An abusive relationship

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I'm in an abusive relationship and have been for some time now. I've made mistakes which might make you think I deserve the abuse, I'm a person though with rights so I think its unwarranted.

They've bullied me indirectly for years, called me a fat c*&t and they comment on my weight a lot. They've made me feel so depressed and sad although I do have an ability to not let it get to me because I'm so used to it and know no different. They dont love me but I cant get out of the relationship. They've abused my body so much and more recently they've plyed me with drugs and they feed me with extra calories to keep my weight up. They've covertly threatened me with death. They've caused me so much physical pain that really hurts me.

People know what's going on between us but they choose to accept it as proportional punishment for the mistakes I've made, which my other half caused me to make by not treating me right.

I need to be minded well. I've had a traumatic life and am a lovely girl. I dont really show my softer side that much because I've never thought I was deserving of a caring relationship or understood anything about men, I've always been scared. I think I'm worthy now, I deserve that protective arm around me to tell me that its ok.

They're very influential and powerful and this is one of the reasons why I struggle to break free. They call the shots.

Do any of you have any suggestions as to how I might inspire them to be nicer to me and not to kill me, which they are more than capable of doing.

Thanks in advance

Miss Fluff

Are you being held against your will?

LegacyUser

"Do any of you have any suggestions as to how I might inspire them to be nicer to me and not to kill me, which they are more than capable of doing"

Sorry but this is insane, your not at fault here, you don't need to do anything other than think about yourself. Not justifying how you live and making yourself a mould of what this other person demands.

Far more knowledgeble people than me will comment here I'm sure, but you cannot stay in this situation. If it means hiding in a womans shelter for 6 months it would still be far happier place than where you are right now.

I would also suggest you go to your doctor, you could easily be very drepessed and need some help

God bless, and you take care.
x

Oryx

You will not prevent abuse by trying to be nicer. It will never work.

Your behaviour, no matter how good or bad you feel it is, never, never warrants abuse. End of.

So you need to reach out beyond this relationship for help, as trying to please your abuser will only succeed in their having an increasing level of pressure and control over you. So seek help. It is possible to get out, you need to realise that.

nocturnal31

Abuse has many formats - physical, emotional, verbal etc etc. You seem to be on the receiving end of several of these. My advice to you is to go see a counselor - not a shrink - just someone to talk to about this, who will listen to you and who will guide you how to feel better about yourself and how to manage yourself and your feelings at times of this abuse - there are many (counselors) out there - your GP could recommend one I'm sure - try it as I did when I was at the receiving end & honestly, if you learn to feel better about yourself, you're well on the way to getting yourself out of this type of abusive relationship & finding someone who will love you for who you are...not how you look. Love yourself first....good Luck

LegacyUser

This site might have some resources that could help you: http://www.womensaid.ie/

miec

Do any of you have any suggestions as to how I might inspire them to be nicer to me and not to kill me, which they are more than capable of doing.

Dear Op

I am sorry you are suffering this, unfortunately, as someone who was formerly in abusive situations and who is finally free, the one thing I have learned and can advise you is that you can never, ever make an abusive person nicer to you...period. That person has a monumental amount of power over you, they enjoy it because there is something deeply warped within them. You cannot alter or change that, you cannot alter or change them. You can only change your circumstances, to gather courage and leave. It does not suprise that others stand by and do nothing, sadly this is very common. It takes great strength and courage to leave a bad, bad situation. If you do this I would urge you to leave, find a safe place and have zero contact with this person or anyone associated with them. This has been the road I have had to take, it is incredibly painful but it is the only method that I know of. It is also the only way you can heal. If/When you break free you need help from a psychotherapist, judging from your post, you are suffering a high level of abuse over a long period of time and a counsellor in my opinion won't cut it, you need someone with extensive experience in helping you come out the other end. I hope you get to break free and heal from this.

carolmon

A Lady Asks wrote: »

Do any of you have any suggestions as to how I might inspire them to be nicer to me and not to kill me, which they are more than capable of doing.

Thanks in advance

hi OP
i really can't stress enough to you that you need to get away from this person immediately, your strategy of trying to make them nicer to you won't work and you may well end up dead if what you are saying is true.

Please contact Women's Aid for help and get to a refuge asap, at least then you may begin to see the situation more clearly because right now you are obviously just in survival mode ie thinking about how to get through the days without provoking this person into an attack.

However they still ultimately hold the power and nothing you can do can prevent them attacking you unless you physically get away from this relationship.

Best of luck.