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Hey... Help/advice please!

  • 03-12-2010 10:25pm
    #1
    abouther
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭


    Hey guys,

    I am new to this site. I was advised a while ago that it is really good... So i do hope its ok if i use it as an agony aunt for my problem (please ignore my awful spelling etc)

    So my problem is pretty cliche to say the least but its really grating on me and getting me down...

    I fancy/really really like my good friend.... i know, fml...

    What will i do is the question im posing...

    Allow me to set the scene... I am an open gay man and my friend is in the closet (in narnia basically lol)... We have being friends for over 2 years and we are quite different... he studied science, i studied religion... hes more "skater-ish" manly dressing, im more of a trendy wendy or "being a dickhead is cool" kinda of a dress... and im openly gay and hes not.... but we can sit and talk to eachother for hours... he is such a special and kind person

    We met, as i said over 2 years ago and we began to hang out except we were in seperate groups (if you get me) we had a lot of mutual friends. i never really saw him as anything but a friend but feelings quickly grew on me. Now, I admit i was going around with a v.bad group... we took a lot of drugs, drank etc hung out with bands... we were the scene queens of the west's indie world... lol... what a load of ****e tbh (when i look back now)... regardless, its kinda important as i think i have painted the wrong picture of who i am to him... so we hung out in our groups and whenever i met him i would go talk and have loads of laughs with him... but the group i was with were dramatic and stuff and as soon as i was'nt hanging out with them or being seeing with the "cool" people... i was kicked out (thank god tbh)...

    but...

    one night i got really drunk and i texted him and told him i liked him (i know) and he did'nt text back but the next day i woke up and was like **** so i texted him to say everythign i had said was true and the fact that i was drunk means nothing... so he texted back and kinda brushed it off... and we kinda left it...

    so next he went travelling and we kept in contact and he got back recently... and now the feelings are all flooding back to me... to a point where he had gotten with one of my friends and i bursted into tears the next day...

    i dont know what to do.... im soo scared... i have such strong emotional feelings for him and i dont think he feels the same...

    has anyone being in the same position!!??!! please help


Comments

  • #2
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,158 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    is he actually gay?

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #3
    abouther
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭abouther


    yeah dude he is


  • #4
    daveo90
    Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭daveo90


    He's just not into you

    Cliche saying but it's the truth you need to move on


  • #5
    SparkyTech
    Closed Accounts Posts: 590 ✭✭✭SparkyTech


    abouther wrote: »
    Allow me to set the scene... I am an open gay man and my friend is in the closet (in narnia basically lol)... We have being friends for over 2 years and we are quite different... he studied science, i studied religion... hes more "skater-ish" manly dressing, im more of a trendy wendy or "being a dickhead is cool" kinda of a dress... and im openly gay and hes not.... but we can sit and talk to eachother for hours... he is such a special and kind person

    If he's not out of the closet you have an uphill battle on your hands from day one. Value the fact you can have him in your life as a good friend.
    one night i got really drunk and i texted him and told him i liked him (i know) and he did'nt text back but the next day i woke up and was like **** so i texted him to say everythign i had said was true and the fact that i was drunk means nothing... so he texted back and kinda brushed it off... and we kinda left it...

    If he felt the same way he would have reciprocated those feelings and not brushed you off with a text.
    so next he went travelling and we kept in contact and he got back recently... and now the feelings are all flooding back to me... to a point where he had gotten with one of my friends and i bursted into tears the next day...

    i dont know what to do.... im soo scared... i have such strong emotional feelings for him and i dont think he feels the same...

    Sorry OP but this guy does not have feelings for you. Granted if he cared about you as a person he would have sat you down and explained in a nicer way that he didn't find you intimatly attractive rather then brushing it under the carpet.

    You have two choices, either cut him out of your life entirely if you cant deal with the hurt/pain of him rejecting you (Out of sight, out of mind), or you can continue to have him in your life as a friend if you feel that he's worth keeping but ONLY if you realise thats all it ever can be.

    Best of luck.


  • #6
    abouther
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭abouther


    hey guys... thanks for the replys!!

    oh btw it was at a party, not in public!!


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi there,

    Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. I completely understand how hard it is to have feelings for someone who doesnt feel the same. I am going through it at the moment. I basically fell for my gay friend (Im a straight female....cliche I know) well he told me he was bi when we first met....anyway it was/is heart breaking. And the worst part for me is he never leaves me alone, and flirts with me terribly...so I tried to cut him off, and he keeps coming back...
    Anyway I am moving away from it all now, but I said all I had to say to him beforehand. I eventually snapped and told him how I felt...I knew I would get told "I am gay" but I needed it said, I needed him to know why I acted the way I did, and backed away.

    Maybe just talk to him face to face....if he doesnt feel the same way....try and distance yourself...and maybe in time you can be friends..You cant be friends right now if he doesnt feel the same, and he is meeting friends of yours...it will hurt like hell...

    Tell him...and dont do it through drunken text...Best of luck.


  • #8
    bigwillie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 236 ✭✭bigwillie


    sounds like a crush mate......had a few of them myself (mostly married men) eventually you get over them,and wonder what you saw in them in the first place,


  • #9
    DS333
    Closed Accounts Posts: 237 ✭✭DS333


    Sometimes I wonder if we "latch onto" someone because we're lonely or feel we need that added dimension in our lives. Would it not be better/wiser to cultivate a close and strong friendship first so that if anyting more happens it comes as a natural progression? That would surely make it easier for all concerned. That's, of course, if we're not just talking about raw sex here. If we're not and nothing happens, won't we still have a great and rewarding friendship which might have been ruined by over-zealousness?

    As for crushes, it's certainly true that when the scales fall from our eyes we wonder what the hell we ever saw in the person. Have I done that a few times...:rolleyes:


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