Dadnotaround

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Not sure what i'm hoping to achieve here. I'm sure some people will suggest counselling but I honestly don't think it will help. Basically haven't spoke to my father for years because of some stuff he did. When I first found out I went through a phase of anger where I thought I couldn't care less about him and hated the ground he walked on. Then I stupidily "carried his guilt" according to my counsellor which caused a lot of problems for me thinking I was a bad person etc. Anyways I am a pretty strong individual and thought I was over this but out of the blue over the last few months if i've been out drinking when I go home it plays on my mind to the poing where I start sobbing my heart out. I was out with the bf one night recently and was annoyed over something he did and ripped into him I was so mean I feel horrible, then went home and was crying over my dad again and listening to music that I would associate with him. I know first thing I need to do is not get so drunk or give it up. I can't explain the crying, don't know whether its that I miss him or what, I know part of it is basically knowing he's out there living and he may aswell not be here as I don't see him. Sounds horrible but it's like he's dead but he's not think that's whats upsetting me, I don't want this man back in my life so I can't understand why the emotions. This just seems to crop up out of nowhere. I know I can't continue with this and was wondering if anyone can offer any advice or has been through something similar. I'm in my mid/late 20's so should really be moving on with my life. My family thinks i'm fine with this stuff and so did I to be honest.

metrovelvet

There is father the person,the man he is, and then there is FATHER the archetype. While you hold the man in contempt, you still walk around with a whole in your heart because you are in mourning for not having FATHER, the father, a father in your life.

Honestly, I think its worse when they are not dead tbh.

I dont know what your dad did, but you will have to find a way to forgive him or you will ruin your life. I know its hard to do that when the people who tresspass against you wont acknowledge what they did [that helps a lot in forgiveness] but maybe you can find a way to see through his human fallibility.

Do you want to see him? Know him?

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote: »

There is father the person,the man he is, and then there is FATHER the archetype. While you hold the man in contempt, you still walk around with a whole in your heart because you are in mourning for not having FATHER, the father, a father in your life.

Honestly, I think its worse when they are not dead tbh.

I dont know what your dad did, but you will have to find a way to forgive him or you will ruin your life. I know its hard to do that when the people who tresspass against you wont acknowledge what they did [that helps a lot in forgiveness] but maybe you can find a way to see through his human fallibility.

Do you want to see him? Know him?

Thanks Metrovelvet,

I think you're right I can't understand it though as I honestly thought I was dealing with this. It's scared me because maybe i'm not as strong and together as I like to think.Maybe i'm getting soft in my old age, lol. I honestly don't know if I could handle seeing him. I asked him for a letter before, in a quest to get answers and maybe closure I guess he went as far as to say he sent it but he didn't. I've had a ton of distraction in my life with other stuff that was going on and now that's resolved for the most part, maybe that's why this has cropped up all of a sudden.

blackbird98

Cryingwhendrunk wrote: »

Hi guys,

Basically haven't spoke to my father for years because of some stuff he did.

I think you will have to analyse the issue with your father again.....Think about what he did....was it criminal....was it because of his mental state...drink...drugs etc. how bad was it? who was the injured party? why does it affect you so much?? things like that.....if you can find the answers to theses type of questions, it may help you to overcome it.

Obviously don't post the answers here.

try to think positive....best of luck, I hope you can sort it out, for your own sake

LegacyUser

blackbird98 wrote: »

I think you will have to analyse the issue with your father again.....Think about what he did....was it criminal....was it because of his mental state...drink...drugs etc. how bad was it? who was the injured party? why does it affect you so much?? things like that.....if you can find the answers to theses type of questions, it may help you to overcome it.

Obviously don't post the answers here.

try to think positive....best of luck, I hope you can sort it out, for your own sake

Well basically it was criminal and affects me so much because i've lost a father because of it not that he was great to begin with.