her. Like you say you'll be hopeful of getting her back only for her to move on with someone else(naturally). She's gonna move on much quicker as she's already moved on months ago. The split happened months ago, you're only finding out now. She may even have someone else in mind already. Like I say being her mate is not a good plan. To be fair to her, it sounds like she didnt leave any option of getting back together. Fair play, that helps you. Much worse if she was one of those people who would keep you hanging.

I need to keep my head down and study dont know if i can. Crying as im typing this i know i cant get her back and keeping busy is a good thing right now

This is what you have to do. Keep busy. Put your energies into moving forward. It will be hard, but these feelings of grief will pass. You will meet someone else.

but 2 YEARS!!

Like I said in my first post, breakups are really common around that time. There are nearly always clear signs of it coming too. Hard to see from the inside though.

Dont know what to do now or wher to go. I need company but i dont have it my friends are busy studying.

Yea but someone around you will be taking a break from that at some stage so try and engage with them. Or maybe try to re engage with a mate(s) you havent touched base with in a while. Just to get out of your own head. Just remember, no matter how bad youre feeling this WILL pass.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replys i wish you were wrong aswell :(:(:( Its going to be very hard not talking to her or hanging out round college when thers a a few hours between the next class. When i spoke to her at the "dumping meeting" I said we cant be just friends.

She seemed really annoyed and a bit pissed off and said "I thought we could be after everything" she said she doesnt see why i wouldnt want to be friends and said" its you that doesnt want to be friends" when she was walking home. I dont know why she was thinking I would want to be because all it would do is hurt me more and not help me get past her. I explained to her that I dont want to talk to her everyday knowing that shes not mine and thers no chance me getting with her again. That it would eat me up inside and turn me into a depressing slob.

Ther is only one reason im considering to be friends with her and thats only for her benifit not mine. The reason is during the breakup conversation when i said im going to cut all contact with you. It wasnt said in a mean or nasty way I was just after explaining it cant be good for me. She said that she might quit college after xmas if i wouldnt talk to her or be friends. Im beginning to think she realised that its over now and that she thought i would want to be friends or maybe not im not really sure. Im finding it hard to remember the covo as i was in some state. I could be the reason she quits college i cant have that on my shoulders although it would make things alot easyier.

Im NOT going to be a backup i dont want that. Its awkward in a way because we have some of the same friends and it could be a case that they might be more friendly to me and not her or the other way arround. She said she going to call later at 10 she wont i know she wont she never has credit.

One thing that really annoyed me was that after the break up talk on the walk home we have to walk the same way. She said my friend want her hard disk back from your house. Its broken and doesnt work i helped her friend by gettingl ost files from a broken hard disk i spent hours on it. Saved her ass in college.

It seemed to me that it was like scavengers what does he have belonging to me must get it back now. I would consider her a friend but guess not fuk her. If you want it come and get it im not going to be a slave for stuff and i dont want to me up wi my now x to give that back.

Ive stuff left at x's and i said keep it all dont care im just getting mad now and gona see can i concentrate on something else. Ill keep updating if anything changs im curious about 10 tonight and what should eb said if anything.

Thanks for listening its hard to talk when you just want to curl up in a ball and forget everything.

Cheap Thrills!

Here OP, listen to me. IF she quits college it's not your fault. She wants to be friends so she doesn't feel guilty and is trying to emotionally blackmail you into it. That's very self-centred of her.

Being friends would be way too difficult for you so it's not fair of her to ask you to do that.

To me she sounds like she has lost interest in college anyway, going on the post where you said she was sleeping in all the time. Don't let her blame you for her own actions.

If she has decided to break it off with you she loses the right to get everything her own way. You have to start thinking of yourself now OP.

Tell her you'll be cordial and polite but don't go out of your way to be friends if you don't want to.

Wibbs

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Here OP, listen to me. IF she quits college it's not your fault. She wants to be friends so she doesn't feel guilty and is trying to emotionally blackmail you into it. That's very self-centred of her.

This in a big way. With your last post more info is coming out and it doesnt paint her in a great light.

Being friends would be way too difficult for you so it's not fair of her to ask you to do that.

I'd go further and say its very selfish and self centred of her. It's all about how she feels, what she wants, what she's losing("friendship" on her terms) and nada about what may or may not be good or bad for you. It's all about Her. Not a good trait in anyone. You may look back on this in time and see this as a bullet dodged.

To me she sounds like she has lost interest in college anyway, going on the post where you said she was sleeping in all the time. Don't let her blame you for her own actions.

+1. In the same way someone pulling the "I'll injure myself if you leave". Its BS of the highest order. If she leaves it's her (pretty daft) idea and decision. You're not your brothers keeper and you certainly aint an exes.

If she has decided to break it off with you she loses the right to get everything her own way. You have to start thinking of yourself now OP.

Nail on the head. Indeed the example of her selfishness should help you begin to see her feelings for you as they really are. IE she was happy to think of you only when it gave her good emotional feedback, now that it doesnt her truer colours as far as you go are coming out.

LegacyUser

Meet her today in college for about ten mins. Was ok for a few mins then things started to dwell on me. I hate this feeling !! All i wanted to do was talk to her and try and have things like they were before. I couldnt help but make an attempt i dont know why i did. Nothing bad came of it she just said dont be sad we can still be friends. Im think how when were in college and youve got no one arround when it suits you. Im still trying to get over her its so hard. Its hitting me really hard iwish this feeling would go away