ex boyfriend trouble

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Just wanted to get some opinions on this.
Basically, I was going out with a guy in college for about 2 years, we broke up and both moved on. He met someone else and I met someone else.

I was going out with this second guy for about 4 years & he broke up with me about 5 months ago. Since then, I've been feeling pretty down and lonely.

The first ex found out that I was single & started acting slightly nuts. He's been inviting me out constantly and texting on a daily basis, calling to my house for cups of tea unannounced etc. This would all be fine, but we literally would only have spoken once in 6 months since we broke up before this.

So anyway, one night, about 2 months ago, I bumped into him while I was out & I got so drunk I ended up staying the night with him. I felt so guilty the next day, because I realised that I had no feelings for him whatsoever. I've just been lonely lately & it got the better of me.

Anyway, the following day, I told him all this, that I wasn't in the right head space, and that I was getting over my own break up and that basically it would never happen again. He said that was ok, but he hasn't changed in the least since. I've been avoiding bumping into him & making excuses to not meet him, but every Friday & Saturday night since, when he's been drinking, I get at least 5 missed calls from him and a bunch of texts asking if I'm out. I always ignore them.

Last Saturday, I did bump into him, and I kept our conversation short & sweet & left it at that, he was pretty plastered. He invited me back to a party and I declined, but I had another 10 or 12 calls from him that night & eventually he called to my house where I was hanging out with a bunch of friends. One of the guys ended up having to ask him quite sternly to leave. The ex left, but still persisted in calling up until about 5 am.

The following day, he emailed me asking me why I was ignoring him etc and again I just ignored it. Then tonight I got a bunch of calls and texts off our mutual friends asking me to come out & meet them for a few drinks.

I'm not sure what to do now at this point, I knew he was into me when I slept with him, and honestly, I liked the attention. It helped my bruised ego at the time, but now I don't know who to get him to leave me alone.

Sorry for the long post, thanks for reading!

Drodan

So basically you used the guy to make yourself feel better, and then decided to discard him. Not judging, just stating a fact. They guy is hurt, and yeah ok acting a fair bit mental. Tell him out right you have no feelings for him, and that his actions are actually scaring you, tbf I'm sure him turning up at your place was fairly scary.

Tell him everything, let him hate you for a while or whatever, but just be aware that he might go off the handle again. Do it gently but with no room for misinterpretation. Just be careful because you don't want his actions to escalate, make sure some close friends know what he's been like. And if he goes completely mental, take action yourself against him (not violently though)

Loopsie

Unfortunately you will have to be cruel to be kind to fix this one. You need to call him or sit him down an tell him face to face its creepy and to a point harrrassment and you wont stand for it, you dont have feelings for him.
Make sure you make someone close to you familiar with all that is going on. This may sound a little extreme and if you telling him to leave you alone doesnt work you can ask the guards to call him to give him a friendly warning that a complaint has been made or an older brother or father??
I got my dad to ring my ex who like that was calling 18 -30 times a night, leaving abusive messages, turning up at my house in middle of night threatening to break my door down (i dont live at home)
My dad rang him and to this day i have never asked what was said but it immediately stopped
Good luck Op and please as i said make sure u say it to someone everything that is going on
L x

LegacyUser

Its quite clear this guy still loves you alot. You gave him what he desired most "YOU" and then just as quickly took it away. The guy is hurting, he thought he had you back but suddenly you've gone again?

You said you were in a relationship after him for 4 years. He knew this right? Maybe tell him that you've worked things out and are back with the 4year guy? It is believable and it may just be what this guy needs to hear. Maybe he'll realise someone who loved you too has a chance to get back and will step aside? Since the 4year relationship is fresher and longer I think he'll do the manly thing and step aside.

You may be lying to him, but it will get the message clear to him that he has no chance. At the moment he sees you single, and you slept with him already. He is under the illusion he has a chance. Poor devil.

Not feeling sorry for him directly, but imagine if it was you who loved someone dearly thought you had them back and then "POOF" gone again. Its not easy.

Good luck