Maintainance abuse by the mother

philc1974

Hi Folks

Just over a year ago myself and wife split after 7 years marriage and 17 years together (guess it ran its course!),we still occupy the same house because its just not possible for me or her to move out financially (luckily im still working),we have 3 children ,14 and 11 and 9 and continue to rear them together.

Since the split...well up to October this year, i continued to pay all and i mean ALL the bills,mortgage,electricity,NTL,Eircom and life/house insurance and a few others too and i have to say never missed a payment!!,initially when we split i continued to pay her 200 euro per week but noticed that she was demanding the same amount every 3 or 4 days and i started asking about how much shopping 200 euro would actually buy out of Lidl and Aldi (prior to split,this was our main place of shopping except the meat) and to my disgust i learned that she wasnt spending anyway near that amount on shopping and the amount wouldnt even fill a small car boot full of shopping!!,not soon after split she was seeing a guy from where she worked (Fair enough...no really!!) and she was out most nights while i stayed home and i really did cos i just didnt feel like going out ...dont get me wrong i did go out and meet up with friends and all...not a total hermit! just not as much as maybe i should have .
This farce continued on til about March this year when i finally had enough and demanded to know where the money was going cos it wasnt going on the shopping at all!.an argument ensued and i decided to do the shopping myself i realised that 120 euro and the food was falling out of the presses and fridges!!, it took a little getting used to but i managed to do the shopping straight after work and get a taxi from Aldi to the house..she wouldnt even help put it away and would just sit there watching me put all the stuff away ...anyways i started seeing a girl about July-ish and all hell broke loose when she found out... i mean how dare i have the neck having a new girlfriend and before i knew it i had a maintainance order slapped on me where the judge didnt even open the evidence i had (and God damn it, i could account for every bill ,receipt and used either my laser or direct debit to prove this on recommendations of friends who were in a similar situation)
Awarded her 200 euro weekly and waved me goodbye out of the court..anyways ,as it stands,she has the bones of 1700 euro monthly coming in from her 200 weekly maintainance,about 470 euro in childrens allowance which she uses for her car loan and credit union, her childminding and cleaning gig pull in about another 300-400 monthly too ,possibly more and even tho the judge awarded her this amount,she refuses to pay any of the bills but still expects me to contribute to the xmas kitty for kids even though she has all this money??,ive just got my eircom and NTL bill in the door and they havent been paid since she was awarded this money,my credit will be ruined and both the NTL and Eircom will be cut off cos she being really spiteful and just out to get me,im at my wits end and really dont know what to do,surely this can be stopped before she ruins me??.ive about 400 a month to survive on and ive to pay petrol for my bike,insurance,credit union,credit card ,trade union fees and thats all before i buy a sandwich!!

The reason im typing this now is because only the other day she boasted to me that after xmas, she going to push to have me thrown out of my home and i believe her when she said anyway she can!!

WTF??

Sorry about the epic post but what can i do to stop one bitter ex ruining me at will?

Any help appreciated

JamBur

Jesus, I wish I had some advice......all I can say is that I feel for you, I hope it works out

Dors1976

Could you go back to court for an adjustment of maintenance?

Check out solo.ie they have a great form for what should be taken into consideration when working out maintenance.

Possibly apply for legal aid too - it can be easier to have someone else do the talking without the emotion

snuggles09

jeepers, no advice really but couldnt read and not at least say that I think she is being very unreasonable. why does she expect you to pay all the bills? can you get them changed into her name? in reality whats happening is she's living in a house mortgage free, not paying any utilities and being given 800 euro per month for the childrens upkeep? maintenance is meant to pay for all kids essentials, not just feeding them so in my mind the Tv they watch, the gas or oil to keep them warm, electricity to heat water etc are all what your maintenance (ie.the 200 euro a week) should contribute to..is she taking it as 200 euro for her to stick in her pocket and you pay for everything else? totally totally unreasonable but i have no advice on what you can do..if i were you i'd chance going back to court with a better solicitor to be honest as the other one didnt to a great job if the judge wouldnt at least listen to you or look at your file with receipts etc

it's a horrible situation that your in, in that you have to live in the same house as her but like you said you've no choice..is there no way you can talk to her? after 17 years together surely you can get through to her and make her see how unreasonable she's being?

January

Go and see a solicitor tomorrow. If you can't afford one you may be entitled to free legal aid or contact www.flac.ie

Sleepy

Either she's gonna have to buy you out / you're going to have to buy her out or the house is gonna have to be sold and two new places found.

You really need a solicitor here. www.amen.ie is said to have great resources for men in a separated parenting situation.

philc1974

Sleepy wrote: »

Either she's gonna have to buy you out / you're going to have to buy her out or the house is gonna have to be sold and two new places found.

You really need a solicitor here. www.amen.ie is said to have great resources for men in a separated parenting situation.

I do have a Solicitor but this Judge is known to be Pro-woman and when i mentioned his name,people shuddered and said sarcastically "...ah that guy, well before he (the judge) made his decision,you should have lodged an appeal.."

I mean WTF??

January

Then you need a better solicitor... you need to lodge appeals and get the judge to see that she's taking advantage of you.

philc1974

Maintainance appeal lodged already,sorry i didnt want the post to go on and on and on and on,it doesnt end there,but just got to the point..

next year is the date for the appeal,but from now til then ill be destroyed at will

very demoralising

irishjig69b

as i went true same ****e, if u pay all the bills and pay d **** 200 weekly surely u could move out??? and then only pay maintance??200 a week seems alot, i pay 110e for 2 and thats it, wen i have them it costs me so thats all i will give her, u need to go back to court 4 a veriation on moneys, if she works, and gets the money u say she does then the judge has to take this in to consideration,the house is just bricks and mortor,, ur self respect is worth more, go back to court STAND UP 4 URSELF AT COURT, the judge is a person like u, ur not on trail tell him/her all she brings in and what u get, tell him u are leaving the home so u have to live/eat aswell...i got hammered by my x and then i, grew a pair, went back to court stood up 4 myself, now i am happy as are my kids, turned my like round meet a wonderfiul woman and am happy....mate go back to court and do what i am telling u......u will feel better 4 it, fight fire with fire, she is making a fool outa ya.....GET UR OWN BACK **** HER.

Wolfe Tone

her childminding and cleaning gig pull in about another 300-400 monthly too

These wouldn't be nixers would they?

philc1974

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

These wouldn't be nixers would they?

yeah they are,she does childminding..

philc1974

irishjig69b wrote: »

as i went true same ****e, if u pay all the bills and pay d **** 200 weekly surely u could move out??? and then only pay maintance??200 a week seems alot, i pay 110e for 2 and thats it, wen i have them it costs me so thats all i will give her, u need to go back to court 4 a veriation on moneys, if she works, and gets the money u say she does then the judge has to take this in to consideration,the house is just bricks and mortor,, ur self respect is worth more, go back to court STAND UP 4 URSELF AT COURT, the judge is a person like u, ur not on trail tell him/her all she brings in and what u get, tell him u are leaving the home so u have to live/eat aswell...i got hammered by my x and then i, grew a pair, went back to court stood up 4 myself, now i am happy as are my kids, turned my like round meet a wonderfiul woman and am happy....mate go back to court and do what i am telling u......u will feel better 4 it, fight fire with fire, she is making a fool outa ya.....GET UR OWN BACK **** HER.

Thanks man,wheels in motion

Wolfe Tone

philc1974 wrote: »

yeah they are,she does childminding..

Tax?