Haven't felt attracted in years

LegacyUser

Hi, long time poster going unregistered here. Basically I'm starting to feel as if I have no attraction to anyone. I'm 21 and pretty much all my best friends are in some sort of relationship. Since I've come to college I've realised that the last time I felt strongly attracted to someone was over three years ago. While I do notice girls I never really get that head over heels, butterflies in stomach feeling that I used to.

Not expecting a magic answer, but just wondering has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, how did you deal with it?

LegacyUser

Hello there!!

There are aspects in your life that are probably affecting your feelings towards women.

Did you get hurt before? Maybe your mind is protecting you from being hurt again? Hows college? maybe your under a bit of stress and need to concentrate on one thing?

Just because nearly everyone you know is in relationships and your not doesn't mean your not normal. Relax. It will come!!

Professional Griefer

feelnothing wrote: »

Hi, long time poster going unregistered here. Basically I'm starting to feel as if I have no attraction to anyone. I'm 21 and pretty much all my best friends are in some sort of relationship. Since I've come to college I've realised that the last time I felt strongly attracted to someone was over three years ago. While I do notice girls I never really get that head over heels, butterflies in stomach feeling that I used to.

Not expecting a magic answer, but just wondering has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, how did you deal with it?

I guess I can kind of be considered in a similar situation as you.

I was in love with this girl for quite a while and fully thought that I was gonna spend the rest of my life with her, but thats not gonna happen. As well as that, nearly EVERY SINGLE one of my best friends is in a seirous relationship. I've accepted that, but the thing is, there is a person for everyone. There are people out there that don't find that special person, or anyone for that matter till a certain point in their lives, I've heard stories of people waiting till into their 30's.

I'm sorry if that seemed pointless, but the point I was trying to get as was that things take time. Seriously, do NOT worry about not being attracted to someone at 21. You have you're entire life ahead of you, even though it might take time, don't even worry about that kinda of thing, just enjoy your life as much as you possibly can, take everything as it comes, and you will will meet someone that you'll love and will love you.

Don't expect anything, enjoy the time you have, you'll meet that special someone. Some people meet their special ones young, others don't.


And as regards how I've dealt with it?
I've done my best not to think about it, as I said, just take everything as it comes, be happy and do the things you love.

cafecolour

feelnothing wrote: »

Hi, long time poster going unregistered here. Basically I'm starting to feel as if I have no attraction to anyone. I'm 21 and pretty much all my best friends are in some sort of relationship. Since I've come to college I've realised that the last time I felt strongly attracted to someone was over three years ago. While I do notice girls I never really get that head over heels, butterflies in stomach feeling that I used to.

Not expecting a magic answer, but just wondering has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, how did you deal with it?

Well, how many girls are you hanging out with? In school, you can fall for someone hard just on what they look like and what you've built up in your head.

As you get older, you've seen a lot more attractive girls, so it takes more interpersonal engagement before you've fallen hard in the "head over heels" way.

So you probably find plenty of women attractive, you may just haven't got to know any of them well enough to fall for them.

LegacyUser

answerswithinyou wrote: »

Did you get hurt before? Maybe your mind is protecting you from being hurt again?

Haven't really thought about it for a while, but the last girl I told how I felt was one of my really good friends. She pretty much ignored it and didn't talk to me for over a year, so I suppose it did hurt!

answerswithinyou wrote: »

Hows college? maybe your under a bit of stress and need to concentrate on one thing?

cafecolour wrote: »

Well, how many girls are you hanging out with?

In final year in college, things are pretty stressful. I found it really hard to meet new people that I clicked with in college, and stuck with friends from home to a certain extent.
Most of these are either on Erasmus this year or changed courses, so I haven't really had the chance to socialise this year.
I've more female friends than male, always found it easier to get on with them.
I think part of the problem is that when I do see someone attractive it's in a club. I worry about not feeling as strongly as I did before, or even how to go from just chatting to making the move. From what I can see not many relationships start purely in a nightclub. I guess I need to get to know someone and work from there, making my feelings known.

Thanks for your help guys.

eleven

Hi Op.

I know exactly what you're talking about. I broke up with a long term ex when I was 22, and I was single for 2 years after that. I had a great time being single, really enjoyed it, met guys here and there, was very close to a male friend of mine for a long time... but I never fancied anyone, and as close as I was to this friend of mine I never never fancied him or anyone else. I did want to fancy this guy and was very confused and eventually I began to wonder was something wrong or broken with me? I got back with the ex after the 2 years, but still... I never had that I fancy you feeling, butterflies or anything. I thought that was just the way it was.

Well, needless to say it didn't last too long with the ex. I'm 26 now, one day after I had been single again for a couple of months I realised that there was something about a guy in my wider circle of friends. I began to get excited about nights out that he'd be there, I would make excuses to find him and talk to him, we started texting each other and litterally when I got a text from him I was jumping up and down with joy. When he eventually kissed me I felt like my whole body was melting and I couldn't think, it felt like there was tv fuzz in my head. So we've been going out for about 6 months now, I'm head over heels in love, when he looks at me I feel dizzy and I fancy the pants off him!

So I think that you just have to bide your time, hang out with people, make friends, have fun and don't worry about it. Just because you don't have lightning bolts all the time doesn't mean that you can't hook up with people that are just nice, or make friends with girls... one day the lightning bolt will happen and you'll know all about it and be in no doubt!

Best of luck

john_trenor

You know that can be normal. Are you a big thinker like you like to think about things a lot? Been preoccupied with schoolwork and don’t pay much attention to women. Some times our enthusiasm for women can be low and it’s normal. http://www.attractwomencoach-john.com/where-have-all-the-attractive-women-gone-theyre-out-there-if-you-know-where-to-look/ There are other things that need our attention and it’s ok. Also you might not be meeting too many interesting girls (looks and personality wise). The time will come don’t sweat it. Usually meeting new people can make a difference in that department.

LegacyUser

eleven wrote: »

So we've been going out for about 6 months now, I'm head over heels in love, when he looks at me I feel dizzy and I fancy the pants off him!

That's exactly what I haven't felt in a while. Really heartening to hear that it will happen again! Congrats by the way

Will work on meeting new people and hopefully the feeling will come back! Thanks for all your posts, it's been a huge help!