Miscarriage - guys point of view

CelticH

My wife had a miscarriage at 12 weeks this year. Ee decided to try again as soon as possible. Doctors had said that a lady tends to be even more fertile in the first few months following a miscarriage once she starts ovulating again so we were very eager not to waste any time.

So we have had 3 attempts now and no luck yet. My wife has been quite upset each time the attempt has failed. I do my best to make her feel better but its very tough. 3 attempts really isnt that many as far as I know (certainly from what I've read). I think the fact that when she did get pregnant she actually managed it on the first attempt. Probably gave us a false sense of confidence.

I guess what im asking is has anyone any similar stories or situations? How long after a miscarriage did it take you to get pregnant again?

I think in one sense we are lucky that at least we know that we can conceive. We havn't been trying for a year or so with no luck at all which im sure is something plenty of peoplle go through.

Thanks in advance guys. All help advice would be welcome.

seamus

I can't really assist with any "I've been there" advice, but FWIW, it takes the average couple with no fertility problems 5 - 6 months to conceive a child. This is reduced to about half the average if you monitor fertility very carefully - i.e. ovulation kits and the like.

Hitting it on the first go is common enough, but not the norm. You're probably spot on in your assessment - you got a false sense of confidence from your first time. A bullseye on the first try doesn't mean that you're extra fertile or anything like that, it's all just statistics.

crazy cat lady

We had a MC at 14 weeks. We also conceived on our first attempt. It seems very common to me that couples who conceive their first baby on their first attempt end up having a miscarriage. I don't have any data or statistics to back that up but I've heard of it happening so many times.

It took ages to get my periods back and we also started TTC again straight away. Conceived on my 3rd cycle. Had the MC the beginning of November and my 3rd cycle started the middle of March so had a good few months on grieving for the first baby, and believe me, I grieved. Only by my 3rd cycle was I starting to feel 'normal' again.

Anyway, pregnancy went well, now have a healthy 11 month old little lady.

The reason I tell you this is that I truly believe that you need to be 'ready' to conceive again both physically and mentally. Is there a possibility that your wife s still grieving the baby that was lost?

We started TTC again when the little one ws 6 months old. Conceived first time and again miscarried. We're taking a break now.

I'm sure you will both get there again soon. When the time is right everything will fall into place. Don't get consumed in the TTC process, if you let it take control of your life it can have a negative effect on fertility. Improve your lifestyle any way you can and if your wife hasn't already done so, make sure she starts taking folic acid. You could take a zinc supplement too.

Good luck with TTC in the future and sorry for your pregnancy loss

Skadi

I'd agree with crazy cat lady. I got pregnant on the 4th cycle after a stillbirth at 22 weeks. Even though we were trying from the 1st cycle I mentally wasn't ready to get pregnant again straight away. Husband was very disappointed after the 3rd cycle and nothing was happening but if I had of got pregnant on the 3rd cycle due date would have been close to the stillbirth aniversary. I felt mentally ready of the 4th cycle and it happened for me. Previous to this it took us over ten years to get pregnant.

Also if your wife isn't charting I would suggest that she starts. It can be a comfort to know that even if you aren't getting pregnant that everything is working as it should be.

dublinlady

Myself and my hubby had a chemical pregnancy on our first month of trying, then it took us 3 months to conceive again, unfortunately we then miscarried at almost 7 weeks, i was devastated. We have been actively trying since and are on our fourth cycle with no joy so far. However while i was pregnant i developed hormone related spots on my back and chest which id never had before, these really only cleared up at end of last month so im hoping thats a sign my hormones etc are returning to normal! Well i hope so anyway!
I too really really wanted to be pregnant asap after the m/c, however i am glad i have had this time to recover mentally as i did take it pretty badly, i feel alot better now and alot more prepared. I dont think we will be able to stop obsessing about having a child and ttc until we actually do but i think now we are able to focus more time on other things and i hope that the mental break will help!!
Best of luck to ye, if you had told me 8 months ago that i still would not be pregnant now i would never have believed you.....its very tough, but when its meant to be..it will happen.:)

CathyMoran

We miscarried in Jan 2009 (baby was concieved on first attempt), coming up to the anniversary of seeing the positive pregnancy test now. It still gets to me, especially these times. We took a break of 2 months after the miscarriage then got pregnant straight away but lost it shortly afterwards, this happened for the next few months. It was putting a huge strain on both of us. I wanted to try one more time as by dates I knew that the baby would be due on my mother in law's birthday - sure enough became pregnant again...I remember going into Boots and my husband buying birth control and a pregnancy test (we had agreed to take a break if we were not sucessful). Our son is over 8 months old and I am over 3 months pregnant again (though petrified of loosing our little unborn baby). Both of us went through a very tough time with all the miscarriages and it takes a lot of strength to get through it - we are lucky in that we talk openly to one another all the time. OP hope that this is of some help.

CelticH

Cheers guys - not that you wish things on anyone else but its nice to here from people with similar stories.

I think my wife is finally getting her head space sorted too sothat should help.

Joey the lips

It happened to us. Miscarrage...Wife wanted to try straight away....

A tip i done. I used the internet to work out her ovaluation or cycle or what ever you call the thing...

Then i approched her on the fertile days.....

I tried to make it look as natural as i could...

I dont really want to explain how as i am on a public forum...


But having worked out her cycle and if it falls on a friday or saturday you could turn it into a night away...You know "We need the break babe"


Anyway... hope all works out.

Khannie

Joey the lips wrote: »

I dont really want to explain how as i am on a public forum...

Just FYI....this forum does support anonymous posting. I'm not saying you should do it now (it might be a bit obvious ), just for future reference.

Joey the lips

Khannie wrote: »

Just FYI....this forum does support anonymous posting. I'm not saying you should do it now (it might be a bit obvious ), just for future reference.

I know thank you but what i mean is i dont want to explain the mechanics of how to jump my wife so to speak

grathu

My wife and I lost our 1st child at 26 weeks, this blew our world apart, literally, all our hopes and dreams, aspirations for our unborn son vanished/ were whipped away from us without a reason, for us the reality was a medical reason, Pre-eclampsia, we hadn't a clue. we researched it (missus) and then managed it and became pregnant again, 3 times, all successfully, thank Allah. People take pregnancy for granted, it is a very difficult thing to achieve, with a successful conclusion. If you are anxious, stressed, worried or under pressure, for any reason you may not become pregnant, also you may mis-carry for any reason. Do not blame yourself or your partner (unless your in an abusive relationship) for your mis-carriage but rather look at your lifestyle, slow down, don,t expect so much, pregnancy is a gift not a right, relax and enjoy the conception, it's not a chore but a very pivotal moment in your relationship as a family. These are the views of a father and possibly very different then those of a mother, but hey, I love my wife, my kids (with us or other wise) and i like to think i understand. Allah bless you all in your attempts to conceive and your insuring pregnancy. I wish you every happiness. grathu:)