Office christmas party antics

LegacyUser

I started a new job about 4 months ago. We had our christmas party friday night. Everyone was pissed/having craic, but one of my (married) managers took it to another level.
He said things and behaved very inappropriately towards me. To put it mildly, I declined an offer (actually a few offers - he was very persistent and I ended up having to ask one of my male colleagues to have a word with him). I tried to laugh it off as much as I could, but it got a little too much. I woke yesterday and I feel awful all weekend worrying about going into the office monday - even though I did nothing wrong. I actually feel sick to my stomach.
Can anyone please offer some advice?
I really didnt encourage or pursure or anything, so why do I feel so bad?

whatsamsn

flfzjjnv wrote: »

I really didnt encourage or pursure or anything, so why do I feel so bad?

You are worrying what the vibe will be come monday.
But you really shouldnt. Yeah the manager might be a bit off but alot could be chalked up to him being embarressed. He is married as you say.

Just act like nothing happened friday night.

Cheap Thrills!

A story as old as time!

Listen, don't you be feeling bad. More than likely HE is at home right now mortified and dreading Monday. That's if he remembers what went on.

With these things it's just the first day that is awkward. You have to brazen things out. Don't avoid him but don't go out of your way to approach him. Just behave totally as normal.

A lot worse goes on so thank your lucky stars it's not YOU having to do the walk of shame on Monday.

Kimia

Yes yes, OP you are wrong, laugh it off - sure what's a little sexual harrassment between friends eh!

My god people - it wasn't like he was hammered and tried on a drunken kiss. He propositioned her repeatedly, it sounded very out of control so much so that she had to get another colleague to have a word!

However, I would do nothing for now only don't feel bad - this is not your fault and you don't have anything to feel ashamed about. See how he is on Monday - if he's remorseful he may apologise, if he can't remember he won't say anything, and if he's a creep he'll keep doing it - so you'll know by the end of the week regardless.

Just remember you have done nothing wrong.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for repling. I feel bit better reading the advice. He is a very cocky person, so I dont think he will apologise. He fancies himself. He is good looking but I dont find him attractive - not that it makes a difference. I have morals (I am single and would be easy to do something like this, but no good outcomes come from situations like these). He is very hard on me at work, and I am dreading if he makes things harder for me. I will never go to an office thing like that again.

Kimia

Well that changes things big time OP. You should report him. He's obviously got something for you and it's coming out by being hard and tough on you. Not on, you shouldn't have to put up with that crap in work. Go to HR or his boss.

cafecolour

flfzjjnv wrote: »

Thanks so much for repling. I feel bit better reading the advice. He is a very cocky person, so I dont think he will apologise. He fancies himself. He is good looking but I dont find him attractive - not that it makes a difference. I have morals (I am single and would be easy to do something like this, but no good outcomes come from situations like these). He is very hard on me at work, and I am dreading if he makes things harder for me. I will never go to an office thing like that again.

If this is so, than you might want to go talk to HR tomorrow to let them know what happened. You can tell them you intending to file a complaint at this point (or him to even get a talking to), but you want it on record in case his attitude changes towards you.

LegacyUser

I think going to HR at this stage wouldnt be the best idea. I think I will leave it for now - I put my foot down - clear message sent to him that its not on. Either work will get harder and he will be rotten to me or it will stay the same.
I should not have to put up with it, but I am only there 4 months and I see it as a stepping stone in my career.

FoxT

OP, this is a very uncomfortable situation, especially as you are just 4 months into the job.

It sounds like your goal here is not to punish your manager, but to

- avoid a recurrence
- protect yourself from bullying or other negative fallout
- if you are on probation (as a new hire) that the probation process is not impacted.


With this aim in mind I suggest you consider doing some/all of the following. At the very least, do the actions in italics below, the others are optional based on your own judgement....

PROTECT YOURSELF
- Make a note of the incident, date/location/who was there/what was said, and, how you felt. This is for your own protection.

- Talk with colleagues & ask them for advice

- Check with HR - do they have a policy on probation/sexual harassment? You need to read & understand this. If you do not have the HR policy available, just ask for it.

- let your manager know that you felt very uncomfortable with his behaviour and you hope that it is not repeated and will not impact your working relationship.

- If he apologises, put the note in a drawer , & throw it out after a year if all is OK.

- If he is bolshie about it, and especially if he threatens you in any way,wait 48 hours then notify HR formally. The reason for waiting is to see if he comes to his senses.

- If you notify HR formally, it should not be a 'black mark' against you. Your company should have a resolution procedure for issues like this. It is there to be used if needed.

- maintain notes of any & all incidents where you feel you have been bullied/pressured/unfairly treated by your manager.

- You may still be on a probationary period at work. This should not be impacted unless you misrepresented yourself at interview stage, or have disciplinary issues outstanding, or poor attendance, or you have been notified that your performance is not meeting requirements.

Best of luck!