Groomsman duties

Mont

I am going to be a groomsman for my best friend in a couple of months. What are my duties? I hate speaking publicly so am i expected to give a speech or read out the "I cannot be here cards". I mean i hate speaking publicly and know my head would be wrecked in the weeks running up to it even at the thought that i would have to speak in public, even reading out cards. Thing is i stammer when i get nervous and just dont want that to happen even though I will do it if asked as it is an honour to be a groomsman. But what are groomsmen supposed to do?

emarfrog

Hi Mont,

Well firstly, you're here asking for advice, therefore you want to do the best possible job. That speaks volumes about you as a person, I'm sure your going to be great!

My finance has asked his brother who hasn't offered any help etc. and doesn't appear to be honoured to have been asked or even mildly interested in the day but that's a discussion for another thread!

From a brides point of view, I would like the best man to take charge of the itinerary for the day from the grooms side, i.e. collecting the suits, ensuring that they are at the church on time and in good order, obviously have the rings.

Ask the couple for a list of phone numbers for the musicians, celebrant, hotel, photographer, videographer, band etc. That way if any of them fail to show/are late then you can contact them. One of my friend's musicians were late for her wedding and she ended up giving them the directions etc. to the church while she was sitting outside!

Meet the chief bridesmaid in advance of the wedding (i don't mean meet, meet, meet!) or call her. Have her phone number and have plenty of credit in your phone. You can phone the bridesmaid if any similar disasters have occurred at the venue and she can keep things calm at the bride's camp!

Have a pen and paper in your pocket. Everyone gives the gifts for the couple to the groomsmen. Some people give boxes without labelling them, if a box doesn't have a label, ask for a name and write it on the box. Ensure that the couple get all the gifts/cards the following morning.

I know of a few friends who were groomsmen at weddings and they looked after the payment of the band etc. The couple gave them the cheques in advance and the best man gave them to the band, dj etc. after they had completed their work!

Sorry if it seems like a rambling list!

As for the nerves, personally I would prefer a short genuine and heartfelt speech rather than some lad trying to be funny just because people think that's expected. Cover a few key issues, and practice, practice, practice. If you are nervous acknowledge that at the start of the speech, say something like "I'm a bit nervous, so bear with me..." If you start to stutter, stop, have a sip of water and move all, You'll be great!!!!!! Oh, and smile its hard to stutter and smile at the same time!;)

ThePiedPiper

Mont, I take it from your post that you're not the best man, just one of the groomsmen? If so, then you have very little responsibilities.

Things you could do would be among the following:

Make sure the groom dresses himself properly

Wait with him at the top of the aisle or offer to be an usher if you know a lot of the guests,

Arrange for his and his bride's bags to get to their room at hotel and also for their parents if they are elderly.

Tell himself and/or the best man that you don't want to make a speech or read out cards well in advance and it'll be no problem. Don't wait until the day to do this as they'll be making arrangements

Don't get too drunk before the first dance because you'll be expected to dance with one of the bridesmaids.

Generally just be around to help the best man out with his duties and ask him and the groom and bride if they need anything done at any stage.

The worst thing you could do is get drunk as you're a member of the bridal party so go easy on the booze.

Enjoy yourself, if you do some or all of these things, your friend and his bride will be grateful for it.

emarfrog

I had totally confused groomsman with best man!